Am i the jerk for not wanting to be her “bestie”?

7 Comments

I have a friend that I’ve been hanging out with often lately (Both straight women if that’s relevant). Recently she has started calling me bestie, and saying “love you!” when we’re saying goodbye. Both of these things make me really uncomfortable. She’s a sweet person and fun to hang around, but I feel like she’s trying to force it because that’s what she wants for herself. Also, I don’t do casual “I love you”s. I will show you I care through my actions, and maybe on special occasions say it, but not randomly for no reason. Every time she says it there’s just an awkward pause that follows and I feel like it hurts her feelings or makes her unsure of our friendship when I don’t say it back.
I’m happy to be her friend, but I’m not enjoying this weird pressure she’s putting on me. I don’t know how to curb her expectations of our friendship without hurting her, but I also don’t want to lead her on in a sense and let her rely on me only to realize her friendly feelings aren’t fully reciprocated

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Comments ( 7 )
  • kikilizzo
    2 years ago

    I find such things annoying too, I find people like that a bit hysterical. Just stay yourself and she'll notice soon enough that you guys aren't on the same page. You could also just let her know that it's not really your thing to show that much affection, if you put it the right way she won't feel hurt. Like say you like her and think she's a great friend but that the two of you seem to have a bit of a different way of expressing your friendship. Either that's fine by her or she distances herself, but you can't always get along with everyone and you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable.

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  • baldboy
    1 year ago

    As someone who's also not so great at showing affection, this is normally how I deal with it: Just be honest with them and tell them how you feel. You don't like being called bestie and I love yous make you uncomforatble. That's okay! I know plenty of people like this and they say those things to EVERYONE! (I don't thing these words should be tossed around like nothing but that's just my opinion) It's not gonna hurt them if you say how you feel. It's just one less person to call bestie.

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  • bigbudchonger
    2 years ago

    Just tell her how you feel, otherwise she may well get upset when you don't say it back.

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  • Iforgotmyuser
    1 year ago

    I don't know if ur aware, but 'bestie' is used quite lightly nowadays. Everyone calls everyone 'bestie'.

    Dk about the ily stuff though.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      I know what you mean, but the context she was using it in wasn’t casual in that sense

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    Just tell her you dont like doing i love yous that its awkward

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  • Ihidabody
    2 years ago

    You're just not affectionate and there really is nothing wrong that.

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