Is it normal that i am scared everyday about my mother dying

I know this post is quite old but I had to comment because I actually burst into tears reading it. This is exactly the fear I struggle with every day.

When I was 11, I lost my father to suicide. Before that, I had always had a fear of something happening to my mum because my father would bear her and nearly killed her before. I'm an only child and have always had an incredibly close relationship with my mum. As awful as it sounds, I actually remember thinking on the day of my dad's funeral "thank god it wasn't her" (bear in mind, despite the horrors we both saw and endured, we both truly loved him). When I was 13, I lost my grandfather (only grandparent I had that was alive) whom I was very close to.

I have no other family and some guys have said here, no close friends due to the fact I've isolated myself.

I suffer from OCD too which is largely centred around this fear (had it since I was a child) so it is constantly on my mind and just means it is taking over my life in so many different ways.

I've had counselling for years, CBT, exposure and response prevention therapy and hypnosis but the fear seems to be getting worse with each day that goes by. Right now I am so anxious because my mum turns 60 in a few weeks.

I think for me, my fear has a number of different causes that compound each other. One thing is that I have an incredibly dependent relationship with my mum. I've done everything I can to avoid responsibility for years (my guess would be something along the lines of feeling so responsible for making sure my mum didn't get hurt as a child) and so here I am at 26, I can't cook, I can't drive, I have no idea how to manage money, how taxes work or even how to pay bills and still live at home. So part of the fear is simply not being able to cope on a practical level and feeling too ashamed to ask anyone for help. It feels like I've put all these things off for so long that it feels like an impossibly steep mountain to climb.
Another part of the fear is about abandonment. It terrifies me that any other relationship is not "secure". Friends and partners are never going to love me unconditionally. I am never going to have that security again. I fear I will never feel safe again and that unless I constantly make myself likeable, people will leave me.
Another part of the fear is feeling like I would not be myself anymore. Without her, I feel like I would never really be "me" again. I'd just be a shell battling through each day, doing what is required to keep people around.
But the biggest part of the fear was something you touched on. I don't believe in an afterlife either and the idea of never seeing my mum again, never being comforted by one of her hugs again, knowing she would only exist in my memory, terrifies me to my very core. It feels so painful that I actually feel pain in my chest. I know from experience just how quickly memories of people fade, how soon you forget their voice and that is just too much to bear.

I want to try and have an independent life, I know she wants that for me. But then the idea of doing that and then something happening and knowing I missed all that time I could have spent with her terrifies me into not doing anything.

I don't know if I will ever find the strength to take control of my life, and when I think about it happening, I imagine myself committing suicide because I simply could not take the pain.

But one comfort I have is knowing other people have this fear.

I can identify with this to a point. I adore my mum too and worry about what will happen if she dies but I find a lot of comfort in Christianity. She is a keen Christian and her beliefs have rubbed off on me. I love to think that we might be able to hug in heaven. I have no doubt that she will go to heaven but I need a bit of work in this area. I want to go to heaven to be with my mum forever.

I hope someone responds to my message. I feel like the rest of you. I have had a fear of my mom dying since I was a small child. She is 96 now and every day I wonder if she is going to wake up in the morning. I, too, have isolated myself because all I want to do is be with my mom. I can't imagine my life without her. Please respond to this comment and tell me how you all are dealing with your fear.

Me too; I love my mom more than I love anyone else in this world. Knowing that someday she will die leaving me, is unthinkable and I am sometimes having nightmares about that.

So, as everyone has said, this is an old post, but... I had to say something.
I am 20 years old and my mom is 48.
We, (mom, Lil bother, and i) have had a very hard past but came out as survivors and are EXTREMELY close. My little brother is autistic.

I already know from talks with my mom what I will need to do after it happens. I used to be able to accept that it will happen someday.

