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My boyfriend recently told me that he gets in arguments with his 13 year old daughter, and that he often calls her a 'spoiled b*tch'. He says it's okay because she calls him an '@sshole', and that he should be allowed to call her that because that's the way she acting.
That can't be normal, can it?
It's normal for the kids to curse their parents, but it's NOT normal for parents to curse their kids. My parents and I used to get into hell-raising fights when I was a teenager. I would spew horrible words out of my mouth because I was young and angry and couldn't help myself.
However, neither my father nor my mother ever once cursed at me during these fights. It took a lot of self control and dignity. If they would have called me "spoiled b**ch", it would have shocked me because it would put them at my verbal and maturity levels, which were much lower at the time. lol
Why does he lower his way of expression to the language used by a 13 year old. He should be setting an example. he should not be playing her game. My mother always said "if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all"
Swearing shows stupidity, lack of imagination and vocabulary.
i know that my friends and i, as young adults, remember the names we were called as children clearly and sometimes bitterly. i guess it depends on the girl, but at 13 she may hide it if the name-calling hurts. chances are she will remember him calling her that her whole life, and that can't be good, can it? i know it's hard to change now but maybe if he stops, she will stop also and they can learn better ways to express themselves. ps... who's spoiling her?
Erm... well I wouldn't really appreciate it if my dad called me that.. I don't think so. Parents are supposed to support and help you, aren't they? I don't think calling them "spoiled bitches" is really a way to show them how much you love them..
I don't think a parent should put their child down in that way. It's just being mean, trying to make her feel bad about herself when the focus should be on her behavior. He sounds as childish as she is, which, maybe, I don't know, is the reason he couldn't get the relationship with the girl's mom to work? I guess that's wild speculation and I really shouldn't say that. If you're asking if it's normal that he's using a cuss word in the put down, that's besides the point. I don't think there's anything wrong with ANY language unless the intent behind it is to belittle or slander.
well im sure he wouldnt have to cal her that if she didnt act like one. . . and im sure she wouldnt act like one if she had some better parenting and im sure she wouldnt need better parenting if her father didnt call her curse words. . . . wow with the way times change. . . and how differently people act now adays compared to say thirty years ago. . . im scared for our future
he shouldnt have done that.it'll hurt her feelings i know from experience =) and your boyfriend should start acting like a father instead of a kid.kids respect their parents if their parents respect them.talk to each other nicely..and pls slow to anger.even if shes done something wrong dont start to scream,curse or even worse using your hand.slow talk...
The way I see it, adults are at fault becus we expose small children to cussings etc just like our parents and their parents etc. children are like a pieces of blotting paper and they pick things up (good and bad) very fast. Then when the damage is done, we adult will try to rationalise and says it is ok. I say 'it's a lot of BULLSHIT'. There are choices in life and we can put a stop to it by cussing less, more so if in front of them. Of course when children becoming older they are unfortunately exposed to others' cussing. But then they would have already been taught (by us) that it is not nice to cuss and maybe they will be better informed. btw, I cuss once in a while too (alone).
Your boyfriend is obviously trailer trash. If not literally, then he has the mindset of it. Anyone who finds it okay use foul language with their children has no class.
Parents lose it, say things they immediately regret ... young teens are really trying - and lets face it: vulgarity is terribly commonplace.
But, NO, it is not normal for him to refer to his daughter that way (& "often"!) & he is really showing poor, poor judgement to think it is OK.
Being called an A-hole by your kid must sting. But the way to deal with it isn't to act like one.
Doesn't he realize that he should teach by example? How does he expect to be respected, and worse, how is this girl to grow up with a sense of self respect?
Get him to change his behaviour. And take a closer look at whether you share this guy's values.
i think that's totally wrong, there should be respect between the daughter and father and if there wasn't, the father should try fixing that not making it worse
It's normal for teenagers to swear, but their parents probably shouldn't encourage it. If he wants her to grow up and succeed in life someday, then he should really consider helping her stop the cussing.
NO! First of all, he's setting a bad example, cursing at her like that.
And second, there is clearly no respect there.
Kids SHOULD NOT be talking that way to their parents. There's something wrong.
It's normal for teens to curse but it's not normal for parents to curse at their kids regardless at how truthful their words are. Both are at fault here because neither should be cursing at the other. There are better ways to settle an argument. Plus, he's setting a bad example for her when she grows up and possibly has kids of her own.
Side note: My Mother who has 11 kids and countless grandkids gave me the best advice I have gotten in my 10years of parenting my three kids... "The best way to react to a pissed off kid, is to simply not react." All it does is cause a snowball effect when you react.. that's what your trying to prevent. I'm a single mother and it has always worked for me.
Here it is important to remember that children learn what you teach. If he wants to deal with the man who beat the shit out of his daughter simply because as a father he failed her and didn't teach her a thing about self respect- then be my guest. But I know that every little girl deserves to feel loved because it makes us the women we are. If you feel like no one else loves you, you chances are, will never learn to love yourself. He should try a different approach. I believe it was Marilyn Monroe who said it best. "Every little girl deserves to feel pretty (and in this case loved,) even if she's not."
