Can any guys out there please explain to me why my BF is so damn cheap? He wont pay to take me out to dinner or a movie. He always buys me great anniversary and birthday presents but i practically have to beg him to buy a pack of cigarettes. (we both smoke) He wont even throw down money to buy a case of beer or something. Its getting ridiculous! Please help!
He does sound like a cheap bastard, but I think it should be a 50/50 deal when it comes to the day to day expenses that you incur. Try cutting him off for a few weeks and when he asks you "why" just tell him hes to cheap, and you are losing interest.
Ha ok thats real nice. I am definitely not ugly. Im thin, and very fit my face is not covered in zits or anything like that and i dont have some nasty butch haircut. I have long hair. And, yes i have tits too. That is a little insulting.
If you are "hot" most guys will most likely pay for everything. The problem I have with it is that it is expected for some reason. Hell nowadays everything costs so damn much I just don't think the man should be strapped with all the costs.
Well that is your opinion and he smokes too so i really dont think thats a problem for him. Besides smoking has nothing to do with my personality or how i act as a person.
Yeah i definitely dont want him breaking his wallet over me, i just was raised seeing my dad pay for everything for my mom. I dont think him taking me out to dinner once a month is that much to ask, but he seems to think differently.
If he wont pay now what future do yous have. So many young girls put up with this today yous should wake up to yourselves and ditch these losers. I bet he gets plenty of sex off you
well hay i would do any thing for my girl but thas just it just talk to him i mean its a thing for guys to love there money it is like what we was put on this earth to do but never over a girl
SHUT THE HELL UP YOU TALK SO MUCH S H I T i look at every fucking story here and your fucking stupid comment is on evey fucking page dumd ass no one needs your damn fucking advise cock head
So you expect him to pay for your cigarettes? Come on! Pay for your own shit. Treating you to dinner occassionally and buying you presents sometimes is expected, beyond that is just old fashioned. Unless you're a house wife you can't expect him to pay for you all the time. You earn your own money.
Um I would say...He doesn't buy into the bullshit of supporting the woman. and is probably a cheap bastard too. Who cant throw down on a case? But, the not getting cigarettes thing i did that to my ex too. I dont know why. I think it was a subconcious game to see who would win.
Ok...to everyone who has told me to buy my own smokes... I buy ALL the cigarettes!!!! I buy my own and he "bums" them from me. I am not complaining about having to buy my own stuff. I am complaining that he is sponging off of everything I DO buy! Im not asking for him to drop cigarettes in my lap! Im saying if he is gonna smoke mine, and he smokes much more than i do, then he can pitch in and buy some too!!!!
ive got a head ache, thought id be random to start my comment, anyway, where was i, ermmmm, does he know you want him to pay for some things ? but if he can even buy you a pack of ciggys he sounds like a prick, it shouldnt matter wether your pretty or not, if a guys with you, he shold at least be a gent and buy you something every now and again, even if its a can of coke.
Baby, He's a Pimp! he is getting you to pay for everything cause he thinks he's the shit. and what's wrong with that? women have been pimping men for eternity.
He is cheap. My girlfriend know how to use me, and I take her to dinner all the time and it's me who pays. That's because I have a job and she is student. And because.. I am crazy about her.
I have a boyfriend that does the same thing. You have to take into consideration his perspective of expenses.
Ya see, my boyfriend doesn't make as much money as I do. While he does have a desire to do nice things for me and wants to take me out to dinner, he really can't afford it. I can't be selfish enough to expect him to take care of all our couple's expenses when I know he's also trying to pay his own rent.
Just remember, the man who gives you everything he can spare, even if it is only a few cents, is giving much more than the man who buys you nice things and still has money to spend on himself. I hope you catch my drift.
hmm sounds like my ex, his name isnt mitch is it? lol hes a waste of time it took me 2 years to figure that out with my ex.. id have to scrounge up my coins to get us a pack of smokes and id have to get him food when he was hungry.. he didnt have a vehicle so i had to take him everywhere and get the food... ya it got worse and worse then i met trevor and i never thought a guy like him existed he buys me stuff without question cuz he wants to see me smile and ya ull find that guy just dump that bum! :P
MY BOYFRIEND USED TO BE LIKE THAT BUT YOU HAVE TO LAY IT ON THE LINE..AND MAKE HIM JEALOUS AND THEN HE'S ALL OVER YOU AND BUYING YOU EVERYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES
Why? Because he is a real immature guy who feels over-entitled, needs to be needy, and is used to using. He practically puts you in the position of being his mother. Tell the baby to grow up real fast or you'll walk. If you think that will change him. Probably it won't. So just go find yourself a man who is all grown up and is your equal.
