Long story but I promise I'll try to make it short.
I have a big group of close friends, some of them a little closer than others. This girl, Amber, was my best friend. One day she told all of us that she had overheard her parents saying that she had cancer. A week after that she said that her parents had talked to her and told her that she, indeed, had leukemia and that there was little time left. We were all devastated. She spent the next months telling us how horrible she felt, showing us the bruises, getting sick all the time, fainting and showing us pictures of herself at hospital. She said it was because of chemo. We all thought something about it all seemed really sketchy, but she was our friend so we believed her no matter what. We supported her through everything. We cried with her all the time, and helped her, and never left her alone. But then one day her mother talked to a teacher at school. The teacher told her that she knew about Amber's illness and that if she needed anything she had to tell her. Amber's mother said that Amber was completely healthy, and that the only times she went to the hospital were because she was having a treatment for acne. The teacher then forced Amber to tell us (me and my friends) the truth, that there was no cancer. She told us she was fine, but she was never actually able to admit that she had made it all up, she just pretended "she got better". This was incredibly upsetting and any trust was destroyed. We all got distant from her and after that day we never talked to her about it again, so she never really admitted things. Now we are divided; some friends have decided to hate her, others to be her friend but not close friend, others are just indifferent and others actually forgave her. I don't know what to do. I really want to forgiver her because I miss her a lot and I lost a friend, but I can't get myself to do it. I just feel really betrayed and angry at the same time, and I know I would never ever be able to trust her again no matter how many time passed. Then I think that everybody makes mistakes and deserves a second chance, but then I think that she never really apologized and that she keeps lying about many stuff. I honestly think she may be mythomaniac.
Anyway I'm confused. What do you think? Is this something that could happen to any of us or she's just a crazy bitch? Would you forgiver her? HELP please :(
I have a big group of close friends, some of them a little closer than others. This girl, Amber, was my best friend. One day she told all of us that she had overheard her parents saying that she had cancer. A week after that she said that her parents had talked to her and told her that she, indeed, had leukemia and that there was little time left. We were all devastated. She spent the next months telling us how horrible she felt, showing us the bruises, getting sick all the time, fainting and showing us pictures of herself at hospital. She said it was because of chemo. We all thought something about it all seemed really sketchy, but she was our friend so we believed her no matter what. We supported her through everything. We cried with her all the time, and helped her, and never left her alone. But then one day her mother talked to a teacher at school. The teacher told her that she knew about Amber's illness and that if she needed anything she had to tell her. Amber's mother said that Amber was completely healthy, and that the only times she went to the hospital were because she was having a treatment for acne. The teacher then forced Amber to tell us (me and my friends) the truth, that there was no cancer. She told us she was fine, but she was never actually able to admit that she had made it all up, she just pretended "she got better". This was incredibly upsetting and any trust was destroyed. We all got distant from her and after that day we never talked to her about it again, so she never really admitted things. Now we are divided; some friends have decided to hate her, others to be her friend but not close friend, others are just indifferent and others actually forgave her. I don't know what to do. I really want to forgiver her because I miss her a lot and I lost a friend, but I can't get myself to do it. I just feel really betrayed and angry at the same time, and I know I would never ever be able to trust her again no matter how many time passed. Then I think that everybody makes mistakes and deserves a second chance, but then I think that she never really apologized and that she keeps lying about many stuff. I honestly think she may be mythomaniac.
Anyway I'm confused. What do you think? Is this something that could happen to any of us or she's just a crazy bitch? Would you forgiver her? HELP please :(
Have you come clean with her about how you feel; like one-on-one without others around? Have you told her that her faking a fatal illness left you feeling betrayed and furious with her?
Right now you're very angry with her, but you said that you miss her and want to forgive her, so she must have some good qualities. I think you should give her a second chance if you feel that way. Make sure you are honest about your anger and give her the opportunity to apologize, otherwise it will only poison any possibility for friendship you have with her, but once you have, let it go. Make it clear to her that if you catch her lying to you again, your friendship is over for good.
It's difficult to go the route of forgiveness and not everyone wants to make the effort it takes because it does take effort. Do you think she is worth the effort? If you don't, that is okay too, you have that right.
Personally, if one of my friends did that, I'd probably forgive them. But that's just me and you are not me. Everyone's different.
You are welcome