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My 48-year-old platonic male friend has never had a girlfriend in his life. He's average looking and a well meaning soul most of the time, but has a rather abrupt and distant manner. As a result of never having had a girlfriend, he's still never made love to a woman and is still a virgin. Is this normal?
Andrian007, you're wrong that even some men by accident should have sex now and then. I'm 47 never dated, never had a girlfriend. Women have never been interested in me. If women aren't interested in you, it doesn't matter how hard you try, as guys like me will never have a girlfriend.
I agree. I'm 55, never had a girlfriend either, but on the other hand, I enjoy my hobbies,( baseball card collecting, happy hour,etc.) and to tell you the truth, the married guys I run into at the bar are telling me how lucky I am to being single! So all in all, don't feel so bad.
It is very interesting that you would say that. We try to lead "normal" lives and actually help others less fortunate because it feels good,not because we want money or praise.
This probably makes women feel that you are boring, too "vanilla" and without the required "edge".
Just figure that you have done the right thing, have NEVER hurt anyone and that you can still live a reasonably normal life, but it will be a life without women.
I can understand what you're going through since I'm 60, haven't dated, never had a girlfriend, and still a virgin. I'm in the same boat as you are since I've always thought no women likes me either. But then again, maybe we're the lucky ones
I am 45 and never had a girlfriend although I did have sex a few times. I don,t feel I am normal...I now believe I probably am addicted to porn. When I like someone I start thinking a lot of negative stuff and get anxiety.
Looking at all these posts makes me believe that ALL of us got early ( and frequent) "advance training" on how to be alone and how to be very well used to it and comfortable with it.Maybe "companionship" comes from at the price of being in a social game which is really unpleasant or at a price that is too high to play.
No entitlement, just an understanding that women are just not a part of your life.
I was a virgin until I was 44 years old. I certainly was not saving myself for that "special" person. I don't know exactly why it turned out that way. Several different reasons I guess. I'm a pretty shy guy and I find it difficult to be in social situations. I'm very self conscious especially with girls/women. I did have a couple of girlfriends when I was 19-20. Sex was never an option because they were both young (13 and 14). Also because of a couple of comments made to me at a young age about the size of my penis I developed a hang up about that too.
The environments I found myself in over the years didn't help much. My school was an all boy school, no girls. When I left school and got a job it was all guys. Then I joined the Navy (90% guys). Then I got another job, again 90% guys.
I was thinking about this the other day and realized I've never spoken to a female between the age of 16 and 25. Most of the females I've had conversations with were either very young or older, usually married, women.
I eventually found a woman, over the internet, who was willing to sleep with me. Unfortunately all the years of being alone screwed me up and I was unable perform the act. After many times of trying we managed it one time. Subsequent attempts failed and we stopped trying. That was 8 years ago. We still live together but haven't had a sex life for most of it. I feel sorry for her. It was all my fault. So now I'm 52 and I've had sex one time.
One problem when you don't have sex for so long is that your sex life consists solely of fantasies and in fantasies you tend to dream of having sex with only beautiful women. You'll go somewhere and see a really cute good looking girl and fantasize about having sex with her. After so many years I found it hard to be attracted to normal girls. Not that I would of turned down any offer from one.
Being in this situation wouldn't be so bad if I didn't like women but I do, I love women. I hate my life now. I wish I had been courageous enough to kill myself when I was younger. When I think about my life I get really sick feeling in my stomach. Now I just hope that I die soon from a heart attack or cancer or something like that.
as for these idiots that say shit like "just go and get laid". If it was that easy for us don't you think we would of done it by now? That's like telling an alcoholic who wants to get off of it "just stop drinking" or telling a drug addict who wants to quit "just stop taking drugs". Wow we can solve all the worlds problems real quick huh?
We're all different. I guess there are people who are still virgins at this age who have no problem with it. I'm not one of them. I would love to be able to be looking back on my life and think of all the lovely ladies I got to make love to but I can't. All I have to look back on is years of loneliness,frustration, shame, anger, embarrassment and regret.