You want an honest opinion? A partner is equal. You are not a prostitute and it is not 1950. If women want to be equal, then you need to act that way. Alternatively, he may not be that into you and doesn't want to waste his money on your cigarettes.
You've been with him 15 months. Okay. Well, you're obviously not very happy and he has Cheap Bastard Syndrome. He probably won't get any better (people are who they are). How much *more* time are you going to waste on him. Isn't it better to call it quits at 15 months than at 10 years? I would think about moving on.
why wont he pay to take you out? because its the 21st century and women can get good jobs. theres nothing romantic or chivalrous about getting money off someone. grow up and be independent
I don't beg for cigarettes, thanks, i buy my own. However, that is not the point. He ALSO smokes cigarettes--my cigarettes. And does not buy any in return. I was more getting at the fact he can be a real mooch. As for the beer--dont you ever get together with a group of friends and hang out, drink, play some cards? Or have a bonfire and drink? Most people like to relax on the weekends after a long week at work. Or are you just an unemployed asshole with no friends and no social life to speak of? Not to mention--i have a profile pic--do i really shout "white trash" to you?
God i am really sick of these comments. I posted this story ages ago. Guess what?? I have two jobs. He doesnt even have one! Wouldnt the 21st century imply a bit of equality?? Taking turns to pay for things? Or am i just supposed to pick up all the bills and be his little sugar mama? Im not asking to be showered in jewelry and dinners. I would like to treated once in a blue moon considering i treat him every week!
Could it be the power dynamic you have established in your relationship? Are you the one calling the shots or is he? Traditionally the one who "asks out" the other one pays for the date. So you should hold back a little and let him ask you out.
If thats not the case, maybe your bf wasn't raised the way you were to see how your dad treated your mom. Lot of people, their parents were separated so they don't have role models, or they have bad ones.
For me, I am always happy to pay for stuff, and I'll do so as long as I feel like it's appreciated... There are a few things that I won't buy for a girl such as pharmacy things and medical/spa services.
When it comes down to it, some people are just not generous with others, and they don't give to charity, don't tip the bellman, don't tip the bartenders, and if thats the case, you have to figure out if that will work.
I think your first post might have mislead some of us as to what is hapening.
When I first read your post, I was "what makes you entitled to demand he buys your smokes?". Your later posts changed that to "what kind of wuzz is he mooching of his GF?".
Short answer is he acts cheap - but since he is out of work he may have no choice. I would say that if each of you contribute to shared fun based on your income, it's good - if not one of you is using the other.
you should prob start thinking about finding another guy.
heres an example.
my ex used to pay for absolutely everything for me - even when i objected to it..after we broke up we stayed friends and i was around to meet and hang out with his new girlfriends that came and went... he never paid for a thing with these girls and made them pay for everything. food,drinks,fuel, u name it. when three of us would go out he would always offer to pay for me and not his girl so id offer to pay for HER. it was really messed up and disrespectful and i stopped being friends with him.
it all depends on how much a guy likes a girl i think, at the least he should offer to pay half. dont let him use you.
Honey, it doesn't take a "guy" to answer your question. The reason he won't pay for anything is because he knows you will pay. The question you should be asking is: "Why do I pay for everything?"
Dump his sorry a** and tell the gigilo to find some other insecure chump to keep him!
if you want to prouve a point stop buying ciggs for awhile if hes desperate for some hell buy some (if you can) or you could pretend you quit smoking, forcing him to buy some.
Why the hell should he have to pay for your shit? Hes nice enough to treat you for fancy dinners every now and then. Do you buy him smokes and beer? Women have been fighting for equality for so long, just get a damn job and buy your own cancer sticks.
I can definitely relate to this. It sounds identical to what my boyfriend and I went through about a year ago.
