Boyfriend is muslim and wants me to convert

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I have never met a man with so much talent, knowledge, skills, and wisdom as my current boyfriend.

At the beginning of our relationship, everything was rainbows and butterflies and unicorns (as is with every new relationship) but then things started getting way more serious.
He would start playing Islamic videos and I thought it was cool every now and then to learn about things I had no idea about.

Islam is a beautiful way of lifestyle but I find it very hard to keep up with. Not only has the media taintend it's true Essence (the media does that with everything) but it also requires so much patience, so much dedication, and I lack both.

I moved in with my boyfriend and he proposed and I said yes. Believe me, I've dated quite a lot, both men and women, and I can surely say this man is the one I would lIke to start a family with.

But we have such different views on the world. It's like he's the letter A and I'm the letter Z. Probably because of my addictive ways which he has helped me tone down; he seems to want me despite all my flaws.

Thing is he won't marry someone who doesn't pray. And yes, I'm aware of a higher power that made it all happen, the one and only, God (Allah)

I've tried reading the Qur'an and I'm fascinated by its beauty but it just doesn't hit me like it gets to him.

He knows how to balance things, he knows when to pray, when it's time for some fun, but yet, I can't seem to find that division.

Is it normal that my boyfriend wants me to convert, even if I'm not as spiritual as he is?
I don't want to lose him but I also don't want to waster either of our time.

I'm a 22 yr old girl.
He's 35.

Voting Results

34% Normal

Based on 152 votes (52 yes)

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Comments ( 53 )

reminiscent

9 years ago

A and Z are pretty close on the key board :)

If he truly accepts you for all your flaws then he shouldn't pressure you into a religion.
Also I would think it would be insulting to his religion to convert if you arnt as spiritual or dont fully believe.
Have you tried explaining your feelings to him?

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- usehername28
  
  9 years ago
  
  That's a neat way to see things haha, A and Z being close. Never thought about that, I guess Ive been seeing things in a confined perspective.
  
  I have explained my feelings to him and he's been very understanding. I believe in a higher power but I'm so new to Islam, I can't really call myself a Muslim.
  
  I also think it would be very disrespectful to convert just for him, because in the end it wouldn't be sincere and Islam requires full honesty. I was raised in a Christian family but never really enforced the religion in terms of praying and going to Church, which, in my opinion, is all a scam.
  
  Then again every religion has its thorn, every religion has its good guys and bad guys. The problem with Islam is that the evil people in it seem to be the emphasis instead of noticing those whom follow the lifestyle in a positive manner.
  
  It's very racist and stereotypical to judge all Muslims as terrorists. What about the pedophile popes running the Vatican, what about those criminals who think that by going to Church on Sundays their bad deeds will be erased?
  
  Thank you for your input! Highly appreciated. I think religion could work both for good and for bad, it just depends on how we approach it.
  
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  - reminiscent
    
    9 years ago
    
    Im glade I could be of help to you ^_^
    
    I have met plenty of Muslims who were good people. ..one came to my college to talk about coming to America...it was amazing... she gave me some coins from her country tho I cannot remember the name now.
    
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ines123

9 years ago

I don't understand why people have this fucked up idea about Islam treats women in the worst way,,where did u even get that idea from?,Islam is all about giving the women respect actually.

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- Ellenna
  
  9 years ago
  
  Actually I got that idea from the real world.
  
  Respect women? Oh yeah,that's why they keep them covered up or locked up in the home so they won't "tempt" men? That's why they're not allowed to drive a car in some Muslim countries?
  
  Seen any female imams lately?
  
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  - ines123
    
    9 years ago
    
    Please don't say stuff you know only a few about , what you're saying is the common image .
    Muslim keeps women covered cuz of how precious women in Islam are and hijab is an option , you can be muslim without wearing it.
    Besides muslim women study , work , go out ... etc
    and all of that depents on her family and how well educated they are.
    
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    - Ellenna
      
      9 years ago
      
      Not long ago a muslim cleric in Australia preached that women who don't cover up are "pieces of meat" and deserve what they get from men.
      
      The philosophy behind the hijab and the burqua is not only that otherwise women will tempt men other than the men who own them, but also that men aren't capable of resisting that temptation. This is an insult to both genders and belongs back in whatever ancient time is was founded.
      
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- Morgan_Freeman
  
  9 years ago
  
  Bullshit!
  
