A friend who i just feel mightnt be on my side

78% Normal
12 Comments

I dunno if I'm crazy or not but I just feel sometimes like my friend is trying to put me down just subtly though as if he'll take any dig at me he knows socially he can get away with?? See I feel like I could be making it up but I just want to make sure I can establish a boundary if I feel he's really toeing the line, last night a girl rejected me and he kept making jokes about it afterwards in front of our whole group, I laughed along a little bit because I didnt feel the rejection was a big deal I could laugh it off but then he made his third joke and I was kinda like okay.. is he being an asshole now or what because I don't like this anymore, it just feels as though he isn't trustworthy but unfortunately I'm living with him for the year

Voting Results
78% Normal
Based on 9 votes (7 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 12 )
  • Boojum
    3 years ago

    Based on that one incident in isolation, he doesn't sound like a real friend to me.

    It's not unusual for friends to make fun of each other's failures when they're in private, but real friends try to avoid crossing the line into being obnoxious dickheads even when they're together alone. What a real friend will never do is humiliate you just to get a laugh from an audience.

    What you should do about this is difficult to know. If you tell him that you didn't appreciate what he did and he makes the classic asshat move and deflects back to you by saying that you can't take a joke and you need to lighten up, then you'll know he isn't a friend; he's just a jerk you're stuck with for a year. If he apologises and says that he won't do it again, then maybe what happened last night was just a misjudgement, and he's not actually all that bad.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
  • litelander8
    3 years ago

    My friends and I are pretty crude with one another. Just tell him honestly, you didn’t appreciate the run on of it all. If you don’t tell him it bothered you, he’ll keep doing it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Tommythecaty
    3 years ago

    Call him on it in front of people when he does it, he’ll be completely off guard and you’ll get a pretty clear answer from the reaction.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Sounds like you got yourself a frenemy there.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • my_life_my_way
    3 years ago

    Everyone is out for themselves and sometimes putting a friend down can make you look better. Stay friends with him but just do the same back

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • bigbudchonga
    3 years ago

    He's ripping on you, dude. It's what guys do, but there's a line between joking and being a dick. If he's doing it too much or over things that are too close to the bone then rip him back hard and he'll back off.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • bbrown95
    3 years ago

    It sounds like insecurity on his part to me. It is extremely common for people to try to draw attention to negative things about others (or what they perceive as negative), especially in front of other people, as a way to make themselves feel better.

    If this is a common thing for him, I would just distance myself from him if I were you. I've been around enough people like that that I just don't have the patience for it anymore and it gets very old very quickly, and yes, they are usually rooting for you to fail because that's easier than them bringing themselves up to your level.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      So I live with him in an apartment and I cant get away from him because I like the rest of the lads in my room, hes always there when we hang out. Should I confront him and if so in what way, I dont want to blow it up too much and start a big drama but I refuse to take him being disrespectful he seems immature at times but I think if I speak to him the right way we could reach an understanding

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • bbrown95
        3 years ago

        I find that the best way to deal with these people if you can't avoid them is to agree with them whenever they try to make you feel bad. It completely throws them off and if they realize they're not going to get the reaction they were hoping for, they usually quit.

        If you confront him about it, even in a civil manner, he is likely going to become extremely defensive, as insecure people do. He'll likely deny it as well. Also, if he knows what he does bothers you, he will know that what he is doing is getting him the results he wanted, which was to bother you.

        To me, it's best to just keep your interactions with those people as short as possible and if they try to dig at you, act as if it doesn't bother you at all.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          3 years ago

          I kinda tried a passive approach with another person before who eventually became a bully I couldn't handle, I'm much more sure of myself nowadays and I can recognize the same situation potentially occurring again I want to nip it in the bud but so far I've been friendly to him in spite of it all and this he seems to have taken as permission to continue, I might just try and straight up do the same passive aggressive bs he throws at me right back and get cold with him simply dont have to time to deal with someone who drains my energy, another option I was considering was telling him hes pissing me off and then if after that conversation he continues to act that way straight up tell him if he does it again I'll knock his teeth out. I'm not cool with going through the experience of being subtlety bullied again it ruined a year or so of my life, it kinda feels like this is a test to see if I can handle this situation and I want to make the right move but I'm unsure which angle to take

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
            -
          • bbrown95
            3 years ago

            I don't blame you for not wanting to go through that again. I wish you luck!

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • ellnell
    3 years ago

    I think its kinda normal for friends to make harsh jokes about each other but depending on how long you've been friends and how close you are he should know by now if something like that would make you upset and stop it, or just leave it at one joke to like try and lighten the mood and maybe not infront of a whole group of people. You could also just tell your friend that such behaviour is not appreciated and that you would prefer it if he didn't make fun of you like that and if he's a real friend he'll understand that, feel bad and apologize and not repeat it. If he's not a real friend he'll likely make fun of you for that as well and maybe even call you over-sensitive and try to make you feel that your feelings about this aren't valid and if so it's not someone that's worth keeping around and i'd suggest you do the same thing to your friend even and see how much he'd appreciate that, probably not much. On the other hand people deal with things differently but even if he didn't mean any harm, if you guys are so different in the way you communicate it's probably best to avoid each other. You can't get along with everyone.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0