Am i messed up or what?

First let me state categorically that I am not gay. I love my wife and Jesus. is it normal that I'm in love with my teacher, hate every other human on the planet, fuck my cat, eat my rectal hairs and am afraid of the dark? Sometimes I wear panties and garter belts under my coveralls at the body shop. My wife and I haven't consummated our marriage and I'm still a virgin. Secretly I also fantasize about my cousin and her cats. I hate political correctness and wish people would be more tolerant of conformity.

I can continue sharing my thoughts but I have to go to my second job as a school counselor to pay for my studies in the ministries.

Am I ok? is it normal that I feel this way? Do I need help? Are other people like me?

PS- I have anal leakage and a rectal prolapse since the time I stuffed a jelly jar up my ass. And I hear voices from my ficus that constantly command me to butter bread.

Voting Results
29% Normal
Based on 55 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 24 )
  • shuggy-chan

    too fake did not read

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    • But you must believe or Tinkerbell will die and my cat will ask me for sex more often.

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  • Darkoil

    Well I believe you are a virgin and that's about all I believe.

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    • Really? Ok so now I'm depressed.

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  • handsignals

    A big thanks to all the mods for their hard work :)

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  • sanan22

    the text is really messy with no structure or clarity(an ADD 10 your old kid will write like that). so please write a proper text and ask a concrete question to get better answers.

    are you messed up? no, you're just an average teenager who is desperate for attention

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    • Thank you for showing me the error of my ways. Wanna lick the structure of my shaft?

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  • Crusades

    I believe this post was meant to offend as much people as possible. Which is a nice attempt BUT... You need to be more convincing in order to successfully troll people. This is how i do it, without all the exaggerations. You need to make them think you really mean it. And watch me get all sorts of angry reactions from them. I love to aggravate these frail minded fuckbeans.

    But this post is still funny as fuck! Congratulations, although you're probably one of those turds who don't like me. But, i digress...

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    • Crusades, my little trollie pollie, who are you. Really. I get the feeling you are a branch of a well known user who logs onto this account when they want to be free and troll people without making people angry at their normal account. Hmmmm?? I can be quite the conspiracy theorist sometimes you know...

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      • Crusades

        Don't get your panties wet, shorty.

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        • Keep me waiting in anticipation then ;D

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          • Crusades

            Well...ok then

            *adjusts pants to hide massive boner*

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    • The Jesus part too much?

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      • Crusades

        Jesus was a sexy mofo.

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        • libby.larsen

          You are actually a inanely funny asshole that is socially shallow. I'll bet dumb girls lay you all the time.

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  • green_boogers

    You do sound like the kind of person that would love Jesus. All that other shit sounds a bit exaggerated.

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    • As if people have the time and inclination to make this this shit up.

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      • green_boogers

        *yawn*

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  • charli.m

    That was brilliant.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

    drop everythin and run for office. yallre well qualified

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  • Cuntsiclestick

    I believe that one day humans can carry engines on their backs and run just like cars do. Their legs will morph into wheels and roll up into the sunset. I'm going to make a spoiler out of Velcro and stick it on my ass, then I'll be up up and away on my magical adventure into the sun to feel its beautifully warm sensation. You'll be strapped in the back seat against your will enjoying the scent of fried yogurt. There will be blood and you'll like the way you look...I GUARANTEE IT!

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    • Swell. Now I feel normal.

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      • Cuntsiclestick

        Yep. The rare delicious mixture of fried yogurt and blood was guaranteed to make you sing like a guy in a newly tailored suit. Now then, I must fly off into the raindrops now, for it is raining hard right now and I have a casserole in the oven.

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  • thegypsysailor

    I got bored on about the third line.

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