Are these red flags in a relationship or am i overreacting?

Most people do still notice other attractive people when in a committed relationship but that’s no reason to be crude about it. Giving you the silent treatment is also very immature behaviour.

The question here isn’t if an anonymous band of internet commenters would want to put up with this behaviour but if YOU do and from the sounds of it the answer is no. You are allowed to have standards.

Most married men do talk about hot girls to their friends.
Its kind of weird because he said it in front of YOU though. And him just ignoring you is kind of bad. Idk if you totally blew up and really did ruin the night or not. But its abit much to leave you stranded.

That's a giant red flag waiting to hit you in the face. Yeah, you guys need to have a conversation about this because its not normal for a someone you're dating to openly tell you that he looks at and is aroused by other women. I get that guys talk about that stuff to each other, but its usually just harmless bantering. This situation however low key sounds like he has cheated or is considering cheating on you. Him leaving after every argument is another red flag, communication is needed after fighting, you shouldn't just ghost your partner whenever you feel that their thoughts are wrong.

I think you need to have a very serious talk with this guy to see were your relationship is at because right now it sounds like its going down hill. Best of luck to you.

That sure as hell looks like a red flag to me! It's better to find out about this stuff sooner than later.

As a female, with my female friends, we talk about hot guys all the time. Sokemare married. I think it's perfectly normal to flirt with others (i.e. a smile, etc) as long as you don't touch. Humans are sexual beings and we were made to flirt.

A bigger red flag for your boyfriend is how he handles conflict. Ignoring a confkict is not normal. It's avoidance. It shows he is immature.

go find someone who only wants to talk about how good you look.

It’s not a red flag at all.

He actually sounds honest and straight forward. The red flag is a guy who always tells you what you want to hear.

I'd be concerned over his immature reaction over a disagreement. If you are being honest in how you portrayed yourself approaching the topic then I'd say it's a red flag that he acted that way in response to your opinion.

That said, I also think it's a red flag that you are pretending that you dont find anybody else in the world attractive while expecting him to be held to the very standard you yourself know is bullshit.

Both of ya'll need to grow up.

The guy is right about men noticing women. I think he's also right that you should accept this. It is the way most of us are wired up.

He's also right about guys talking about women. It's not something I've ever done, but some guys apparently feel a pressing need to emphasise their heterosexuality when they're talking to other guys. You may draw whatever conclusions you choose from that about what's _really_ going on in the deepest, darkest depths of their heads.

However, I think him saying you were 'overreacting' is a red flag in itself; that was him dismissing the validity of your opinion. He has the right to not agree with your opinion, but he should accept and respect that it was your view of what was going on. He should not have suggested that it was of no consequence, and basically imply that you were just being a silly little girl.

A much more mature response to what you said would him trying to understand why exactly you found what him and his friend did so disturbing. If I were him, I'd really want to know because it sounds to me like you could have some highly idealised and unrealistic ideas of how men are and how relationships can be made to work.

Where he runs completely off the rails of rationality and reasonable behaviour is when he stonewalls you. This is the term used for when people shut down discussion about a contentious issue by refusing to talk about it any further. Often it goes on to the stonewaller physically removing themselves from the presence of the other person, and sometimes they refuse any further engagement until the other party approaches them with a grovelling apology.

Do a Google for stonewalling, and you'll probably read stuff that rings a lot of bells when you think about how this guy is when you're not having a disagreement and in the rest of his life, and you might get some insights into what his family background must have been like.

We all learn how to behave in relationships by watching how the significant adults in our lives (usually, our parents) behave with each other when we're kids. My father was a stonewaller, and that's how I responded to disagreements in my first marriage. After that fell apart, I did some serious thinking about how I could have done better, and I learned how to deal with the inevitable conflicts in relationships in a much more positive and healthy way.

Obviously, I have no idea if your guy is capable of making those changes or if he cares enough about you to put in the work necessary. But what I do know is that how he deals with disagreements is neither emotionally mature or positive.

Finally, I have to wonder why you hung around his apartment for six fucking hours. You know he does this shit, and it sounds like you're an adult who's not completely stupid, so what exactly was the point of that? What were you trying to prove to yourself by doing that? What were you trying to prove to him? Were you trying to punish him by occupying his apartment just like he was trying to punish you by leaving you?

It is normal to notice and even to make some light comments; however, they need to be in good taste...

It is just plain rude to be rude and crude. My experience is that rude and crude people in public are rarely better in private; and it does not get better with age unless they are working to improve themselves.

The relationship you describe is not the best nor the worst I have heard of. I suggest that you suggest to him that he would do a lot better in life (better pay, better jobs, etc.) if he learned how to respect people and communicate better. That there are nicer ways to express his interest which would not offend as many. Also that people generally get paid based on their Social Intelligence; and you believe that he could do much better in life.

Its hard to make recommendations without knowing more about him; but here are some books that should help him (and you too).

"Emotional Intelligence" by: Daniel Goleman

"The Art of Dealing with People" by: Les Giblin (this is a pamphlet sized book).

"The Compound Effect" by: Darren Hardy (this is a book about how to become more successful at most anything).

Finally, you are trying to make a relationship work and decide if he is the one. I suggest that you read "The 5 Love Languages" by: Gary Chapman. Normally I suggest that both parties read their own copy (buy 2: 1 for each) with the note that people read books at different rates. Some people read it in a day or two. Others 2-3 weeks. Allow each other to read at their own pace.

Readers become leaders... if they are reading self improvement and books about their field.

I wish you the best with this,