Are my feelings normal?
Background Information:
I've experienced my dog being put down at the vet because of cancer, my cat being put down as he was very sick, another cat being put down since she had cancer, 4 cats being run over by a car, my aunt dying of breast cancer when I was very young, and today, my cat being put down because of cancer (this paragraph includes deaths only).
Cat History:
My cat that has passed away today died at 15 years and 7 months old around 2:45 PM. He's an orange tabby, and his name is Louie. A few months ago, we took him to the vet, since we believed he had diabetes. He drank water and ate food excessively, and of course whatever he consumed piled up in the litter box to be cleaned by someone unlucky. The vet had pricked his paw, and stuck in something that showed a number. If he had diabetes, the number would read very high. In this case, the number was 32. The lady even double-checked. The doctor told us that he must have a tumor in his pancreas. As he was old and weak, we didn't want to spend thousands of dollars on surgery that he might not even successfully live through. The only choice was to slow the process of him getting thinner and weaker by feeding him a diet full of protein...and so we did. The doctor also told us that when he has had his first seizure, it would be time for us to let go... He lasted around 5-6 months, slowly but steadily getting thinner as time passed. It was just last night that he had his first seizure. When my family and I were all asleep, something must have happened, because in the morning, he was lying in my tub on his side, covered in his own pee and looking weaker than ever. It was a pitiful sight, and I started crying. My parents explained that he had a seizure. I asked to miss part of school (since it was a weekday, after all) to go with my dad to put him down. After all, I've done it many times before, except with more of the family. Turns out that we couldn't fit an appointment in, and so I missed the bus for nothing, and I was instead going to be picked up from school one hour early. (Of course missing part of school is always fun, though, not for this reason.) So, when I was picked up and driving to the vet, I cried all the way there, Louie wrapped in a towel in my arms (yes, he stunk like decay and pee >~<). During the process of euthanasia, I cried, and I cried, and I cried. Once I saw his chest stop moving, I felt so distant and detached.
Feelings:
It's 2 hours after Louie's death, and I feel like I should be bawling my eyes out. That's not the case, though—I feel nearly completely normal, though my head does hurt. I keep reliving the memories I've had with this cat, but I'm not crying. What's the matter with me? With all of the other cats, I'd be devastated and depressed for days. Right now, I just feel numb, like Louie is still alive somewhere in the house, even though I know he's buried outside next to the cat I cried for for 5-6 months. I don't know what I feel, but I'm surely not crying, just really shocked and distant... Is this normal? Am I a sociopath or something? I was sure I'd cry for this cat the most, but instead it's the opposite. I even seem to be regularly wanting to do activities, like hanging out with friends and playing video games. Is there something wrong with me?!?!
(BTW, the picture is from around 6 months ago, about a month before we took him to the vet to find out if he had diabetes. This was about a day before the cat that I cried for for a while was put down, and he's even by the nativity scene.)