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  - ines123
    
    9 years ago
    
    I'm Muslim u idiot,and there's no such thing about what u said.try to troll harder.
    
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MenschMaschine

9 years ago

Sod that, if he's got real respect for you he wouldn't be expecting you to change faiths/believe in something new just to please him.

My GF is turning pretty Chritian lately and tries to get me interested. Ive told her its not going to happen and she accepts this fully. So should your BF.

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GiveMeAFuckingNameAlready!

9 years ago

Just my opinion, but it sounds like your being groomed by an older man.

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TheDudeAbides

9 years ago

Fellow muslim guy here. What kind of islamic videos did you watch? Were they just songs or sermons or prayer calls?

He wants you to convert because that is what he has been taught, he knows no other way. Islam is a beautiful religion, you are right, but one needn't be forced into it. With all his wisdom and knowledge, where is his patience and understanding in you converting to Islam? You are so terribly young. The fact that he knows when to have fun and be serious is because he is 35! Goodness. By that time most people have impeccable discipline. Dont compare yourself to him. You find him perfect because he has almost double your life experience. And is his requirement for marriage just praying? Being a muslim isnt about just praying, it is a lot of other passive acts and ways of thinking. I know a bunch of muslim guys who pray 5 times a day but arent really muslim beyond that. I'm not talking about being an extremist, but I am of the belief that praying 5 times a day doesnt make anyone a muslim. It is more so a belief and outlook of life.

I dated a girl who was mildly Christian and she felt the same about me as you do with him. She was actually 2 years older than me. Except in my case I gave her complete freedom. I educated her about my religion but never requested her to do anything. I would find it insulting if someone chose to follow my faith just because of me. I wanted her to find that spiritual connection by her own self, with me as a guide. If she did. Great! If she didnt, well then we might need to discuss how our kids would be raised. She even wanted to fast along with me during fasting season willingly and I thought that was very sweet. But not required. I wanted a woman who didnt follow me blindly but had her own choice and opinion. We broke up but it wasnt because of different religion.

I will tell you the same thing my dad told me when I asked his opinion on dating someone from a different faith: "All it takes is a lot of understanding and patience, of the other person's background, beliefs, and practices. Which means you will have to try harder and make more compromises"

So far I see him giving you an ultimatum. I can understand if someone cant marry a person unless they pray, but what is he doing in return? What if you just changed your belief to Islam yet never prayed? Would that be a compromise to him? From the little you have told me about him he sounds one-dimensional. And you dont want to marry someone where it will always be one-way street, trust me.

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- usehername28
  
  9 years ago
  
  Salam :)
  
  Thank you for the wonderful response. I am thankful for all the other responses as well but you really answered profoundly and in a respectful manner, which is kind of odd these days on the internet.
  
  Let me tell you a little about myself first so you understand the situation a little better.
  
  I'm a latina girl, from The Caribbean. I was raised in a family that never pushed me to follow their religion but instead encouraged me to find my own. I've always been God-aware yet I never really knew how to approach such vast energy.
  
  I met my boyfriend a day after I discovered that people are evil creatures. The people I thought were my friends, turned out to be everything but, and betrayed me in ways that to this day I still can't believe it. However, when I met my boyfriend, I was well aware that one must be extremely careful with whom they interact and what information is exchanged or shared.
  
  It was just a simple look in his eyes and I knew that finally, after all the demons that I had blindely been interacting with, an angel was sent my way.
  
  So we strarted dating and in a couple of days I knew more about him and his lifestyle. He's very responsible, organized, clean (hygiene), he's hilarious, but can be very serious; he's got the softest side I have ever seen in a human being, and no matter how mad or angry he gets due to stress from work and life in general, he always knows how to control his emotions.
  
  Whereas I have lived a life full of ups and downs due to bad decisions which eventually led me to take medications to ease my mind because I was losing it.
  
  Then I did my research about Islam once he showed me that it's extremely important for him, it's basically the principles to being a decent human being.
  
  Let me tell you something. The Internet is the worst place to find information about Islam. Not only has the media managed to make everyone believe that Muslims are terrorists, but they also speak ill of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh); accusing him from rape to violence, when all he did was teach respect and love. But I didn't know the media was this messed up, so I got extremely angry at all the morbid things that were on the computer screen, which led me to a huge fight with my boyfriend because I believed he was only showing me the rose, and hiding the thorns.
  