I have been greatly depressed for about 4 year, I was diagnosed with Ms for 6. I had a girlfriend a few of years a ago, and left me. I'm OK, I've always been OK, I am the one bump into in a bar, says sorry you kick the shit out of me and still say I'm sorry. That's me in an nutshell. I've been in therapy for like almost 4 years, been to couple of psychiatrist and neurologist. Anyway I take care of myself, I try to help everyone I can. My parents lots their business and houses, we rented another house which burnt in a fire started by a neighbor then I had to quit college took a job bought a house for me an parents. I am 38 in debt, in love of women, but they don't seem to like me. Have you ever been told you are perfect... For my friend she's so cute. I've had a few of those in the past years. I try I really do try to go out learn new things and keep myself busy. But takes a toll, as I said I love women I am very very shy, but I do force myself to talk to them even ask them out. Still 40, single, and in debt. For like a couple of years it is battle between my same self and my depressed one
I have even named each and everyone of my personalities. But they all seem to busy to learn how to talk to a woman. I don't get nervous Im just boring, with no personality. For more than 2 years I have contemplated suicide. I don't want to get 50 without a woman. I feel like I am damage goods. I read this post and realized you could fight a lost battle (remember you can't beat it by yourself) or rest and spare your suffering. I have mentioned my intentions to my parents... Probably seeking for an answer they don't have. I getting my things in order, trying to finish paying the house, already got a family funerary contract. So they don't run. My parents didn't respond well obviously. I told them this was just me trying seek attention... An it probably is, but now I feel better to know that I got cover in in case I man up and spare me from the future.
Thanks for listening.
I wouldn't mind helping you out, I'm married and when I was younger I always got pretty lucky and I'm not a handsome guy by any means I'm also short as all hell. 1 thing I've learned is that being charismatic is a big part also never look desperate or try too hard but don't be scared to be flirty or touchy. I feel alot of nice guys who have trouble actually getting to the next level are too hesitant to pull a move, if you're on a date be funny or just yourself don't try too hard to be something throughout the day don't be nervous of touching her in her hands or arms, hips just flirty not creepily. And read the girls signals not all dates will go good some just might not be into you. If the fact of dating or blind dating is not your thing then online dating can be alot easier and more likely to find someone more suitable to your liking, the downside to that is that you lose the human interaction that some of you guys need. Also I feel alot might recommend a hooker and that I'd might be off-putting i feel like it might be a great idea atleast for the sexual anxiety you might experience and that way if you do find someone you will be past that awkward hurtle of anxiety you may experience in bed also a hooker/s can boost confidence once you find yourself sexually. I find it real interesting what you go through once personally have dealt with depression but for other reasons, I honestly want to help! Never give up and remember put your part you can't get anything out of nothing you must work for it and do what you must go out of your way to WANT to get what you need.
I feel you man... i share most of these points with you too.
your right. your mind doesn't associate sex with a women as a means to an orgasm. Your wood as become accustomed to using fantasy to get there. But thats a habit that you can break and the key is right there next to you if she still lives with you. you have to train your willy to view her as your best means to an orgasm. it's hardest (no puns) at the the beginning... but gets easier. if you must, use viagra style pills to force erections and have sex as frequently as possible. slow it down, breath through it ... if she's still there then you my friend ARE one of the lucky ones.... the harder thing to do also is to NOT entertain those fantasies. starve your penis and it WILL choose the almighty vagina. and eventually you'll balance out. it wont hurt to work on your mental well being throughout as well.
If she has since gone, then i suggest saving enough money to do this with an escort. unfortunately it's a process that needs to be undertaken if you want to progress i think.
my two cents.
That was deep man. Have the last 5 years been kind to you? I hope you've gotten a handle of ur demons
Well with so many women today going for the bad boy type of men which many of them wouldn't know how to handle being with many of us good men anyway, it really makes it very difficult for us finding a good one which years ago it was so much more easier.
Of course it's not normal, but if he's cool with it then it should be alright. Not everyone in the world has to be coupled up to be/feel whole.
I'm sure if he was desperate he would have paid a professional to solve the virginity issue.
Obviously, it's unusual for a 48 year-old man to have never had a girlfriend, but it's not something that's never happened before. I'm a 30 year-old male and I've never had a girlfriend before as well, so I kind of understand what he's thinking.
When you ask this question, are you curious as to why he's single? Why don't you go and find out? Ask him how he feels about the whole thing and whether he really is alright being in his current position. Maybe he is genuinely happy being single or he's been in traumatc situations in the past.
