Deal with the presence of my step-daughter

Wow....this story is exaclty like mine, except my stepdaughter is only 18 months. I used to love being around her and love her until I got pregnant and it has been very quickly downhill ever since. I have read a lot of these comments and I think that these people posting have never been the stepmom who got pregnant and have no idea what you are going through. It kills me inside that I hate my stepdaughter, but I cannot control the way I feel, I hate her. I look for advice every day on how to cope and accept her, but come up with nothing. I am reading stepmothering books and have gone to therapy. Anything to try and help my situation so that it does not ruin my family. People sit back and critisize, but that is because they have no clue what it is like. I have no advice to offer, other than it is nice knowing you are not alone and there are other women out there in the same situation. It's easy to sit back and judge when you have never been there.

Been there done that! I thought I was reading the story of MY life. When hubby & I got married, his daughter was 3. I loved her and although my mom warned me about marrying a guy with a kid, I was in love..blablabla...She was my flower girl at our wedding...anyways, it was all good until I had my son, by then she was 6. OMG, I felt so cheated. All my friends had their families...mom,dad and baby...and I was stuck with this "outsider". When I had my son, my hubby went to pick her up at her mom's so she can come visit me. AHHH...I felt so bad for him bcuz he was so excited to bring her and what I really wanted was so scream "F her...this is OUR moment! I hated the fact that she had to be in our Xmas photo and that caused a HUGE fight with hubby. Lucky you, only 2 days every other wknd. We had her 50/50 with her mom. I remember I would wake up in a bad mood on the days I knew she was coming. When she was 9 I had my daughter. She got VERY jelous. In part by her mother's comments, ie "your dad has a little girl now, so you're on the back burner"...very stupid mother, but that's a whole other story....Well, she's 16 now and she has not seen or spoken to her dad in over 3 years. There were rules in our house and she didnt like them and she started spending less and less time at our house until she stopped coming all together. I am ashamed to admit it, but it's the best thing that could have happened to us. I pray that my kids don't marry a person with a kid..it really sucks!

Amen!!! If you have never been in the situation, you will never understand just how much you can come to resent step children, especially when they treat you like garbage and get away with it. When they become adults and never go out on their own and continue to suck your finances dry and expect free food, it is extrememly annoying. I would recommend that parents try to work out their problems and stay married if you have kids. The kids will suffer, you will suffer, and the step parent will most definitely suffer.

You know how you are acting and feeling toward this young child is wrong & harming her and your marriage. Get help now - counselling - to understand where these negative feelings of bitter hostility and jealousy are coming from, and what you can do.

This is a long term relationship so you have to change. While getting help your husband should do things with his daughter on his own to meet her needs and minimize her exposure to your demeaning behaviour. Her weird behaviour, BTW, is just a reaction to yours.

And while getting help - try to have empathy for this child - put yourself in her shoes. Realise how lating the kind of emotional abuse you are subjecting her to is. Treat her with the dignity she deserves.

You are not being mean or selfish. I know because I am in the same situation. I have a 13 year old stepdaughter and just had a baby 9 months ago. It bothers me too when she calls him her little brother because to me, he's not. I have 11 brothers and sisters and my definition of what a sister or brother is is different than visiting their house several times a month. In my viewpoint, he will have a sister when my husband and I have a baby girl, but I will never voice these because it would be hurtful and accomplish nothing. I have a hard time when she comes over because she is a guest in our house...that's right, a guest. She does not live here, this is not her home. But when she's here I try to make her feel at home, and work really hard to have a fun time with her. But honestly, the best times I have with her are without the baby because I really resent her playing with him; so we spend some quality time together alone and I am SO HAPPY!!! Try that! I totally understand---look around my home--we have tons of family pictures, with my husband, me and our baby. That is who I consider my family, but I work hard at not letting my feelings affect how I act around her. There is nothing anyone can do about my feelings, and it's really easy for people to judge you, but in the end, the feelings are yours and should not be judged. Just try to make her feel welcome when she's here. Something that affected my feelings is that I had a really good time with her before I got pregnant, but we were "playing house, playing family", and when we decided to start our own family is when I wanted it to just be us. Don't try to change your feelings, just try not to dwell on hateful or angry thoughts. And I remember that my stepdaughter will be an adult by the time my baby is 5 so she won't have much of an impact on his life. People will get angry and criticize this post, but I DO NOT ACT ON THIS!!! I have learned to move on when she's here and enjoy her presence!! I can do things with her I can't with my husband--she's like a little sister to me, just not my daughter. I love her like a sister, so my feelings are my own--don't judge them!!!