  So he gave me books, even those written from a Chistian perspective, explaining what Islam truly is and I was amazed at how different it all was now. We tend to forget that every religion has its flaws; extremists and what not. It is constantly said that the Qur'an should be approached with caution because some people might twist its meaning and get a whole different message out of it. My boyfriend told me that one of the darkest magic is by reading the Qur'an backwards, so there's that.
  
  Now that I have a better understanding of what Islam truly is, I can make my decision on whether it's good or bad; it's great.
  
  Islam encourages you to be your best version, by being tidy and clean, connecting with your Creator at certain times, constantly rememembering that this Dunya is just a test, and that people come and go, therefore family is very important. Islam reminds you that the Devil exists, and he whispers in your ears. That Jinns and animals have been on this Earth way before us. That animals are extremely religious too, that eating Halal is a beautiful way to show respect and appreciation towards life and how it goes through death to be our supplier of nutrients.
  
  My boyfriend is a man of his words, and he is such a respectful genthe man. He provides me shelter, food, love, friendship, a shoulder to rely on, warmth, and comfort. All he's asking me to do is be part of his religion because that means being part of his life.
  It sounds easy, but it's not, specially when Im just recently learning all of this.
  
  But yes, he has made tons of commitments for me, and I am extemely thankful for all he's done. I know in my heart and soul that I am a creation of the Creator. I have prayed a couple of times, both on my own and at mosques. It feels amazing when I forget about the world and talk to Allah, and I know that from my intentions I mean no harm, but I can't call myself a Muslim just yet simply because I believe. It's way more than that. My boyfriend is always doing something regarding Islam, so I'd say he's trying very hard to please Allah, he's very committed.
  
  I'm deeply sorry that Islam is portrayed the way it is. Even if I don't convert, I will still write a book about my views on it and how precious it is to be impacted by a religion that most believe to be rotten. I'm not muslim, but that doesn't mean I don't believe.
  
  Thank you once again for the awesome reply :)
  
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- wistfulmaiden
  
  9 years ago
  
  so...you agree with me I see. lol.
  
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  - TheDudeAbides2
    
    9 years ago
    
    It saddens me to see you think I agree with you.
    
    You think this girl's relationship is a horrible idea and condemn islam straight up. I on the other hand have asked questions about the guy to know more about the situation. BUT if I needed to answer based on the insufficient info given, I raised red flags. How many times do OPs equally reveal both sides of the story?
    
    So yes, we are similar in suggesting it may not be a good idea. But with far different intensities, and we definitely do not agree with each other. I hope you can see the difference because it is pretty critical.
    
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    - wistfulmaiden
      
      9 years ago
      
      I only meant on this issue; that a person should not be coerced or pushed into changing their religion.
      I don't like Islam much but I don't like any official religions if it makes you feel any better, I was raised Catholic and Im still not over that mess.
      I don't need any organization telling me how to find God, men made all religions but God doesn't need to be confined :)
      
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      - TheDudeAbides3
        
        9 years ago
        
        I completely agree with your first paragraph. But I dont know if I understand your last one correctly. Do you mean to say you believe in a God but not in any religion? I think I may have read a name somewhere describing such a belief.
        
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        wistfulmaiden
        
        9 years ago
        
        I believe in God but not in any established churches. I think people should do the decent thing regardless of beliefs but some people seem to need the 'threat" of religion to keep them from being bad.
        
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DesertRat

9 years ago

If it is was in your heart to convert to Muslim before you met him? Then I'd say yes. If you have read their doctrines and understand them and have a desire to convert because of your beliefs? Then I'd say yes. If you do it out of love for him, but you don't believe? Then I'd say no. Read the doctrines and scriptures. Understand them, as most religions typically share the same story. Then you won't need to ask this question. :)

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Holzman_67

9 years ago

part of love is accepting your significant other's differences.

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LifeTheRide

9 years ago

Try finding a way for you both to practice your faiths. Like on one day practice Islam and another, Christianity. Read the Bible and Quran together. Share.

Tell him there's no need for you to convert (if it's not expected from him too).