Call me a geek, but IMHO it is extremely hard for a straight man to go through 48 years of his life without ever having a girlfriend. I'm very intrigued as to what makes such a man. And when you find out wat he's thinking, perhaps you can tell me so that I might learn a few things myself. Whenever you have spare time, get in touch ([email protected]), I'm very curious!
A straight man 48 years old.. He might be straight. You never know. I have tried for years to get a girlfriend, and had no luck. I am 42 and never had girlfriends. Not my choice. When I keep getting rejected, or ignored despite how hard I tried, some things you can not change or do anything about.. Now there are times that I think of doing things with young guys 18 - 24 years old. A straight man can turn gay if he does not get girlfriends. I would do something now with a young guy if I had to in order to satisfy my sexual needs. Look at guys who go to prizon for years.. They never would touch guys, but when they go to prizon they do...
In my teens and early 20s, I never thought about touching another guy or doing some thing with a young guy. That thought never crossed my mind. I never thought I would think of such thing.. It was all about girls, and I always thought by now I would be married and have kids..
normal not everyone experiences love with the opposite sex maybe a friend or relatives or maybe he's gonna have a relationship sooner you'll see :D
I am 42 and have never had a girlfriend. When I was younger man in my teens and twenties, women never saw me as anything more than a fellow student or a forgettable person. My college and university years were particularly hurtful. I was very young looking and skinny for my age you see and that made me a target for some unprovoked nasty remarks by female strangers about my "ugliness". I also got a lot of shunning and mobbing. I dropped out of university actually. I know I have never been good looking, and I have long struggled with a height and bone structure complex at 5'9 and being from a family of men over 6ft. But as I got into my mid 20's and beyond, I realized that there was simply no attraction towards me. It didn't matter if I put myself out there or used dating websites, nobody would give me a chance. If I were introduced to women they would ignore me or tell me i'm not there type.I could never date an obese woman I admit that, but I never set my sights too high. It just wasn't meant to be for me. I am a slightly short heighted man with a bad skull, bad hairline, poor beard growth and the wrong sort of face. Its all genetics that turns women away. Escorts is my only sexual experiences.
Everyone here seems to be lonely and inexperienced for different reasons, but I couldn't really see anyone mention that they suffered from any personality disorders.
I'm 40. Never had a girl, sex or blah blah blah.
And my reason is that I've suffered from AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder) since I was 14.
And this has made me hate myself in every way imaginable.
I can't work or socialize or do anything. I just sit at home (I'm on disability) and do whatever people do when they're home alone. And it's been like this since I left my parents' house, 22 years ago.
I would love to be in a relationship, but I simply can't go out there and find someone. I literally can't. It's a mental block. I feel to ashamed of the way I look, so I don't even try because I know what the result would be.
I've tried therapy and medications, but nothing works.
Instead, I have to sit here listening to my neighbors going at it every night, and it's torture.
For those who are asexual or not that bothered, I suppose they can still get lonely. But if you don't even have the choice to find someone even if you'd like to, well, people have ended it all for less.
Just thought I'd weigh in here. I'm 45, never had sex, never had a girlfriend. Why? I'm not 100% sure, confidence since childhood. I've always struggled with my weight, and that hasn't helped, but plenty of fat guys get laid. Much of it stems from a religious background that teaches against casual sex. Until I was in my early 30s I just kept looking for that perfect someone, which never happened. They I just gave up for about a decade. Recently, over the last few years, I've learned some things. I'm actually quite engaging and have more game than I ever thought I did. I've had a few opportunities, dated a bit and flirted a lot. Problem is, most of my social circle is still in that Christian community and still no casual sex, at least not without some serious commitment. So I'm at a tough spot. Can I date, keep my convictions, and not have sex? Should I just find someone to date so I can gain some experience? Really a weird place to be in at middle age.