In 2013, I was put on an antidepressant that was also supposed to help my stomach condition. I was on it for about 3 months. Before it, I had just been released from counseling with my therapist saying "I don't really know if you need therapy anymore because you already have great coping and you are doing every thing i eold recommend. I can't teach you anything you don't already know" and I was happy.
In trying to treat my stomach condition, before being released, I was on this medication. I took it for 3 months, and lost my mind. Now 2 years since I got off it, I have had a huge unrealistic fear of my mom dying, and extreme ridiculous guilt.
I like to research things, and when I start to feel really scared with this fear, I feel just that... like the fear is ridiculous. And not normal. Tonight I found this feed and honestly it made me feel better just to know that I'm not alone on this subject. I am so sorry that you all know what this pain feels like because I know how unbearable it is. Thank you all.

I Feel just like you, I just turned 21, my mom has been everything to me, and every night I'm afraid I could lose her, and I ask God to let me have her for too many years cause I know I can't support losing her. She is my life, I don't even want to get married because I want to dedicate my life to her and to God, and I feel like that's not completely normal, like I'm depressed, or too attached to my mom, but she is everything, I could never do enough to make up for everything she has done for me and my brothers

It is normal to feel this way if you are depressed, but depression is not normal. Believing in God is emotionally difficult if you are depressed. But remember feelings and faith are not the same. If you want to believe in God and want hope for your mother and yourself in this life and in heaven ask God to give you the ability to believe. It is God that gives belief, the Bible says GOD gives every man a measure of faith and He will nuture you and love you like a mother, even better than you can immagine. Find people who believe even if it is only one person, and ask God to send you someone who believes...if you dont give up He will give you belieff and help for your depression with love and hope for the future. I pray with the man I love to heal his depression all the time and it helps him greatly.

I am also very scared about my mother dieing. I have no real friends and can't seem to get my life sorted. If she went all pleasure from my life would go. The food, the way she cares for me and the house. I am scared.

I'm 29 and I cry a lot when I think of my mom dying...I'm not sure how i will react but when i think of that moment i cry.

She always been there for me, for everything.. support, good home, education, good values..then depression, drug, alcohol. I would rather die before her then to to see her die. Even though i know it would make her sad...

I was researching this and fell on your post...and the only thing i can say is i understand you.
This sucks

I am 56 years old, I take care of my mother who just turned 95, it bothers me to put down the number 95, I feel if she dies I will have a stroke or try to commit suicide, each day that goes by I get more and more scared, time goes by so fast! I always wondered how people can go on after their mothers death, I know being a loner and guilty over my brothers death, is not helping either, doomed is what I am!

I know how you feel. My grandma adopted me when I was born. Everyday I look up to her as a mother. She will always be my mum to me. And recently a neighbour died which got me thinking, that's going to happen to her. I can't get the thought out of my head. Everywhere I go. In my head. I always cry at night thinking about loosing her. She's 67. Her life is almost over.

I know this thread was made a long time ago but I'm 19 and am also feeling the same way my mum is 50+ and my mum , dad and brother have been my life support to help me during my darkest point when I was suffering from server depression. I was crying when I read this thread. At least I'm not the only one feeling this way.

I'm exactly the same, I'm 33 years old, a single parent and I love my mum to bits. She has literally been my everything,and 1 of my biggest fears is losing her.
Over the past 2 weeks she has been very unwell, she had some tests today and we are now waiting for the results. I've done some research and am terrified that my beautiful mum may have ovarian cancer. The more I read up on it the more it makes sense with her symptoms. Im a mess, I am having to leave work early,and can not stop crying because I am so scared. She really is my best friend and I can not even imagine how I could live without her. This is something I too have always feared, and right now Im falling apart. Im sorry for my rambling, I hope you are all ok x

I forever ask this simple question in life why why why, we are born and get bonded to our love ones then one by one we go to the unknown,very sad realistic issues in our journey.

Only my stance: I don't think eternity could possibly be based on the relatively few years we are here. We simplify and even bastardized God because what we were taught growing up. Explore your beliefs. You don't have to impress anyone (not even God), so get real with yourself about your beliefs and fears. You WILL feel better

I feel that way too... But maybe youll die first.. Think about that... You will leave her alone... So at the end... U could spend all ur life thinking about this, but u will never know.

