I just found out that years ago my twin cousins were molested and i hear that that really messes kids up. Well i can remember when i was a little girl they would get me to undress and we would do this thing that we called the pee pee show. (i guess they did this because they were messed up from being molested.) Well i didnt know what sex was because i think i was only like 4 or 5 years old, but any chance we got we would touch eachother down there. They would fight over which one would marry me and always wanted to touch me and watch me pee (they were like 6 years old.) Well we did that for a while until my parents caught us all with our pants down, and then it stopped. Well when i was like in 2nd grade i got into my dads porno stash by accident and saw everthing. after that i can remember i wanted to mimic what was in the pornos. so me and one of my friends who was a girl started doing sexual things to eachother. We would pretend we were in the pornos and pose just like in the pics. then one time my brother was sleeping and i gave him head in his sleep(i was still to little to know any better) and he had peed in my mouth. so i never did that again. after that i had started touching my dogs in a wrong way. I use to always try to spy on my dad naked. and one day he caught me and was really pissed off. Now i am 19 years old and i can still remember those things that i had done. and i know i didnt know any better but i feel really freaking sick about it all. did something mess me up in the head? Im not incest and im not into beastality at all!!! I feel absouletly disgusted with the things i had done as a child. And i was wondering if anybody else did these things as a child. I think the porn and my cousins fucked me up in the head. Im not at all like that now ive been dating this guy for 4 years and we are going to get married. I still have perverted thoughts now and then but not to that extent. Do you think i should get some counseling? i have never spoke of this to anyone before and i am even having a difficult time typing this post. I know this is not normal but what should i do?? No immature comments please!!