You are being a little selfish. when you married your husband, you not only took him for better or for worse, you took his daughter as well. she is only three and still learning about the world. It unfair to hold against her the fact that she has a runny nose or that she does not know the difference between her toys and your sons toys. And you know what, not only is she your husbands daughter now, but she is yours as well. my parents are divorced and my dad is remarried. My stepmom treats me like one of her own kids. my mom, my dad, my stepmom, we all get a long great and even go on family trips together. as far as I am concerned, I have two moms. and honey, whether you like it or not, your son and your stepdaughter are brother and sister. they are related by their father and are brother and sister not only by circumstance, but by blood and genes.

The reason you feel this way about a 3 year old girl is because she is not your daughter, you need to change your perspective and deal with it, try to get along with her, don't hate a 3 year old girl just because she has a cold or something stupid like that.

"The worst thing is that I didnt choose this situation"

You chose to marry a man that had a child.

You had a choice.

You're the reason society as we know it is doomed. You make a bad decision that you regret then act the role of a victim. The whole world wants to be a victim. No one will take ownership for mistakes and wrong doings. You're just another awful excuse for a human being that has decided to procreate and spawn more disgusting human beings to plague this earth.

You need professional help, and both children need to be removed from you by CPS.

I totally understand where your coming from. And no one should judge unless they are in the same situation. It's very hard to be a stepmother before being a mom. There is a big difference! I'm only 21 and have a sd, but as well have a baby girl of my own now. Through my pregnancy all my husband would say was well when sd was born or this or that. I got so depressed and stressed out. I fell in love with my husband and couldn't imagine life w/o him. At the same time you don't know what's in store for you till you go through something. It's hard on me personally cause whenever I make attempts to bond all sd wants to talk about is her mother. She's only 3 but still, and her mother didn't even take care of her as a baby. It's sad when a baby gets "downstairs" infections cause her mom won't change her diaper!!!! Or do anything else for that matter, it really p's me off. But we have her half the time and things like that aren't happening now. My husband works all day, eats dinner with us which is around 6, then goes to his band practice. I take care of house, animals, sd, and my baby is only 3months and I breastfeed. Then my husband says things like let's hurry and have another kid so they can grow up together, I'm not ready for that. It's hard trying to balance everything. He also makes comments like sd doesn't have anyone to play with, like it's my fault! I'm sorry I waited to have a child with someone I loved and chose to spend my life with instead of a 1 night stand. I know that's blunt but it's the truth. Her mother had kids with someone else before sd was born. He thinks I spoil the baby to much, this is MY first child, shouldn't I have that right? He got to spoil his FIRST kid, and that's not me b****ing, it's me questioning my rights as a mother. I take care of my sd and try spending quality time with her but sometimes feel like what's the point. I just feel overwhelmed.

3 year old daughter, the man of my dreams has one. I met him, fell in love in one night! I knew he had a daughter, as all of us do, but we dont know what comes with that statement. She was 16 months old when I met him. The sweet baby stage, well, it wasnt even sweet. She would kick and hit me then. Tell me that her, "daddy is mine" all the time. She turns 3 next month. He was hugging me a few minutes ago and she says, "daddy, I dont want you to hug Jenny"! Its been a very long time and he has 50/50. I will not marry him because of her. All children love me...I have a son who is 14, and niece who is 2, and a nephew who is 4. I treat her just as I do them. I even buy her clothes, because her mother dresses her like an orphan. I try so hard still, but yet she has me as the bad guy in her head. I went to see a therapist over this. He said, that daughters always look at the other woman as the person that took their father away from their mother. Even though, her mother left him, she is angry he is not with them as a unit. Ive held myself down in a peaceful place, then I got word that her mother is moving with her and her fiance and we will only get her every other weekend. Im so relieved, because nothing I did was enough. Nothing...step daughters who think they have a wicked step mother need too look back at their actions and maybe see why. People say oh, she s just 3 and this and that! We know that! These children act so different around us, it needs to be recorded for the world to see. Step sons are much easier! Ive been reading and reading for months about this and doing research. Its the same in almost every case. I love him so much, we are soul mates. But she is enough to make me think twice and walk away from the man that I feel I cant live without. But I can live without her causing us problems. He agrees and does everything he can do, but everytime he hugs me we have to go through this, "I love Jenny and I love you, we hug people we love"! What a waste of words. Id pass him up if I had know what this would do to my heart, since I do love him so much.