And I don't think you're white trash. Everyone is too judgmental! Nothing wrong with beer and cigarettes.
Basically, what you need to do is have a serious conversation with him. Let him know how you're feeling and how much his behavior is upsetting you. And it can start small, too. If you are at the grocery store getting something ask, "Honey, could you cover this..."
Or what I always like to do...(my sneak attack) is IF you have been paying for everything for awhile and you go out to get something. Coffee, sandwiches, DVDs, whatever. Go into your purse and sadly reach for your wallet. You need to look straight up DEPRESSED. Then do an "Oh geez...." or something, shaking your head is always a plus.
Make sure you stall as long as possible and be extremely ambiguous, that way he doesn't know what you are looking for. You could be getting Chapstick for all he knows. After an awkward silence he SHOULD have the little light bulb go off in his head saying, "Wow. She really has been paying for a lot. Maybe I should cover it for once." Then he will say, "It's okay, honey. I've got it."
Then, you act shocked. Like he was "in a wheelchair and started walking" kind of shocked. Mind you, this tactic may not work on the first try, but trial and error is a magical thing, and after awhile he should get the idea.
...And if you've talked to him about the situation, you've used the "sneak attack" for a considerable amount of time and he STILL does nothing...Then, you might want to think about moving on.
I do not know how old you are, but why do you both smoke. Its not normal to knowingly abuse your body. I would be more concerned about my health and worry about relationship issues later.
my bf is a cheap bastard too, but not in the way yours is..mine will buy me dinner, take me out, buy me clothes or shoes, or whatever my heart desires to make me happy [except an engagment ring fucker, but no pressure] he just likes to look for deals on every single thing. you just need to dump your loser and find someone to take care of you.
Sounds like a cheap damned bastard. You should dump him asap and find a guy who cares about you. Of course, if you expect a guy to pay for EVERY thing, then you are probably s.o.l. Some girls are like that.
In the 21st century the person with more money should pay for more things. When my wife and I were dating I made a lot more money than her so I paid for most things we did together, because she wouldn't have been able to afford to pay to do those things herself. I don't see why it should have been different if I were the woman and she were the man.
More doesn't mean all, though, if he has any money at all he should be paying for things at least occasionally. Just stop treating him and start refusing to share your cigarettes and beer with him if he hasn't treated you recently.
poor baster. What you have ran into is a mucher who a sack of crap that what to live they he wants. Which means he wants to control you i say kick his ass to the curve and let him be depress for a couple of moths or weeks. and he'll crawl back. that would mean you can be in control of the relationship. If that does't work your love pity of bullshit.
he is using you. dump him right away. a REAL MAN WILL PAY FOR EVERYTHING AND TAKE CARE OF YOU NO MATTER WHAT AND BE THERE FOR YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN.
YOU ARE ONLY BRINGING YOURSELF DOWN BY BEING WITH HIM!!!
with the price of cigarettes being so high now you should really put up your own money. why should he pay for something you are addicted to? but otherwise i agree, if he wont pay for anything he's making a statement that he wont pay for you. if he didn't want to support you that would be one thing but refusing to take you out for dinner and a movie is really unromantic and only something a douche bag would do. i don't think its normal.
actually after reading your other comments, its clear that he's a bum and using you. its really common actually. a lot of people just go through life using one person after the next. they're insincere, abusive, phonies. its not worth your time or money. get rid of the leech.
Wow...1st of all, yes...I agree. A relationship is 50/50. However, think about...is he meeting most of your other needs...besides just money...assuming that there is a good reason he's saving or without money-like he's in med school, etc. If not, you're compromising too much, and you should walk away before you invest too much time with a person you will ultimately regret spending too many years of your life with. Women are often the ones who make the most sacrifices in relationships ... simply bc they value relationships a lot--helps when raising kids and is often part of a woman's biology,etc. However, you must be strong to be willing to make it out there on your own. When you can earn your own way and have no emotional issues about being on your own for awhile--and the guy knows it--this is your greatest bargaining chip as well. Live happy and free of losers like this guy may be. Do this simple test to create some sense of awareness about your situation-- Ask yourself if you would let someone else treat you this way-like a boss who wants to postpone paying you till next month or a cleaning service who wants their fees up front but doesn't show up to do the work. And if you would allow this to go on...think about under what circumstances and for how long. Good Luck.
so why dont you ditch that bitch
and lemme treat you
btw does he have a job?
no job, no money, end of story
That's because I have a job and she is student. And because.. I am crazy about her.
