Am i bipolar or what?
I have realized I likely have a form of bipolarity. It started being pointed out to me when I was 23 and it became real obvious. I stay mindful about it now. I am never fully manic but I experience elevated moods where I am starting a bunch of projects and being very social which has never been normal for me and I get obsessed with things then I just abandon them because I stop caring. My lows are more frequent. I think during my lows (its still hard to tell the highs from the lows for me) I isolate and feel super easily irritated and can explode over the tiniest things(I internalize my anger but still) and shut off from the world and I want do nothing and I derive pleasure out of nothing. My family has for 2 years wanted to put me on mood stabilizers but I refuse medication.
I am dating now after a long break from dating. I am not attracted to him and a month into dating I told him I dont like it when he touches me.
He apologized and told me he'll give me time because hes in love with me and I felt bad so I said fine we'll give it more time then...
A month later nothing has changed but hes the first person ive met my whole life whos put up with me.
Hes nice but he tried to trick me to a family gathering DURING our third date... so hes a bit clingy. He claimed due to his inexperience that he wasnt aware that you arent supposed to act like that.
He asks me personal shit and I dont like sharing private things with people or show weakness as there is a lot of sociopaths out there. Other times I appreciate being able to talk to him about everything and I open up easily because I crave connection. During my lows I cant stand him. It doesnt really have anything to do with him, everyone pisses me off and I need to be alone.
No one sane would put up with me so hes desperate and hes compassionate. I dont take well to pity. All forms of sympathy is pity in my eyes and for all I know anyone giving it to me is plotting against me by reinforcing weakness and being condescending pricks.
I know there is a lot of secretly evil persons out there and they plot evil things against me for fun. I like him but its very hard to not be annoyed by everything