Hi everyone,

I realize that this post was a few years ago, but I wanted to say that I feel the exact same. Although im not a 20 year old or older than that I think of my mother dying one day as well. I don’t have a good relationship or well any relationship with my father as he left when I was very young, and he has never been in my life so it’s just been my sister and mom. my mom is 43 and I sometimes am just listening to music and I imagine her dying and me on my own and me in the hospital with her as I tell her goodbye and it is really upsetting. My mom is my rock and I love her very much and she supports me and she’s been there for me all my life and sometimes I imagine scenarios where she dies and I end up sobbing. Unfortunately most of us can relate but I hope all who sees this is doing well and that y’all lives are good.

I thought I was the only one..seeing that so many have already experienced it conforts me a lot..I almost cry everyday for an hour or more imagining her face and the funeral and how life will be worthless without her..i wish I could die before seeing that day but I can't bear the thought of her grieving because of me..I'd rather experience that huge pain instead of her..It's almost the same with my dad but my mom has a special place in my heart that no one in this world could ever achieve..

I used to cry when my mum got sick to an extent I was never allowed to be in her room at such moments. Even slight cough from her would keep me worried. We got some mean maids who would tell us"you think your mum is special, she will also die someday".
Those words alone would make me cry till I get sick myself. Unfortunately she passed away in 2004,it took me 3 good years to accept she had died. I have been mourning her until now.
I was so attached to my mum anytime I got sick, just the sight of her and I would instantly get better.

What worries me now is am kind of attached to my bf the same way. I cry when he is sick, can barely function if he gets a flu and feel like beating whoever makes him mad. It's because of this that I want to break up with him. I can't go through what I went through again when my mum died. And unlike my mum, I know my Bf would never give me that unconditional love.

Hi everyone.. it is totally normal to feel this way. I recently lost my grandmother a few weeks ago and it has been extremely hard for me and my mom. Of course it has been difficult for my mother because she lost her mother and now feels alone since her father, my grandfather passed away many years before. My mom comments and says that she will be next and that everyone will have to go through this, aka the circle of life. Though I am a realist and understand that one day this will happen, I cannot stomach the thought and it keeps me up at night. I cry almost every day at the thought of losing my mom. I am already sad about losing my grandmother and I feel like I will be so alone if something happens. I dont know if many sons go through this kind of fear, but I certainly cannot keep the sad thought out of my mind. There are days where I just drive around and cry at the thought of losing my mom. I don't know what I would do. I feel like I will take my own life because I will be very lost and unable to cope with the sadness and loneliness. I hear a lot of young adults who have families/kids of their own cope better than those who are single. At this point in my life, I really have no desire to find someone and start a family. I do want my mom to be a grandmother one day and I feel I am the last hope to carry the name. I guess people think it sounds crazy for me to say how devastated I would be. Reading all of your stories brings tears to my eyes. I'm glad I'm not alone in this. The thing is, I understand this is a problem , a normal problem, and maybe I should talk to someone about it and get help. I empathize with you all because you have hearts and are caring people who have good souls. It's totally normal to feel this way. I honestly don't know how a son or daughter can't. I know that I shouldn't have to live in fear but I am a very sensitive person and care deeply for my family. Not only do I think about these sad things on a daily basis, I add to the pain by looking at pictures of my grandparents who have passed and of my mom and I when I was a baby. I don't know why I do this to myself. It's torturing and I need to stop sobbing and create memories with the loved ones I have left in my life. I suggest to you all, if you have those kinds of people in your lives, that you do the same. Keep memories alive but also create new ones. Those who have passed away that were once with you would never want you to be sad and stop living your life. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn't want it either. I know it's hard, but be strong. I will try to be as well. Make those memories everlasting. Whatever beliefs you have, believe in your heart that you will one day see these loved ones again. God bless

