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How to? I’m not feeling so hot. Cough and diarrhea. Not a good combo. How do I keep from shitting my pants when I cough?
FlexSeal™
Or
Have someone hold a roll of duct tape and you spin so your buttcheeks get wrapped together
Or
Stop shoving shit up your ass, why are you so loose? Yuck
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OK forget the OP's original reason for the question. The real question now is .... how many people actually tested to see if they could cough and squeeze their butt cheeks together at the same time?
Adult diapers man.. then you can casually goto the bathroom and change.
. Trust me, it's a pro tip!!