A long-term ex-bf told me to just approach him normally. what does he mean?

5 Comments

An ex-BF of 4 years and I reunited recently after 2 years. We had a few hangouts, and eventually revealed repressed feelings towards each other (we still love each other) when we got drunk. We had sex, and was cuddly even after we were sober.

This got me confused because after that confession, we didn't really talk about getting back together or said our I love you's.

One time after that, he noticed that I got distant. And I did because I didn't know how to approach him. When I told him that, he just told me to do it (approach or treat him) normally. He didn't explain further what he meant (cuz he's that type of guy). But again, I am confused.

At the same time, I wanted to ask but I don't want to come off as too forward. So here I am asking anyone here who might have any idea about this, and enlighten me.

Thank you!

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Comments ( 5 )
  • kikilizzo
    1 year ago

    Distance yourself. An ex is an ex for a reason. It's normal to have repressed feelings for exes, someone you once loved and have lots of history with it's near impossible not to have repressed feelings towards. It doesn't hurt to be amicable with an ex, but the main reason exes come back randomly is because they feel lonely and often after being rejected by somebody else so they need validation and they know you are the person who will provide it. Either you're cool with that for whatever reason instead of moving on with your life, or you cut ties. If you want a new relationship sometime being friends with your ex is a death sentence. Most people do not accept that and for good reason. In many cases when cheating happens the cheating partner is sleeping with his or her ex.

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  • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore
    1 year ago

    From what I can tell, maybe he means approach him without any of this nervousness or distance?

    Do you really want to get back together with him? I think that's a conversation you need to have with him, it shouldn't just be all on your side to initiate starting the relationship again. I don't want you to get stuck in a situation where your ex is taking advantage of you for sex. I don't really know what kind of guy he is like, but a lot of ex couples who still sleep with each other fall into that pattern: one partner thinks they are going to get back together when that's not going to happen.

    Just make sure this is something you want.

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  • SkullsNRoses
    1 year ago

    From the sounds of it he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend again, if he did he would have asked. I agree with the other comments that he is likely hoping you two will have a friends with benefits arrangement, which, if you’re in love with him, I really wouldn’t recommend you do.

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  • darefu
    1 year ago

    If you don't normally have FWB or FB type relationships, then you might find treating or approaching him normally awkward. If you are the type that sex comes with feelings then you're going to have problems with this.

    If that's the case I would say you need to cut the connection now or you are setting yourself up to get hurt.

    He seems content to say let's just treat each other like normal friends, if we are horny, we can satisfy each other's needs, but when we are done we are still just friends. If you have or want other relationships that's fine. We are just friends.

    If this doesn't work for you cut the ties now.

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    1 year ago

    He means just that. To approach him normally. I dont think there was any nuance to it.

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