Constantly scared my mum and boyfriend are going to die, iin?

42% Normal
9 Comments

I've feared my mum will die (usually in a car crash) since I was around 12, maybe 13.
My mum used to leave me home alone (single parent, only child, yay..) for an hour and a half each monday evening to go to an al-anon meeting and if she wasn't back within an hour and a half I would automatically assume something had happened to her and start calling her frantically.
Now as far as I can remember, I wasn't like this ALL the time, and my anxiety levels were definitely not as high as they are now...

Forward 7 years later i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and living with each other for 2 and a half years.
For the past 2 years my anxiety for his well-being and my mum's well-being has increased immensely.

I'm extremely close to my mum, she lives about half a mile from us and I see her every day, we're sisters as well as mother and daughter, we've been through so much together, just me and her so if I ever lost her, it'd just be.. well I don't think i'd cope.
Same goes for my boyfriend, obviously not as strong as my mum but I would still fall apart without him.

Anyway, Everytime either of them don't pick up their phone I instantly think they're dead and go into a mad frenzy and sometimes break down completely.

I know it's not normal but I want to know how I can ease my anxiety and/or if anyone else can remotely relate?
It's really hard to live my life like this.

(I have been in psychotherapy for nearly a year and on various anti depressants since the age of 15. My psychotherapist has no advice, other than "try not to think about it" *sigh*)

Voting Results
42% Normal
Based on 12 votes (5 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 9 )
  • gofotit
    8 years ago

    Sounds like you have abandonment issues. You didn't mention a father. May i ask where he is? I would suggest writing down what you feel daily and read it to your mother. This may enforce how her actions effect your exsistance. You cannot change others realities; sometimes people only learn by experiencing hardship on their own. You are not responsible for other peoples choices & need to realax & let it go. If your old enough for a bf & live together then realise that is your priority. If you dream of it often you probably feel some responsibilty for what caused the changes to your home life (mother). Honesty when you talk to others will help you those who need to hear it, even if they don't want to including yourself

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Nokiot9
    8 years ago

    Have you lost a lot of people around you? Like have people close to you just suddenly died or disappeared? Because I agree. You sound like you have unresolved abandonment issues. You should talk to someone about it. A therapist or somebody with some experience dealing with abandonment and seperation anxiety and other mental/mood disorders. That is, if it's debilitating. If the fear doesn't interfere with your life or activity at all and isn't causing you a ton of stress and you just live with it... Idk. It's up to you

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • squirrelgirl
    8 years ago

    I understand how you feel. I worry a lot about my parents or brother dying. Words can't describe how devastated I'll be when they're gone. The four of us are a very tight-knit group, and I don't understand how my life can go on without them. I am a very emotionally sensitive person by nature so I can't imagine how I'll be able to deal with grief.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Twickers
    8 years ago

    Losing people is scary. Scary enough that it sometimes makes me wish I believed in some kind of faith and afterlife. It would make things so much easier to think, "I'll see them again, on a pink cloud, strumming a harp and greeting me with a loving embrace".... but I just can't see it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Twickers
      8 years ago

      So, I have nothing really ingenious to say other than....enjoy every moment and when all is said and done - don't cry because it's all over, just smile because it all happened.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      -1
      -1
  • Redcoats
    8 years ago

    Meditation could be your friend. Learning the art of observing thoughts but not acknowledging them could really help you out.

    Either that, or instead of curling up in a ball and crying, try and focus the energy you would spend into something else.

    Good luck (:

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Cliche1234
    8 years ago

    I feel like you too. It's scary when we imagine something bad happening to our dearest one. I was so worried when my cat wondering outside the house and fear if she lost her way back home. Then, she has one kitty that needs to be milk. When it happened, why don't you at least think something positive about it even if it's tough. I try it and it works.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    Of course you know you are ruining YOUR life with all this worry, right?
    My only suggestion would be for you to have a burial ceremony for both your mom and boy friend. For a few hours mourn them as if they have really died; get it out of your system.
    See if that improves things. If not, there's always therapy.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Alyss
      8 years ago

      That's the thing though, when they're out of contact I AM mourning their death, I turn into a baby (on floor, hysterically crying, sometimes foetal position is taken when they haven't picked up for over an hour)

      I know it sounds ridiculous, but I can't control my emotions and they won't increase my medication or change it.
      So i'm at a bit of a loss.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0