Well you can really thank the kind of women for this mess since most women today unfortunately are down right very nasty and such horrible creatures to begin with. Most women now don't even have any respect for us good men at all with a very rotten personality to go along with it when many of us good men will try to start a normal conversation with them. Women have certainly changed for the worst of all since most of the time i even see these very dumb women dating the ugliest over weight men which they most likely must have a lot of money for these type of women to go after these type of men to begin with. And the great majority of the women today do prefer men with a lot of money which makes these women just users and very pathetic losers to begin with since they really are taking advantage of these poor innocent men in the first place to begin with. I really do feel very bad for these men anyway since these women just want these men to spend money on them all the time and unfortunately will dump these men later on and move on to the next one which is a real shame. Women are just so very evil nowadays since they're so very greedy, selfish, spoiled, and very money hungry too. This is the very excellent reason why many of us good innocent men don't do well with women at all since we really can't even blame ourselves to begin with for the kind of women that are out there these days unfortunately that have Ruined many of us men.
I was 37 when I lost my virginity. I was always just the friend relationship until I got a girlfriend who was willing to have sex with me, eager really. I've been wanting to confess this to someone, I was bored by the experience. I have no doubts that I'm straight it's just I thought sex would be better. It seems so overrated to me. I spent the time thinking about how much more fun I had when I was backpacking in Tucany when I was younger. Maybe I was just not that into her. I don't know. I haven't had sex since or a girlfriend for that matter. Just friends relationship with women.
me in mid thirties, not a virgin but never had a serious commitment.I dont see myself ever getting married, since I do not understand relating with women and at this point in my life I have more important things to concentrate on. Other than afew one night stands here and there, I mainly rely on escort services. For me whether I feel hurt or mind being single forever, I have adjusted to that life and to be honest, changing that now would require alot of effort coz I would have to adjust to a life of incorporating someone to my life of which if I really needed to do I would have done it before, but not now.
i think someone is making fun of their boyfriend on this question lol. thanks for trying to help guys
But then again with so many women nowadays that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, narcissists, money hungry, how in the world could many of us good single men be able to have a girlfriend in the first place that isn't like that anyway since many of them just want a Rich Man today.
I know how a lot of these people feel.Im 41 and sex consists of escorts since I was 23.I have loved porn from as long as I can remember that plays a part. Im very picky about women and I have so much anxiety about dating it just makes me give up. You meet these nice women but you mess things up like not calling because your anxiety and you cant talk. Rejection for a coffee date or a movie is over bearing so you live in a fantasy of what it would be like..oh well..
I am 47 and have never been in a relationship. It goes back to severe chikd abuse for me. A mentally ill mother and a pedophile stepfather. I did have a few experiences when drunk with women over the years at night clubs. But mostly I am alone. The funny thing is I have been told I am handsome. But anxiety renders me alone. I think there are many people that spend their lives alone. It is a hard life and I wish I could break out of it.
SIGH*
I know how all of you feel. I don't know the date of these posts... It's May 2015 for me. I am not old enough yet but I will never have a girlfriend. Next year I am 30. I am not a virgin and only been with 3 very unattractive females.
Anyways I have no sob story. It's the same like I'll never be an astronaut or billionaire. It just ain't gonna happen. Some of you people just got to accept facts and life as it is or your going to give yourselves mental illnesses.
I can't hate the people born with "it" or feel jealous as there are some things in me they would feel jealous about too. Been told I am handsome by women, I am tall and built but for what have you no gf... oh well. There could be worst things in life. I don't care if I'll ever get married or have sex again (last time was at 25). C'mon guys, I have loving friends and family. I dabble with interests and talking to girls but they are NOT, I repeat, NOT INTERESTED IN ME and no chick will probably ever will be. Got lucky a couple of times but at least I know what it is so I know that it is pure bullsh*t how society built it up like it's the end all be all.
That's my rant. I don't give a f*ck. I know if I got energy to think about being single then I am sidetracked. To everyone else out there, stay strong and carry on.
