[Part II]
4) In 1998, I was 33 and was struggling to build a career life for myself, this after failing to complete college due to emotional and behavioral issues... I had just gotten a good job working for a university, and was embarking on a path that would allow me to start taking classes, etc. At that time, mom ran into the mother of an old friend from grade and high school in some department store in my home town. The poor friend's Mom made the mistake of asking, "How's your son??" Well, my mom launched into a crazy tirade out of the blue, saying things like, "he never amounted to shit...he's no good... he never did anything with his life and never will". My friend found out from his Mom what went down, and though he and I hadn't spoke for years, he tracked down another friend that had been in contact with me, and after agonizing over what to do, decided to reach me and tell me what happened...
So, I am telling you this because -- It took me too many years to realize that my mother's opinion was worth absolute shit, and that I should have stopped considering her an important part of my life, long ago. I did start to realize around 16/17 that she was often wrong about many things, but I guess I still had that reaction of listening to her, and caring what she thought. In her case, and possibly in your case, making a definite emotional break as cleanly and as soon as possible may be the most important thing you ever do for yourself. There are already habits in your mind, as that person's child, that would tend to wear you down. This doesn't mean you have to "stay away at holidays", but it does mean coming to terms as soon as possible that your mother very possibly cannot love you unconditionally, and that YOU are not bound by the same fate with your own children !! My sisters, for example, all became caring, and absolutely loving mothers to their kids.
I hate my mother.
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[Part II]
4) In 1998, I was 33 and was struggling to build a career life for myself, this after failing to complete college due to emotional and behavioral issues... I had just gotten a good job working for a university, and was embarking on a path that would allow me to start taking classes, etc. At that time, mom ran into the mother of an old friend from grade and high school in some department store in my home town. The poor friend's Mom made the mistake of asking, "How's your son??" Well, my mom launched into a crazy tirade out of the blue, saying things like, "he never amounted to shit...he's no good... he never did anything with his life and never will". My friend found out from his Mom what went down, and though he and I hadn't spoke for years, he tracked down another friend that had been in contact with me, and after agonizing over what to do, decided to reach me and tell me what happened...
So, I am telling you this because -- It took me too many years to realize that my mother's opinion was worth absolute shit, and that I should have stopped considering her an important part of my life, long ago. I did start to realize around 16/17 that she was often wrong about many things, but I guess I still had that reaction of listening to her, and caring what she thought. In her case, and possibly in your case, making a definite emotional break as cleanly and as soon as possible may be the most important thing you ever do for yourself. There are already habits in your mind, as that person's child, that would tend to wear you down. This doesn't mean you have to "stay away at holidays", but it does mean coming to terms as soon as possible that your mother very possibly cannot love you unconditionally, and that YOU are not bound by the same fate with your own children !! My sisters, for example, all became caring, and absolutely loving mothers to their kids.