Am i too demanding?

88% Normal
8 Comments

I haven't seen my friend since before Christmas. We were quite close. She counselled me through depression and I helped her stop her marriage falling apart. We live in the same city, within a 20 minute drive from each other. She keeps suggesting places we could go and fun things we could do, and it never happens because she's always too 'busy'. I feel a sinking feeling in my chest now every time she suggests something because I know it'll never happen.

In our WhatsApp messages she calls me 'darling' and 'sweetie' but all her voice messages are words to the effect of 'I can't see you my lovely, I'm too busy.' To the point that every time a voice message comes through from her I already know what it's going to say.

So I said, 'I know, why don't we just video chat then? Let me know when you can.' She no-showed 3 times for the chat before I finally got to talk to her properly.

Am I being unreasonable to feel aggrieved? If I cared less about her, I'd honestly just let the friendship fizzle out. I feel like I have to fight to keep her in my life, and like she keeps me hanging on with her 'darlings' and her 'sweethearts' and her empty suggestions that make me hope.

Voting Results
88% Normal
Based on 8 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • FromTheSouthWeirdMan
    4 years ago

    Sounds like a classic catfish. Have you ever voice chatted with her?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Also, does catfishing apply to platonic friendships?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      We do sometimes, but rarely. We used to work together; I know her in person. She helped me a lot when I was having difficulties, but as soon as everything was fine she just got less and less reliable.

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      • FromTheSouthWeirdMan
        4 years ago

        Have you asked her why she's being so distant

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          I have. She reassures me every time that I am important to her but that she is busy. She teaches (on reduced hours) and she has a husband for whom she cooks and cleans. Her 4 children have all flown the nest and 3 of them live abroad.

          I know that a teacher's life is hard and that the hours are long (I am a teacher too). But what I don't understand is why it's so hard to fit in a 15-minute phone call. She has told me herself that she doesn't have many friends (wonder why...). Or to see me one day, maybe the evening before a quieter day at work, or a Friday night at the pub, or a Saturday or Sunday morning...

          Whenever her husband is there, she seems reticent to have me there at the same time. This, I don't understand. I only seem to see her when he isn't around - when he is overseas on a work trip, which he sometimes is.

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  • DIO
    4 years ago

    Typically the kind of profile that will act like they care just a bit so that you won't go away but will only see you when they actually need something from you. Those people are toxic. Avoid her at all cost.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      She seems to want to be there for me when I have a 'problem' or an 'emergency'. But I don't want an arrangement where we just exchange text messages and aren't really a part of each other's lives until one of us needs 'rescuing'. I want to be a part of her life when there's nothing wrong.

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      • Nikclaire
        4 years ago

        It seems that's how many relationships are these days. Cell phones have ruined interpersonal communication.

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