I am 42 and The longest relationship I was ever in was a whopping two months. When growing up I was very shy and always focus on one girl in high school. I asked her out she said no instead of Looking at all the other women around me I was devastated. In college I only dated a handful of girls and same thing if I got rejected or dumped I took it personally. I really didn't try to to date again until I hit the age of 32. I lost 100 pounds I got really excited about life again. I basically told myself no matter how many times I got rejected, laughed at, used, whatever I wouldn't take it personal and view it as a learning experience as I had zero experience with women. I had the most success with women in the last 10 years as I had in my life ( a lot of dates, more sex than ever, found the girl who rejected me in high school on Facebook and took her to Las Vegas) .but still no matter how hard I try I never had a relationship or a marriage. Girls just don't view me as long-term material. I also agree with the previous poster where what you been solo long your view of women gets distorted.I only want beautiful women and when I do actually date a woman who will give me a chance i become quickly. I also believe if you are still single by the time you hit 40 there is a 90+ percent chance you will be single for life. It will be just so hard to try to live with someone now and change. I am used to doing what I want what I want and thinking about myself. Pluswhen I do go on dates now I always get the question, " so you are 40 and have never been married?" That is the kiss of death. Most women look at you as damaged goods. Plus the only women that are available in my age group are single moms who basically hate men to begin with. I'm sorry I'm so pessimistic. The bright side is all my friends who thought they found the love of their life are now divorced, have kids, have to dole out a large amount of money every month and deal with a woman who now hates them. I'm glad Ill never have to deal with that. I have given up. Marriage and children are just not in the cards for me. Once you can accept yourself for who you war becomes a lot easier. I still enjoy the occasional date. But other than that that's where it's going to end. Maybe in my next life things will be different.
I am 52, and have never had a girlfriend. I am a highly educated successful professional. When I was younger, I had several female friends, but none ever saw me as anything more. I know I have never been good looking, and I have long struggled with my weight, but I used to believe that eventually I would find that special someone, but when I hit my mid-forties, I realized that it was something that wasn't meant to be. All my sexual experiences have been with either drunken club girls or prostitutes.
i get your pain man! i've been unlucky all my life. 40 years old and havent gone on one date. i grew up with a single parent that went crazy when i was very young. i ended up spending half of my youth in a homeless shelter. once i finished high school, i worked menial chitty jobs and did useless computer tech support that paid just as bad. been working two jobs ever since to be able to pay rent and eat. i quit one of the jobs and replaced it with a job as a super in an apartment building, which allowed me to go to community college and earn an associate degree, which is as useful as soiled toilet paper. luckily, i was diagnosed as a diabetic in my 20's, and have suffered greatly since with side effects from meds and daily injections. right now, at this age, i personally despise and resent everyone. i pretty much respect nobody and am completely careless on feelings. i laugh at other's misery as a way to console my own misery. its the only thing that i can think positive in whats left of my miserable life. i have never known happiness, and i sure as hell wont become a social person overnight. i work, eat, chit, sleep period. i have no friends. i went to an all asian high school where most were racist and had their head up their buttt all the time like they were better than everyone. there is no point to anything that i do, since i've pretty much been used every step of my life, and i dont need complications, because i have more than enough. every single step that ive taken has pushed me back 100 steps. you can see why i dont need dating, relationships, marriage, etc. its just extra work that has no rewards yet costs a fortune, and ALWAYS ends up in more misery. i was hoping diabetes would finish me off quickly, but it looks like i'm not working hard enough on that part.
I have been a virgin for 44. A memory of ptsd has surfaced. In my case, the witness of the tragic event has probably contributed. Im guessing some of yall have past issues that dont seem related to your social life but may be contributing.
hi ,, I too, have not ever had a proper girlfriend,, I am now 48 year old male,, I have really come to the end of myself trying for years (well decades) trying to work out why,,, I think amongst other things, what stands out the most is that (I know it sounds strange) is that im far too nice,, this is what ive worked out through general forums on the internet, and friends male and females, I am quiet good looking, keep myself extremely fit, so that's not the case, have been well off, and poor, and owned property, until going banckrupt through alcoholism , which this was started through lonliness, and getting turned down on a regular bases,, I have fault tooth and nail for many years for a woman, totally given up more than once for years,,Asked women out straight away, waited till friendship develops, or just larked around, WHATEVER I HAVE BEEN TOLD SEEN HEARD , I HAVE TRIED BUT TO NO AVAIL, oh just too let you all know I overcame my drink problem , and haven't had a drink for 11 years,, in my younger days I was a paratrooper, and did boxing, so never lacked courage, mind you saying that from all my experiences , yes with women, that after being turned down,, im not a virgin, as in my younger days sleeped with many, (as you do in younger days) . After my drink problem I turned to Christianality, born again, and go to a church with many hundred women of all ages, and then I thought great , relationship time, but again, was turned down I think about last count 7 times in 10 years,, so phewww ,, I really don't know, I know a lot of Christians say trust God now, I do, but in 10 years, I waited again, and seen many people married divorced and married again, its a lonely life, both my parents dead, (looked after my mum last year of her life) so tbh I really don't know , ive always said I wont give up, but after nearly 4 decades,, maybe sorry about the negative post, like the last writer, any encouragement will be greatly received , thanks
Hi all.
