Boyfriend never shows affection or gives compliments? is this normal?

10 Comments

Hi guys. I recently had a breakup, been crying every day.

My boyfriend never showed any affection. He would kiss me one time while leaving, and that's it. He also never showed any emotional affection, never complimented me. We would just hang out, and that's it. He was happy though. He never thought to do plan anything or do anything out of his way for me.

Me on the other hand, I was a wreck because I've been in a few relationships, and am a very emotional person. used to people being affectionate, love to have fun w/my bf, be generous to my partner. I like planning fun stuff to do, and treating people special. I know "guys" are supposedly just like this, but it made me feel very alone. He never wanted to do anything, and I acted awkward around him bc I didn't know if he liked me! I didn't know how to communicate to him what I wanted, because I became so insecure. I started dressing up more, planning things but nothing. It honestly made me crazy. We drifted and broke up.

Is this normal for a guy? Is the girl really expected to go out of her way and do all the work touching him, complimenting him, etc. just to receive something in return!? Was I supposed to do all the work? Makes me so mad if true! I'm heartbroken and wish I could've told him what I needed, but he broke up with me and we never got to talk!! I'm a wreck!!!

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Comments ( 10 )
  • Taka
    3 years ago

    Could just be that he was fine with how things were. Generally I'd say that people just tend to be different. Not everybody is gonna be the way you expect them to be and as hard as it is - it's just something you need to bring up and talk about, especially if it's important to you. I know, I know - it sounds stupid and obvious, but that's unfortunately true. You can't expect things to change on their own and have to be the reason why things things change.

    I mean, right now you're no longer together, so the best you can do is to stop thinking about it, as stupid as it might sound. What happened.. happened. You have to move on :/

    Could of course just be that he didn't feel exactly the same way you did, which is why he didn't show much affection, but that's difficult to know / tell from a brief description on the internet.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      Thank you..this was a really mature and respectful way to think about things. I think you're absolutely right. I should've talked about it more, just didn't know what to say. Thanks for the insight, gonna try to move on wish I could've fixed things sooner. :(

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Good for you, honey! Life is much lonelier with the wrong person than alone!

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  • SkullsNRoses
    3 years ago

    It’s not your job to do all the work, your partner should contribute as much as you do. Breaking up with him was the right thing to do, I’ve said it before, you shouldn’t have to beg your boyfriend to act like your boyfriend.

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  • ellnell
    3 years ago

    Some people just aren't affectionate, it can be for a variety of reasons. I'm not very affectionate myself. If you're a very needy person when it comes to that then maybe you're just a poor match. He could also be bad at these things so you need to tell him your needs, people aren't mind readers you know.
    Either way the only solution to these kinds of problems is always to talk to your PARTNER about it and then you can either solve it or you can't. That's life.
    If he broke up then there's not much to do though, he probably realized you guys are incompatible. There's nothing wrong with that.

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  • LloydAsher
    3 years ago

    I think it's good in a relationship to be affectionate every once in a while, with the amount determined by your partner.

    Some guys are unknowing jerks. Some are jerks and should be weeded out of the relationship pool.

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  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    He sounds like a serious toxic dude or a dude with other issues.

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  • Bilimp6in
    3 years ago

    Find a bi guy you'll see a different out look on your love life

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  • ilovefoodsomuch
    3 years ago

    I think that if a guy is going to commit to a relationship, he should go all in. So no, you aren't overthinking, if your boyfriend didn't show any affection during your relationship, why waste your time? He might be shy and not want to show his affection at times, but if you show it right to his face and he still doesn't, leave. You could honestly probably do so much better.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      Think he tried to be "too cool". He just couldn't get how much pain I was in no matter how much I tried!
      Thanks for this comment. I'm excited to start again in the future

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