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omar123

9 years ago

For muslims like me, religon and beliefs is something very important and we consider it in our partners, i dont know about your culture but this is the way we are here, and we " prefer "our partners to be muslims too, but quran tells us that we can also marry christian or jewish girls, we only prefer that because it will make thing a lot easier, however, in your situation, you shouldnt be a muslim because of him, you should only become a muslim because you want to and you think its the right religion and not any other reason, you wont even become a muslim then, you said that you read quran and you liked islam and thats great !!! That means you have the right image about islam not the false one, you said that islam needs patience and commitment and thays right, but its not easy to be a good person right ???Islam has a lot of commitment but i challenge you to find a thing islam wanted people to do and its not a right thing or its not gonna make your life better, so you should choose your beliefs on what your heart feels its right, i know its very difficult to change the beliefs you were raised on but you should try to know whats right .
My advice to you is to ask your bf to teach you more about islam, go with him to mosque or any islamic institution, educate yourself then decide whats right for you, and may allah guide you to the right way.

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wistfulmaiden

9 years ago

Dump him.
"Islam" means "submission" so unless you want to be treated like a doormat cavewoman find someone else. Theres lots of charming, lovely smart cute guys who don't believe in subjugating women and forcing their beliefs on others.

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- TheDudeAbides
  
  9 years ago
  
  Newsflash, every "religion" means "submission."
  
  And subjugating women? It is high time you got some self-acquired knowledge than have ignorant and narrow-minded views that were spoonfed to you by the media. Tell me what is the difference between you and extremists like ISIS if you are both incapable of comprehending something your own self and instead base your belief on what you are spoonfed by another medium?
  
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  - wistfulmaiden
    
    9 years ago
    
    I dont blow people up mon ami. ISIS are murderers, no?
    
    I know a few muslims who don't treat their wives very well. I know a lot of other people do the same but it actually says in your books its good to beat women and make them sleep alone if they don't listen.
    If Islam makes you happy great but I don't think this girl should get into a culture so vastly different from her own, it would be a nasty shock.
    
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    - TheDudeAbides2
      
      9 years ago
      
      You wouldnt blow up or murder anyone, for sure. But that is not the point I wanted to make. I was speaking from the perspective of similar mentalities, and not actions. Though I guess there's no easy to way put across that point of view.
      
      Where in the book does it say women should be beaten and suppressed, let alone that it is GOOD? Did you actually read that or are you once again going off of an "interpretation" that you read on a website dedicated to hating Islam or on TV?
      
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      - wistfulmaiden
        
        9 years ago
        
        Read it in the Koran itself, sorry I cant quote you a chapter or anything...but I know it was in there. The Old Testament says various things like that too like stone disobedient children and put women in the doghouse when they have their period, really dumb stuff that has no place in modern life.
        I just don't like the idea of old books or ancient conquerors dictation things in modern life, those books were written in and for the specific times and cultures they were in. I don't agree with the Old Testament any more than the Koran cause both include visions of an angry god who says genocide and slavery is fine.
        Sorry if that offends you but that's the way I look at it.
        
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        TheDudeAbides3
        
        9 years ago
        
        It doesnt offend me. I am strongly opinionated and assertive by nature so it may seem like I am mad but I am not.
        
        You are right. I simply wanted to test your source of knowledge to assess your credibility. The Quran does say to first advise disobedient women, then, forsake them in bed and as a last resort, strike them.
        
        About the "sleeping alone" part, if you think about it, it is so common. But the other way around. Where if a wife is mad at a husband she makes HIM sleep alone. Or maybe I watch too much TV.
        
        About hitting, I have never hit a woman and I have faith in myself that I never will, maybe even be reluctant if it was the only option I had left. I have the gift of language which has not failed me yet. But I dont see anything terribly wrong with hitting a person as the absolute LAST RESORT. But many men see this as a free pass to hit women. It should only be used as a last-resort deterrent for disrespect. And I respect all women around me, not just the one I am dating. At times I have been out of my mind and wish someone was there to slap me to bring me into my senses. Which is why I guess I dont see anything infernally wrong with that. *shrugs*
        
        The following comes from the same chapter where it says to advise, forsake, strike women.
        
        “O you who believe! You are prohibited to inherit women against their will; and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sex; and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.”
        (Aayah No. 4, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4, Holy Qur’an)"
        
        Feel free to dismiss all religions. I respect your decision in doing so. But do it based on accurate facts. If you told me "OMG Islam sux! Praying 5 times a day? Fasting for a month? Ain't nobody got time for that." I would actually chuckle and agree with you!
        
