Borderline personality disorder

19 Comments

Has anyone every been involved with someone or are you someone with BPD?

In the not too distance past, I had a marriage end and , after 3 total yrs of being together. And she always said she was bipolar but then a term, that I NOTHING of, came out right at the end. She was diagnosed as Borderline and even turned out she knew it. And I knew nothing about this condition other than being able to relay to you what the experience of it is like... And it was so confusing and head spinning and it had apparently been .. Dormant for a while. When we first met. Very traumatic

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Comments ( 19 )
  • paramore93
    6 years ago

    I had that diagnosis for years and as rayb12 says it is never dormant .. people can go through stages of having very few symptoms and sometimes symptoms only start to show in times of stress ..
    I do understand why she would want to tell people she is bipolar though, as bpd has a lot of stigma attached to it .. still not right to lie to somebody so close to you though ..
    Have to disagree that emotionally healthy people don't get involved with borderlines though, I've had relationships with incredibly stable and 'normal' guys ..

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    • Dalton77
      6 years ago

      So does being aware help you manage ? I am assuming? I just don't understand what a personality disorder is exactly. I can understand more specific type of diagnosis'. But from what I have read and watched in YouTube, it's like it's almost as amorphous as autism. We know the basic general symptoms. But not why and not exactly why it seems to be hard to Cure

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      • paramore93
        6 years ago

        Yeah, it's not easy to understand at all ..
        In the simplest terms personality disorder just means somebody's pattern of thinking and behaviour is different from 'the norm' ..
        Although, if you look around at your friends and family you could probably diagnose any of them with some kind of personality disorder, so only extreme cases get that diagnosis ..
        Symptoms and severity differ with everybody ..
        Most stuff on the internet/films make bpd sufferers out to be insane stalking, manipulating, murdering ect ect but 99.9999% of sufferers are nothing like that ..
        As far as I know there isn't a specific reason for developing bpd but childhood trauma or neglect is pretty common ..
        Treatment can be difficult but I don't consider myself to be borderline in any way nowadays, but people still keep an eye on me so I'd consider it manageable rather than curable ..
        Anything else you wanna know, hmu

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        • fakeaccount2
          6 years ago

          I always wondered with BPD if they truly feel as strongly about a person as they do in the "idealization" phase. do they basically only love someone until that person fails to live up to the ideal, then they are disgusted by them? If so why do they always come back to the person shortly afterward?
          Is it hard for them to see from the perspective of another person? It seems like they are so consumed by their own mental pain that they don't have the capacity to think of how others feel most of the time. is that something they can learn or do they really just not care?

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          • paramore93
            6 years ago

            Can't really help you there, my relationships have always gone pretty well .. never had the idolize/hate thing ..
            But from what I've seen in others is that borderlines really do care and do have the capacity to empathise .. they just feel things more intensely so when something triggers them they overreact and the annoyance or hurt that a 'normal' person would feel is heightened to hate or disgust ..
            They do still love their person but their feelings are so intense that they are temporarily blinded by negativity .. once things have calmed down they should go back to the loving phase ..
            It's pretty complicated and everybody is different but in general this is the simplest way to put it ..

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            • fakeaccount2
              6 years ago

              Damn that's real sad :(
              Thanks for the reply.. is there anything the partner can really do to help someone with BPD? Did you have to get professional help or you worked through it on your own?

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    • rayb12
      6 years ago

      Ya we can agree to disagree. I think there's something fundamentally narcissistic about staying with a borderline, as we have the arrogance to believe we can 'fix' them. And also are staying in this relationship completely unequipped to give the borderline the amount of love they need/deserve IMO. I hope that you are right though as it makes me look better potentially but again, narcissism lol.

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      • rayb12
        6 years ago

        It also is the case with these men who fall for women with BPD, that their NPD or hero complex is much more socially acceptable than some BPD behavior. But I do believe it is a specific type of guy that becomes intoxicated by BPD women and struggles to find that excitement in other relationships, however I could still be wrong.

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  • McBean
    6 years ago

    Not much can be done for BPD. The predisposition for it is usually genetic. I worked for a guy that had it and the experience was total misery. I also had a 3 year relationship with a girl in high school / college that had it. She sort of made me her hero at first. Then about a year later started engaging in "black or white" thinking with emotional outbursts that just weren't logical. She struggled to find excitement. Finally, she started playing dangerous head games. I always felt like she wanted total possession of my soul. I left her. She sometimes pretends to be a boy while she cuts herself with a knife for satisfaction.

    You can read more about it on Wikipedia.

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  • fakeaccount2
    6 years ago

    Not for sure but I suspect a good friend of my has it, most of the symptoms are there. been trying to make a relationship work but it's difficult. You never know if they really care about you or not. It sucks to be on the receiving end of their negative moods but in the end it's like you can't even feel hurt because they are worse off.

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    • rayb12
      6 years ago

      "Can't even feel hurt" the gaslighting has gotten to u brah. Run awayyyyyy

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      • fakeaccount2
        6 years ago

        Man this topic is really interesting and got me worried if I am a narcissist because what you say is really true (I've also read that elsewhere about the tendency for NPD and BPD to "get along").

        i am trying to keep my distance now due to questioning if I'd just been a narcissist to stay in the past, thinking I could help. the "idealization" phase (which just come off as extreme affection to me - to where I could finally believe someone loved me) had always been worth the "devaluation"..but I am starting to lose patience.

        Yet I am not perfect mentally so I have to feel at least a little sympathetic.

        you have some experience with this too eh..?

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        • Zorak
          6 years ago

          I think you may just be a non criminal psychopath or sociopath. Were you the Ted Bundy post troll spammer?? loll

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          • fakeaccount2
            6 years ago

            No lol I only posted 1 thing about columbine and that was like 3 months ago. I don't care to know about any other psychos

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  • Dalton77
    6 years ago

    What I've read is that often the person can just turn and whereas once they had utmost admiration, then can almost invariably turn to disdain.
    She just flipped a switch almost last summer. Began using. Began being dishonest. And just became completely erratic
    I did notice she would consistantly have a new 'best friend'. A new sponsor.

    When she lost her job in May , I don't honestly think she lived another honest say. She I don't think ever had any intention of working again. And I was just plugging holes and bailing water nonstop. She began violating all kinds of appropriate parent-child boundaries with her children. Smoking weed with them. And they had already been in CPS for a few yrs. we got them back before we married and she did ok for a while. But they triggered her guilt I think and she just couldn't hold the path

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  • rayb12
    6 years ago

    Yes. 3 years, damn. BPD is never 'dormant'. It not showing when you first meet is a key element of how it functions.

    There are these articles online, total psuedo-science horseshit, but they were very affirming for me to read after going through a similar experience.

    But the piece you're going to hate me for is emotionally healthy people do not get involved with borderlines. This is ultimately an opportunity to work on yourself if you choose to.

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    • rayb12
      6 years ago

      http://www.sharischreiber.com/anycost.html

      http://www.sharischreiber.com/dance.html

      These are the articles. Good luck mate

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