Already know this one's weird, just gettin' it out
But when I was a young child I was viciously abused both at home and at school, and we lived pretty much down and out. One room apartment in a drunken slum, cockroaches, you name it. For awhile both a literal dead end road and a set of train tracks were involved in my situation-- it don't GET no more on the nose than that. I won't go into the TYPES of things that went on, suffice to say that I grew into a lost cause in all areas. Anyway, there was an animated show I used to watch, Bump In The Night it was called. There was a character on there called Molly Coddle, and her whole thing was to go around comforting and cheering everybody up-- even while the world around her was every bit as twisted and disgusting as mine. She was also a stiched together rag doll of all different parts that didn't match-- so you know THAT spoke to me. Needless to say, seven to eight year old me was as "in love" as a seven to eight year old CAN be, and maybe a little MORE given the nature of some of that abuse-- but it's still all very clean and innocent. She's basically a surrogate mother/older sister figure. Shit happens, decades pass, I'm somehow still alive. I always remember that the show EXISTED, but almost NOTHING else about it. Now in my thirties I find myself with a small pittence, internet access, and a whole lot of nothing else worth doing, so I start huntin' down some of my old favorites, that show included. Well, now shit HAS gotten weird. Not only did my old crush IMMEDIATELY reignite the first moment she stepped on screen before I even fully REMEMBERED anything-- but now it's edging on NOT so innocent. I kind of have fantasies of her using her sweet and gentle nature as a front to be kind of a passively Dom-ish brat to me. For instance one would be her-- and apologies in advance for the image-- kind of dancing and swinging around my boner like a pole-- not EXACTLY going stripper on it, but clearly having fun "around" it, kind of humming and singing to herself. I can demand she either do things to it or leave it alone, I start to get annoyed and pissed off-- but she just giggles and happily tells me to relax-- if she DECIDES she's going to do anything to me it will be at her own slow pace that I don't have any say in, because she always knows exactly what to do when people are upset, after all. If I try to catch her she just dances easily between my hands like it's a fun little game. If I ever DID, she'd just smile sweetly. "Alright, so you caught me. Now what's your plan...?" I make it very obvious that I intend to either beat the shit out of her or get pervy, and she just gives an indulgent little eyeroll and excepts it. Nothing I do can actually ever heart her after all, she's just a stuffed doll. She even offers to PRETEND to be afraid of me if it will make me feel better, and puts on a big, obviously fake show: "Ohh NOOO, PLEEEASE don't HURT me Mister Giant! Hehehehehehe! *ahem* Sorry, didn't mean to laugh! No, no! You're really VERY frightening, um... Sir? Here, let me start again..." And when I finally DO manage to actually get to that certain point, she's reassuring me that I did a VERY good job, and that as soon as she's out of the washing machine she's gonna bring this big strong man some milk and cookies for working so hard. You get the idea, and yes, it most likely IS EXTREMELY weird-- but it's my life and I know how I got here, it all makes sense to ME at least, even if I'm the ONLY one. I don't really know what the point of this post is. Guess I just felt like airin' out a little or somethin'.