Well I just joined to add a comment and hope that you all can give me some direction. Never commented on anything like this before.
I am 47 and a virgin. I'm tall, I guess average looking and actually a decent person.
I'm terrified of women. I've had one girl friend who was amazing, should have married her. I was 18 then. Never had sex with her because I didn't want to pressure her. I was also raised with dysfunctional ideas about sex being shameful, ugly and sinful. Been out on dates in my 40's, I have to say most of the women were insane.
I've been obese most of my life but lost 130lbs 2 years ago and kept if off.
So I'm mentally like an 18 year old but not stupid or irresponsible. I came from an extremely abusive home. Parents really ripped my guts out.
So it's like everything is fresh and new to me. But also a nightmare in a way.
Suddenly waking up to such loss from 18 to 47, no contact with women.
Yep its been a horrific life folks. I've been to tons of counselors to fix all the damage my parents did to me, thankfully no sexual abuse.
Seems to me women want someone who is more sexual experienced than them. Is that true?
So I guess my questions are, is there hope for someone like me to find a woman who will love me?
I hope to hear some great comments, please exclude any smart assed remarks which are not helpful.
Thank you
I am on the verge of hitting 40 never dated never or had a girlfriend not a virgin though. I definitely don't feel normal. I had a window of opportunity in my 20s and believe me it wasn't for a lack of trying. But I never attracted anyone I was interested. I have gained weight now and at this point I've given up. On a positive note I make good money and own my own my home. I get depressed when I think about it so I focus on things I can change. Although I hate not having someone in my life I would hate to be with someone I didn't want to be with. Life can be a real bitch.
Do I know you? I feel like I am the friend you write about. I am 48 years old. I, obviously, never had a girlfriend and I am, obviously, a virgin. When I read this I thought it was about me but I don't have any female friends so your "platonic male friend" cannot be me!!! I am certain the percentage of virgins who are male and 45 and over are in the lower single digit percentile in this country and perhaps infinitesimal in an honest international survey.
Im 30 and have never had a girlfriend I didnt think I would get to this age and nothing happen but there you go, in my teens I thought it may happen in my twenties but it never did. I seem to bring out the worst in women meaning in cryptic and negative comments, my sister doesn't help either with her strange personality, it puts me off women even more, im in UK too and women are forward and they behave like bullies and its put me off them, yet at the same time I can't bring myself to go with a foreign woman, ive never had the chance but even if I did id be cautious because of cultural differences and her family etc.
Hi 2 all! I have 40 but 95% of male and female think that i have arround 25. I have above average penis size (7inch), nice face but i have humpback which i can still hide, i am short and slim. I was read many books about sex, dating... etc. Have many female friends which are result of unsucessfull flirt. and my financial status not allow me to lose my virginity with some lamy of night. I am so desperate, can someone give me smart advice, plz hlp me!
I can understand trying to help a friend. But if its not an issue with him then it shouldnt be any of your concern. Many guys dont care about sex and woman the way its stereotyped that guys do, I know I dont care that much. Of course if it does bother him then I understand asking the question.
I was a virgin until I was 21, went all through HS and most of college never even kissing a girl, so I was really a true virgin, never experiencing any kind of intimacy. Not easy to do when all you hear about at those ages is "they hooked up this past weekend!" "oh wow so he fucked her already?" and other silly teenage stuff. The pressure is on to get it on, esp at that age.
I have had relationships and slept with some woman, probably 4-5 in my life. I am 31, I wouldnt care at all if I never had sex again in my life. I dont view it as a necessity in the same way food, water, and shelter are. Some people view it like that though. There also isnt anything wrong with me. I am in shape, fairly good looking and "average" equipped.
I just dont really care about sex or women that much. I am not gay either. Its just not something I care that much about.
Bull shit
They don't try to get girls or there going for the super hot ones so I tell your friend
If your not going to get a gf fuck off