Agnostic with religious parents. advice?

I think you should wait until you are a fully functioning member of society who needs no support from them, aside from emotional support. Look for friends that share your values to lean on for emotional support. It will provide you with a stronger foundation for going against their beliefs. They love you and want what is best for you. So show them you are a solid individual before challenging their beliefs.

My husband had to wrestle with this for years. His father is a Pastor and he was originally on track to become what his father wanted, a youth pastor for the local church. (And for those who know anything about my husband this comes as a shock and is really quite comical.) He is well read in many religions and uses that knowledge to debate his conservative family members. He didn't want to disrespect his father, or embarrass him in his community so he kept his beliefs quiet. It probably took him 10 years to make him understand without making it a confrontation. But his situation was fueled by the fact that his father's health is failing and is not long for this world.

I know it makes life difficult to hide a piece of yourself, but what will being open about it with your family bring you?

Good luck.

Yea, I'd say wait until you are completely independent of them financially to tell them. That way, if they react like complete cunts and try and cut you off or punish you because you don't believe in their God, you're safe. It's not really a big deal at the moment, and it'll cause less trouble to tell them once your self-sufficient. Just grin and bare it for now, don't make life hard for yourself.

Also, welcome to the free world.

Is there a way to distance yourself from the church and religion without distancing yourself from your parents? You don't have to tell them how dramatically your beliefs have changed or proclaim your agnosticism (or atheism, if that's where you are now) to get a reprieve from constant trips to church. You know your parents better than we do, but might it be possible to sit them down and explain that you feel a disconnect with the trappings of organized religion? It wouldn't be a lie, but it wouldn't be the full and potentially explosive truth.

If you don't feel that would work, then I think you're right to keep silent even though you may not like hiding your change of heart. There's a lot to be said for keeping peace in the house.

I really do not understand this. Why do you need to tell them your agnostic? Honestly you act like you are coming out of the closet.

I have a similar situation, and I decided not to "announce" it, but I don't lie either. I think of the fundamental things my family believe that I think are good and bad and just don't give my input when it comes to what i think about God himself. See I figure there is some "higher being" of some sort, but I no longer think he's as controlling of our lives as I used to, as my family still does, etc. But I can still admire the good points of my family's religion, like giving, treating others with respect, etc. Sure I have met very few people who practice said religion who do not practice what they preach, but I feel that by emphasizing the good points in a logical and empathetic way is a good way to avoid conflict and also encourage them to pursue those aspects more. And if I don't agree with a particular negative view they have, chances are that negative view isn't "set in stone" in their religious books and philosophies either. Most religions I've studied a decent bit (which we many as I was trying to find the "truth" when I started to have "doubt") seem to me to be mostly about love and respect and responsibility, when you get right down to it. There's a bunch of hooplah that gets pushed in there too but if you just focus on the parts of the religion that you hopefully can still agree with, that's good enough I think.

My cousin denounced the family's religion and he HAS been disowned. He was EVERYONE'S favorite before, too. Always was faithful, did well in school, never "back talked" etc. But as soon as he decided to be his own person and spoke his mind, he was out.

In his situation I think he was better off, they all put soooooo much pressure on him and were so controlling of his life that if he hadn't stood up for himself he would have never been able to be himself with anyone ever. But the rest of the "kids" (we are all grown up now) and much more open minded than the "adults" and were never controlled as much as him, so we are able to be there for him and be his familial support.

So if you can, try to keep the peace while being honest with yourself, even if it gradually becomes understood that you aren't real religious anymore anyway. I still go to church with my family for the major holiday events, and I don't lie and say I go to church the rest of the time. I tell them that I find it easier to talk to God when I'm by myself and have trouble with the negativity of some people at church. And I do pursue my own spiritual life of sorts, so that's not a lie. And you'd be hard pressed to find anyone in any church or similar organization who doesn't feel that there are those less pious and more offensive than them, so they can't really disagree with that either.

Anyway, good luck.

Just lie to them til they die. What is it gonna hurt?