Ya see, my boyfriend doesn't make as much money as I do. While he does have a desire to do nice things for me and wants to take me out to dinner, he really can't afford it. I can't be selfish enough to expect him to take care of all our couple's expenses when I know he's also trying to pay his own rent.
Just remember, the man who gives you everything he can spare, even if it is only a few cents, is giving much more than the man who buys you nice things and still has money to spend on himself. I hope you catch my drift.
i get lots of hot girls ive never spent alot of money on them
You want an honest opinion?
A partner is equal. You are not a prostitute and it is not 1950. If women want to be equal, then you need to act that way.
Alternatively, he may not be that into you and doesn't want to waste his money on your cigarettes.
you stop being cheap!!!
maybe he doesnt like buying you shit like that?
does he not like you smoking maybe thats why ><
If thats not the case, maybe your bf wasn't raised the way you were to see how your dad treated your mom. Lot of people, their parents were separated so they don't have role models, or they have bad ones.
For me, I am always happy to pay for stuff, and I'll do so as long as I feel like it's appreciated... There are a few things that I won't buy for a girl such as pharmacy things and medical/spa services.
When it comes down to it, some people are just not generous with others, and they don't give to charity, don't tip the bellman, don't tip the bartenders, and if thats the case, you have to figure out if that will work.
tbh if he forces you to pay for everything, i'd say hes using you.
sort him out!! good luck with him!
When I first read your post, I was "what makes you entitled to demand he buys your smokes?". Your later posts changed that to "what kind of wuzz is he mooching of his GF?".
Short answer is he acts cheap - but since he is out of work he may have no choice. I would say that if each of you contribute to shared fun based on your income, it's good - if not one of you is using the other.
heres an example.
my ex used to pay for absolutely everything for me - even when i objected to it..after we broke up we stayed friends and i was around to meet and hang out with his new girlfriends that came and went... he never paid for a thing with these girls and made them pay for everything. food,drinks,fuel, u name it. when three of us would go out he would always offer to pay for me and not his girl so id offer to pay for HER. it was really messed up and disrespectful and i stopped being friends with him.
it all depends on how much a guy likes a girl i think, at the least he should offer to pay half. dont let him use you.
Dump his sorry a** and tell the gigilo to find some other insecure chump to keep him!
dont tell him nothing he will get ungry
he will get it
hey i can buy you evrything im rich lol
And I don't think you're white trash. Everyone is too judgmental! Nothing wrong with beer and cigarettes.
Basically, what you need to do is have a serious conversation with him. Let him know how you're feeling and how much his behavior is upsetting you. And it can start small, too. If you are at the grocery store getting something ask, "Honey, could you cover this..."
Or what I always like to do...(my sneak attack) is IF you have been paying for everything for awhile and you go out to get something. Coffee, sandwiches, DVDs, whatever. Go into your purse and sadly reach for your wallet. You need to look straight up DEPRESSED. Then do an "Oh geez...." or something, shaking your head is always a plus.
Make sure you stall as long as possible and be extremely ambiguous, that way he doesn't know what you are looking for. You could be getting Chapstick for all he knows. After an awkward silence he SHOULD have the little light bulb go off in his head saying, "Wow. She really has been paying for a lot. Maybe I should cover it for once." Then he will say, "It's okay, honey. I've got it."
Then, you act shocked. Like he was "in a wheelchair and started walking" kind of shocked. Mind you, this tactic may not work on the first try, but trial and error is a magical thing, and after awhile he should get the idea.
...And if you've talked to him about the situation, you've used the "sneak attack" for a considerable amount of time and he STILL does nothing...Then, you might want to think about moving on.
More doesn't mean all, though, if he has any money at all he should be paying for things at least occasionally. Just stop treating him and start refusing to share your cigarettes and beer with him if he hasn't treated you recently.
YOU ARE ONLY BRINGING YOURSELF DOWN BY BEING WITH HIM!!!