I hate my mother.

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  • jla122982

    i am so glad i found this site. people think i'm a freak because i don't like my own mother. truth is, i hate her. never liked her. can't stand her ugly face, her voice, the way she acts. she is extremely unintelligent. she thinks aliens abducted her. she grosses me out. she trapped my dad by getting pregnant. i even found my favorite children's book in my dad's basement and noticed that a little me had crossed out all the "mommys" and wrote in dad. i love me dad, adored his mother (rip) hate her. i also hate her mother. she is a cold hearted bitch that never wanted to know me or do shit for me and makes me feel uncomfortable. some of her stunts: losing custody of my older brother before i born for allowing the bible study cult she was living with to beat him with tree branches (at the age of 3), taking no interest in my school, not retaining a word i have ever said, leaving me alone for the night as a child while my dad works so she can have an affair, admitting to me she thought a friend of mine was prettier than me when i was a little girl, shafting me on back to school clothes but always buying herself a fresh new ugly top, leaving my dad and trying to force us out of our home on christmas time after agreeing we could keep the house she didn't pay her fair share for, sending her boyfriend's daughters to college and footing the bill for their wedding on her dime while i suffer and struggle in minimum wage hell, blowing me off on my birthday after not seeing me for a year, promising me her car only to give it to someone else while i drive a deathtrap (she did this twice), driving over an hour every month to see her mother who lives a town away from me and not bothering to make plans with me ever while she's in the state. i could go on. i feel shame that i came from this disgusting and dumb woman.

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    • Mikey47

      Thank you for sharing and you have my sympathies! I think that a lot of people just do not get it that some of us survived our early years with mothers who absolutely failed us! Is is sometimes almost like they think when you say that forbidden thing, "I hate my mother!," that in their little brains it seems you are actually saying that you hate motherhood and all mothers including their mothers. Seeing this page makes me feel less alone because I would really like to not hate my mother, but, sadly, she has more or less forced me to do so in her failures as a mother and as a human being.~Mike

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      • jambalaya

        My mother and I never met eye to eye. She was never around while I was in my pre-teen to teenage years and since she came back, our morals, opinions - just the way we see things in general almost always clash.

        I have been diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder for 2 years now but I can't talk about it with my mom. I envy others who can open up about anything with their mothers. She was even present during some of my therapy sessions, and she always managed to debate with my therapist (who had helped me a lot, btw). I decided to stop therapy, partly because my mom didn't feel good about it. Just recently I tried to open up to her about my depression and she told me "you're just copying others. You weren't really depressed before, you're just lazy." Which is probably one of the most disgusting things you could say to someone with a mental disorder. So I just shut my mouth trying not to breakdown. It's sort of her defense mechanism because she didn't want to be associated with someone "crazy." She even once said "well you certainly didn't get that from my side of the family." Almost like she was trying to defend herself. I never experienced shopping with my mom. She buys me stuff , mostly clothes that I couldn't use because she obviously doesn't know my taste in clothes. She tortures me mentally by making me go thru processes that aren't really healthy for me. Like making me sign a daily accounting record every time before giving me my allowance when I was still studying, and making me bring this piece of notebook which my dentist had to sign every time I get my braces adjusted, instead of just getting real receipts. The notebook situation with the dentist was painful because everybody in her clinic gave me a weird look every time I asked my doctor to sign my mom's notebook. She never allowed me to borrow her things when I was still in their house, and I ended up getting screamed at if I tried. She's really selfish. Even if we lived in the same house, what's hers was hers and I didn't have any share of it. Even the chocolate in the fridge. I'm trying not to hate my mom. But i'm already 25 and every time I come home for a vacation, she manages to really get into my nerve. She loves my sister, visits her all the time in her city (which is a longer drive from my mom's town compared to mine). Takes pictures with my sister and asks me to take it for them without inviting me to join in. Every time I try to subtly talk my sister into not following my mother's "selfish" ways, my mom gives me a bad stare.
        She always brags about my sister, sometimes she brags about me too, by saying false truths/ exaggerating stories about me, that is. She says that I finished my studies from a very prestigious university in my country, which is partly true, I studied there for 2 and a half years and transferred to a local university, which I'm proud of. It's almost normal for her to tell people lies. Her made up stories just come out naturally. Hearing them makes me literally crazy.

        I'm just glad I'm not alone.

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    • jamiejetjamie

      You are not. Your Mom is probably a narcissist.

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      • Angelfaith4u

        Yes. She sounds like a narcissist. In fact, I would suggest most of you that have these feelings, research narcissism by mothers. It took me 42 years to realize it. Covert narcissism is a thing too.

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      • akdjklja

        Ah, that is a good point. People should look into NPD, especially if they have trouble in relationships because they are co-dependent. Many such pairings evolve, as adaptive strategies.

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    • akdjklja

      I didn't know how to answer this question.

      Is it normal to hate your mother? I don't think so.
      It it normal to hate a person like that? It would be hard to love them.

      For many years I have felt bad for feeling about my mother like that. My parents separated and like most children in that situation I stayed with my mother. Our dad was the bad guy, after all, as in so many cases. Was he? After all these years, I still do not know.

      All I know is that he was the bad guy and she was the good one, even though she was the one beating us. It took me many decades to figure out how much of an accepted double standard it really is to be hit by your mother and how much worse that is usually treated if done by a man.

      To me, I always felt worse about feeling ill towards my mother than the ill feelings themselves. I felt bad about feeling badly. I felt guilty for hating my mother. It was more complicated, though, perhaps. I loved her, but I hated the things she had done to me. I often had dreams of being adopted, but I know this would have torn me apart, because it would have meant that I had abandoned my mother.

      We feel bad for hating our mothers, because society tells us we should love our parents and they should love us. But in reality, DNA alone does not make family. Eventually, you will feel about a parent who mistreats you like any other person who mistreats you. We don't like to admit this, but it's true.

      And the one day that I was able to feel free from the guilt I felt over feeling towards my mother like that was when I accepted that. I finally realized that I had not been a bad child and a bad person, but that my mother simply blamed me for having acted up in school, for getting into fights with my brother when she did not teach us any different: if you have a disagreement, you hit each other. She tried to teach us that it's not good to hit each other - by hitting us. So that was a lesson that never quite connected with us.

      I then realized, decades after having moved out, that many of the things she had done were not normal. I realized that many of the things she had done would have qualified as child abuse. If I would do those things to my children, I would end up in prison now.

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