Can i identify as lesbian if..

67% Normal
5 Comments

Can I identify as a lesbian even though i've only ever dated men?
I've never had sex though. I am thinking about this because it is on my mind to come out. I am already out to my mother who is very supportive but i'm still battling with tons of shame and disappointment with myself. I think coming out to my friends might help though, that would give me more support.
I made a tinder for matching with women only and i've done that before as well but got zero out of it, but all of a sudden I get matches and they even text back quickly so maybe it is my time...
I feel like a terrible and fake lesbian though for having dated men. I dont want to tell women that I identify as "questioning" because that would make most lesbian women weed me out as a straight girl looking to experiment. I'm not sure how to explain but it's been so non-physical with men that me and my ex could easily stay friends when we broke up. I only get turned on by women. So would somebody gay accept someone else as gay if they dated the opposite gender only before, even though they never slept with them??? Or would they still label me as bi??? Not to be biphobic but I would personally avoid dating a bi woman so yeah... All bi women I know if in real life ended up with a man so that's not a stereotype for me since I see it all the time, hence that's clearly how the bi women around here act. They prefer dick. I have never been able to tolerate dick anywhere near me.

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 6 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • KholatKhult
    1 year ago

    You’ll be avoided by the “gold star” lesbians who avoid bi/lesbian women who have been with men.
    Avoiding bi women because of stereotype is biphobic, it is what it is. You might be out-bi-phobic’ed by other women lmfao

    Bisexual people “end up” with the opposite gender by circumstance, sometimes preference, and societal expectations. It is a trillion times “easier” to make a life in a male/female relationship. Legally, socially, etc. especially if you want to raise children.

    My sister is a lesbian, she says there is a pretty big gate-keepy culture. Even bisexual women sometimes deal with internalized biphobia. Gay/bi dudes don’t give a shit

    If I were you, I wouldn't “come out” as anything until you’re in a relationship with a woman. It’s unnecessary drama otherwise, and you seem to want to justify it by talking about your sexual experience/thoughts. Not everyone likes to hear about that in casual convo. Sorry if this sounds tough

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    • ibrokemyds
      1 year ago

      the gold star thing kinda depends on who you ask. some people think you lose it when you date a man, others think you lose it when you have sex with a man, most normie lesbians either haven’t heard of it or don’t care.

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  • ASongIsADickInSheepsClothing
    1 year ago

    Yes. You have every right to identify as lesbian if you think it fits. There will always be some people who judge you on your past but they aren't the people you want to be dating anyway. You don't owe them an explanation.

    I would say open your horizons just a little, bi women aren't any less interested in or less loyal to women than lesbians. Wouldn't want to discard a good potential relationship just because of who they've been with in the past, yknow?

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  • ibrokemyds
    1 year ago

    If you’re only attracted to women then you’re a lesbian. It doesn’t matter if you’ve dated men in the past, if you didn’t have any non-platonic feelings for them then you’re still a lesbian. Welcome to the club :)

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  • ospry
    1 year ago

    Some gay people feel so pressured to conform that they end up marrying someone of the opposite sex and remain loyal to them their whole lives. They're still gay. Your having dated men in the past doesn't invalidate the fact that you were significantly more attracted to women while you were dating them. Anyone who's calling you a "fake" lesbian most likely has some serious insecurity and gatekeeping issues

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