Hello, my name is Marlon and i'm sixteen years old. First of all i feel the exact way as you all do. It all started when I woke up one night feeling awful I wasn't tired at all and my heart was racing. I didn't know what was wrong but I was scared shitless. I soon thought I had anxiety or depression but I dont think it was any of them. This only happened a few days ago from writing this. I had some thoughts about life and death and shit in which I solved just simple questions like Am I just dreaming or is there an afterlife stuff like that. I soon realised I'm not dreaming and there is an afterlife. Anyways my mum has been the only one I ever loved in the world. I would live and die for her in anything. Its a never ending, never breaking love. I have usually isolated myself from other people my whole life but now I love being around people. Its weird I know. Anyways I know in my heart that I will follow her. I know its scary and I know how you all feel but just know that this is the worst you can feel ever so it can only get better, it can't get worse. I know its hard but try not to think about it and by the gods I know that impossible but think of it this way, you are older now or maybe your already old but you just heard that she died. You can either reflect on all the fun happy time's you had together or just remember how you did nothing to make her happy. If you commit suicide because she died then you discrace her very existence. Dont do it trust me I know its hard and you think youll be lost knowing she's is dead but she's forever in your heart. Just be around others as much as possible. Do not isolate yourself. It will kill you. Be around other family members because they're gonna go through it too. Talk to other people. Feel social, go to therapy, take drugs if you need too or alcohol, and yes that sound's bad but it will help and after all you dont care. Try and go on dates find a wife and have kids. Live life through to the end and rest assured the pain will end. You will join her again. Everyone in existence past and future has lost one's they love. We all ride the same boat. Your not alone. I also recommend listening too some good music. Like slipknot have a song about losing someone its called skeptic. And ffdp have great songs. It will get better. Thank you for reading. Now fuck off and dont give a shit.

Hi Everyone, your comments break my heart. I recently lost a friend as she didn't show up for work so we knew something was wrong. She had died at home unexpectedly and it was shocking. Since then fear has had a hold on me off and on as i am battling it, as now i have had a fear about my mom and dad and people i love dying. However, there is hope everyone and i want to share this that our hope is in JESUS. The enemy wants to kill and destroy but Jesus came so that we can have life and life abundant. Not just in heaven but here on earth. I am a believer and have 100% faith that Jesus died for everyone , that whoever believes in HIM will have everlasting life! This means that if we turn from our sin and repent as none of us our perfect , and let Jesus in our hearts and lives, as he is the only one who can change us and help us and comfort us, we don't have to fear this life or the next! And there is hope that we will be with our loved ones as i believe it 100% for those that have faith in Jesus! What's cool about the bible is it tells us stories like when Jesus came back after he died and he showed himself to his friends and they walked with him and ate with him again, he was alive and the scripture says also so where all the people that loved God were also raised from the dead and many people saw them. this is in Matthew 27 versus 51 to 53 "At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split 52 and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53 They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and[e] went into the holy city and appeared to many people. This also gives me hope and faith that when we die , we will have everylasting life and we don't have to fear dying or fear losing the ones we love, if we know and love Jesus. God loves us so much all of us , and we know this because He died and placed all our wrongs , all our hurts, all our sickness, and placed it on HIM at the cross! He died for us and gave us a way out from death. He overcame it and because of HIM so can we! WE CAN ALL OVERCOME OUR FEARS AND IF TRUST HIM AND KEEP OUR EYES AND MINDS AND HEARTS ON JESUS, WE CAN HAVE JOY AND PEACE! MY PRAYER FOR ALL OF US, IS THAT GOD'S PERFECT PEACE COMFORT US AND HELP US TO RECEIVE HIS FREE GIFT OF LOVE THROUGH JESUS WHO SAVES. TAKE AWAY OUR FEARS LORD GOD AS IT WAS ALREADY DONE AT THE CROSS SO WE DO NOT HAVE TO FEAR, SHOW US YOUR MIGHTY POWER, RENEW OUR MINDS , FREE US FROM THE BONDAGE OF FEAR AND HELP US TO REMEMBER YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE BY OUR SIDE GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!

I have the same feeling. For both my parents but more for my mother . Sometimes I look at her . Her hair is whiter and she has wrinkles . She looks at me with a tired smile and I spend the entire night crying how I'll live without her . I don't know. I wish I'd die before I saw this happen .

Glad I'm
Not alone thinking the same way.