        And if tomorrow some closed-minded Islam extremist comes across you. At least you will have better knowledge to stand your ground and defend your personal beliefs :)
        
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RoseIsabella

9 years ago

Forget about it.

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megadriver

9 years ago

Dump the guy! Not the first time I've seen stuff like this go down! I will give you an example:
Very close friend of mine went down that road. Her parents, my parents - we were very close, like a big family. She had an older muslim boyfriend and even converted. He made her sit at home wearing a scarf on her damn head and do all his chores. She left her parents to run off with that scumbag. She wasted 4 years of her life sitting at home, serving her boyfriend. Her parents developed health issues over what she did! 2 years - no contact with their daughter! The guy managed to destroy her social life. Thank God she got rid of the guy and converted to her previous religion and moved on.
I got other examples, but this is the most severe one.

Chances are, if you convert, you will be his human servant. That's saying, not all muslims are like that, but I've seen a lot that are!
So, better part ways. If he can't accept you and love you for what you are, then you need a better boyfriend.

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handsignals

9 years ago

Enjoy having your tits cut off, your clit cut off, your Vagina sewn up, having a rapist and pedophile for a husband, not being aloud to go out without a male escort and best of all when you get raped your the one that will go to prison.

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- ines123
  
  9 years ago
  
  Stop making imaginary bullshit,there's no such shit of any of what u said.
  
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  - Ellenna
    
    9 years ago
    
    Apart from the bit about cutting off tits, s/he is right you know, but it's not only muslims who sexually mutilate women: I read recently that the country with the highest rate of female genital mutilation is Ethiopia, which is mainly christian.
    
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orinoco

9 years ago

Dump him, for God's sake! This is very serious.

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- usehername28
  
  9 years ago
  
  People can't be dumped unless it's their lifeless body. Garbage is dumped.
  
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  - orinoco
    
    9 years ago
    
    I think you know very well what the expression means. We don't need preachers here.
    
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Morgan_Freeman

9 years ago

Muslims treat their women like shit, do not do it. why would you want to marry someone who fucks goats anyway? and dont give me that shit about muslims being peaceful because ive seen them do things that would make satan himself cringe.

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- usehername28
  
  9 years ago
  
  I think it's very disrespectful that you think that way. Not everyone is the same. And sure a lot of Muslims have done ill deeds but tell me a religion in which absolutely everyone follows it peacefully. Please enlighten me.
  
  Not everything you read or watch is true.
  
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  - Morgan_Freeman
    
    9 years ago
    
    Well, ive seen it with my eyes so I am pretty sure I would know.
    
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SheWolfie45

8 years ago

I can assure you that I'm facing the same problem, plus I'm black and he won't introduce me to his folks yet he claims that he loves me. We are both in Varsity so anything can happen along the way. Just be careful. Convert only if you want to don't just go for it because he claims he loves you. PlEase...

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53739

8 years ago

He is trying to brainwash you - stay away, stay away.

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Watashi

9 years ago

No. First there is a obvious age gap. You're young and probably more easier to manipulate. He probably wants to use the Qu'ran against you.

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sky915

9 years ago

NOOO! Please don't do it!

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fullhouse

9 years ago

Islam.. Everything is good as long as you take my wood :p

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fullhouse

9 years ago

Hahaha So this is how the Muslim guys are getting the girls! I knew it!

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Avant-Garde

9 years ago

Religion is very important to some people, as I'm sure you now know. I don't believe that he should be pressuring you to convert for marriage. Love is a very beautiful and powerful thing. However, if the relationship is going to be effected simply because you don't want to convert, that isn't right. It isn't worth it.

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CreativeThinker

9 years ago

I have nothing personal against any religion whether it is Islam or anything else but this maybe called a forced conversion You will do it for him not for religion ... That guy must be an idiot ....... What if you breakup with him ever? can you predict that? Wht will you do with your conversion then? you won't be accepted back in your community .... keep all these factors in mind and I appreciate your intelligence you are already not going blind ......... Wish you good luck and for your idiot boyfriend accept my kick at back of his butt........

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randypete

9 years ago

Dump him don't do it you will be sorry

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LizardSkin

9 years ago

I hear they are sterilizing women over there. Seems Islam really likes to dominate their women. Some old world shit.

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loyally

9 years ago

Don't do it. You will ruin your life.

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Are You Normal?

Boyfriend is muslim and wants me to convert