When i was 15 a little kid just walked up to me while i was boarding and told me to "get off his fucking skateboard bitch" strange century this is where toddlers try to steal and intimidate us older people
Had that happen to me in the toy aisle...trying to pick out gifts for my kids. This little chunky blonde kid walked up and said up and out of no where said, "out of my way bitch." So I replied, "Where is your Mom so I can slap a hoe?" Lol... i agree with you completely! Society: we are failing our kids!!!
It is NEVER ok for a parent to react and call there children names. They are supposed to be the adults and the mature ones. Teens or children dont have the ability to work through there emotions like adults do and so they need the guidance of someone who is able (adult) to teach and guide them how. If the person who is supposed to be teaching them reacts the same way the child becomes welll uncivilized?!
That is freaking ubsurd ur bf is a bitch and an asshole dump him that is absolutely no way I mean no way to treat a 13year old baby I mean it!!!tell him to Chang or dump him jeez I feel terrible for that baby she mustn't living in a freakin hell hole u asses y do u let him treat her thar way I mean grow up have u ever thought about her? I don't mean to bitch but that's absurd y do u let her speak that way? U know I'm ticked that u treat her that way and u let her treat u guys that way grow up I can't believe that I'm sorry but seriousely? What the freaking hell??????????? OMG!! Poor baby that's really quiet terrible
They'll eventually get to know the words. Your bf is just speeding up the process.
Words are words... as long as they both know that they don't really mean it and she has good relationship with her dad outside of fighting. Me and my parents used to get into fights and say horrible things to each other(little sh*t,nosy c*nt,ignorant c*cksucker) but we knew that we didn't really mean it and I think that just show shows how close I am to my parents because we can say all of these horrible things to each other and forgive each other
afterwards. Why stop them from saying it when they're going to say it under their breath and think it anyways. I wouldn't worry tho it goes away as they grow up.
its probably more exciting for them to use curse words. that way they know they're paying attention.
Unfortunately, as some previous poster said, it is normal now. But not all that is considered normal in any given moment has to be good necessarily just for being 'normal', the norm, the generalized social attitude or action or state.
That man is a retarded, he acts and put himself in the level of a irrational and badly educated youngest girl of 13.
An adult has to have the prudence and foresight a youngster or a child hasn't. That's the difference, mental and moral, of a true adult and a non adult, not just the age.
And then, of course, he is a coward and a bully, fighting and bullying, without real need, a woman, and then a girl, and then his daughter (?).
I hope you didn't kept along with such a dub, because you would be next in the list.
Instead of feeding her negativity with negativity he should try different approaches.
He should seek therapy for the both of them. That way a professional can help him deal with his daughter's misbehavior.
People aren't a failure just because they seek therapy. People are a failure when they don't and keep failing.
My dad called me a bitch once. I screamed at him and his defense was that that's the way I was acting. He came and apologized very quickly. I got spankings from an early age, but not verbal abuse. I think that can mess a kid up, way more than spanking. it's one thing to be diciplined and another to be belitted and degraded by a family member. I adore my parents for the way they raised me and I'm going to raise my children the same way, I will never degrade my children like that.
It is nice you want to raise your children in the way you adored. But try to improve your parenting for the next generation by not spanking. Use discipline, not spanking. Don't just go on how you were raised/what believed. There's lots of solid info. Hope you don't mind the suggestion.
I remember my dad doing that to me when I was itty bitty but not when I was thirteen.
Children mimic their parents so I'll bet it's his fault she's so mouthy to begin with and him calling her names is not going to gain him respect. Just the opposite. She's 13 now and acting like that she's only going to get worse if he doesn't learn other ways to communicate with her
Being a 13 year old girl, she most likely is a bitch. The fact that she calls her father an arsehole just proves that point.
No problem with calling a spade a spade.
I would never curse at my daughter, if she cursed at me I would give her a nice hug aka a butt whipping. :P
My dad has always sworn at me and it is NOT GOOD, and as somebody else said it does make them seem less mature and less respectable as a parent.
no, never curse at your kids. i still remember what my parents called me when i was little. it hurts inside.
I would say by that age its to late to change, if she is calling him an A hole then there is no respect there which must have been lost as the child was growing up.
So no not normal unless your a typical council estate dweller!!
Maybe she can't control herself, but she is a 13 year old girl, and that is exactly how HE is acting-- like a child.
Children internalize that kind of thing, and it can really haunt them. My mom called me a bitch when I was 13, and I haven't forgotten it over 10 years later.
It is immaturity, and a clear lack of self-control that enables a grown man to treat a child that way. Why do you think she thinks it's ok to call him an a-hole? Because he has demonstrated that treating someone with no respect is ok!
You should be careful what you say to kids, they take it all on board, 5 years on, I can still remember things my parents said/ did to me that upset me when I was 13. Like mkaidd said, he should stop to set an example for her.
LOL. Unfortunately It is normal for this day and age, but when my kid turns 13 he damn sure won't be talking to me like that.
well, from my perspective, bitch and asshole are just words like lamp and chair....so cool by me.