I am actually only 17 years old but when I was 7 I lost my dad and when I was 14 I lost my grandma and grandpa. So I don't have any grandparents or a dad. My mom is everything to me, she has supported me through everything and she is my best friend. If I ever need help with anything she will help. All the time I get scared by thinking of the fact that one day I will lose her and that I will have nobody else. It is getting really hard to cope with because she is 50 and turns 51 in two months and she has cancer. She will be going away for transplant very soon and will be away for a long time. I need help figuring gout how to deal with this. "You can always remember memories but you can't remember feelings".

I'm 30 and my mother is 70.. She had me late at 40 and I'm her only child.
When my step father passed away over 20 years ago, it's only been my mother and I living together.

Apologies in advance as this post will be long.

I've read all your comments and it brings me down to tears because losing my mother is the only fear I have. I don't depend on my mother as I solely take care of her and everything in the household. I pay the bills, cook, clean, do all the groceries, arrange all her appointments etc.
I have had stable long term relationships with dependable partners in the past and I have a big circle of supportive friends. I have countless cousins and relatives but Ive never felt close to them or really consider them family.

But It's the simple thought of her not being there for me to see or talk to anymore that's crippling me all these years. The first time was when I found the paperwork for her funeral that was paid for already by my step father prior to him passing. Just the thought of her dying one day scares me so much that in the past, I thought about ending my life if she dies as I don't know how I'm gonna to cope let alone know what to do or how I'm going to feel. It's debilitating. I cry all the time just thinking about it and imagining that day when she's gone.

I don't see a point of moving out especially when my mother had a stroke almost 2 years ago and I'm her sole care giver. So that fear of her dying has heightened ever more since.

Even when I had long term partners in the past, they had to understand that my mother will be living with us no matter what as I promised to my mother that I will never place her into a nursing home.

I am considering counselling but I hate crying in front of people. I try to counsel myself and really try to understand and be stronger and accepting that everyone dies. I think for some people it's because you don't have control of situations like a someone close to you dying. And if you're an only child, knowing that you're the only person that's going to feel that pain when she passes away is scary.

Although I didn't find the answers to why I'm feeling like this, reading all your comments gives me some sense of comfort knowing I'm not the only that feels this way and has this debilitating fear.

Hello Dear. I just wanted to say that I am in the same boat here. I'm twenty years old and don't have many friends due to the depression and anxiety that I've struggled with my whole life. Everyday I think of what it will be like once my mom dies. It freaks me out and sometimes I go to bed terrified. You're not wrong to feel the things you do. Depression is a very isolating illness. The things that we can take comfort in are very rare and near and dear to us. I feel the same way about my mom. I love her more than anything ever and always will.

I think it's important to remember that everything in life is very transitory. Although life after death is rather unknown I hold onto faith that there may be something after this. Cherish your mom while she is here. It is normal. You are not alone in feeling these things. Life is a very scary thing... if you ever need to talk pm on here.

I think this is completely normal. I worry so much and cry every night about my mum, gran and grandad passing as I am so close to them. My mum had me quite young, falling pregnant at just 18. My dad wasn't a help with me atall, being an alcoholic and doing ridiculous things like transporting drugs with me as a baby in the car. Although he loved me so much he abused my mum which led to her moving out and taking me when I was only 3. Though I see her as an amazing mother, she is also like a sister and best friend to me and I love her so much for that.Even though we have our little arguments, she's the best mum I could ask for. As for my grand parents , they have helped to raise me and helped my mum at the worst of times. I am also so very close to them , being able to tell my gran anything and my grandad being the best father figure I could wish for as my dad's not been there for me. I know this probably didn't help atall but I just wanted to let you know that your not the only one out there.

Hmm...I'm not sure really, when I was MUCH younger I was scared to death EVERY FIGGIN' DAY that my parents would die especially my dad since he's really old. However I eventually grew out of it (sorta) I'm less scared now but still a bit. But heres my advice get help, NOW. If you don't I have a feeling you may just commit suicide when she does.

I use to cry for the exact same reason as a kid, occasionally think about it every now n then but quickly snap myself out of it before i can get sad.

As much as this may not comfort you... It is normal. I used to stay awake eveynite in fear someone would hurt my mom. U need to take small steps to get out and make friends... Sorry for ur pain