Being a step-mother is something you really cannot understand untill you've been there. This is why all of these 'you knew he had a daughter' comments are so ridiculous to me. The fact is, in becoming involved with a man with children you have no idea of the $hit storm you're walking in to. By the time you realise it's too late, you're already heavily invested in the relationship. I love my husband dearly, he is my perfect partner, but if I had my time over I would pass him by.

I am a step child myself and always felt that my step mother was a horrible witch ... untill I became a stepmother myself and was able to see how difficult it must have been for her to have to put up with me as I was really very awful to her. In my childs mind though I always felt she deserved it. I honestly have to laugh somethimes at the steaming pile of karma the universe has dumped on me.

Resentment is a noxious emotion and hard to bring under control. It comes from a persons needs continuosly not being met and these feelings are never addressed. These feelings are compounded when you voice your needs and are met with indifference, or anger, or basically anything that shows your partners lack of understanding for your situation or willingness to do anything about it. At this point the original root of your resentment becomes obscured and more resentment is piled on top. It feeds on itself and springs up everywhere, becoming a force in your life that feels overwhelming.

I think we as step mothers are much more prone to resentment because society says your not allowed to feel this way (look at the some of the comments here!). You're expected to love your partners child(ren) and treat them as your own even though that is a completely unrealistic expectation to place on people. So when we have any negative thoughts about our step children we push them down and ignore them where they fester and turn in to resentment. You don't have to love your step children. Hell, you don't even have to LIKE them! And unless your acting on these feeling (which you're not) that does not make you a bad person. Give yourself the permission not to like your step kid.

mainly you are pregnant..well were pregnant! and if you haven't hurt the child then there is no need to call a damn social services like one woman said..just try to remember she is little, will grow up, and is apart of the family. Feelings like these are natural..lol..kind of funny, but you know keep control because that is not your child..Some people really kill me with their answers!

Please go get help.. I was the "stepchild" in this situation and it took me a very long time to heal from it. Still very painful to think abou how I was the "outsider" and how I was treated... My mom to this day apologizes for allowing it to happen. We all have a good relationship now and my " stepdad" is a total grandpa and loving to my son so for me that's really helped me heal.. I was also in a similar situation with my ex and I loved his 2 daughters dearly and one was 3 and the other was 6 when my son was born.. I noticed I started having these sort of feelings right after my son was born although not as intense as you described and talked to someone right away., it is NOT the childs fault at All!!!! Give her a little responsibilty with her new brother like trying to make him laugh or showing him his new toys it will make her feel included and ownership of her baby bro... Take youself out of your feeling and think about this innocent child's for a moment, her dad got married and has a new baby! She is 3... The fact that you can talk to your husband is wonderful and I strongly suggest you get professional help before it gets worse, because it "won't get better" and the potential damage you are doing is unfathomable to this little girl, your husband, your marriage, AND your baby. These are feeling that can be changed.

The fact you are acknowledging you are the adult and she is the child and the way you feel is not her fault tells me you are not happy to be feeling this way toward herand that you know it is unfair. Sometimes even though it is wrong we cannot help the way we feel and I dont think it is right for people to judge you to harshly.

However she is innocent and she does not deserve to be treated with anything other than love you cannot wish her away and to do so would be wrong and your husband would resent you for it.

I think maybe you are suffering from postnatal depression and it is presenting itself as negative feelings toward your step daughter. Or maybe the change in your life and being a mum has just simply affected the way you feel.

In any case you cannot leave this as it is you need to deal with it or things are just going to get worse and this innocent girl is going to suffer and you will hate yourself for alowing it to happen. You need to talk to someone NOW go and see your GP don't be afraid of being judged just go and tell them how you have been feeling they should refer you for some counceling.

I hope this helps.

I am a step mother of 2 girls. I decided to embrace them and love them dearly. My husband and i now have a son. It was hard at first for the girls to accept me. It took about 5 yrs. There mom filled their heads. So it wasnt their total fault. They believe their mom who lied to them. But now they have children who call me grandma. we do everything together. They were 11 and 15 when we got married. I chose to love them and love won them over. I never took to heart the mean things they did or said. Because they did it out of hurt themselves. They just needed to be loved. Now were best friends and I know for a fact they love me A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Embrace the kids. They can turn out to be your best friend(s). I wish I had the oppertunity to have had them when they were younger. I think you have a serious problem. It's something in you that's wrong. I hope you find out what it is and fix it before it hurts your step daughter emotionally.

I'm disgusted. Being a step daughter myself I can understand the acceptable. How on earth is that acceptable, disliking a husband's child when even when she spends so little time with him? From what I understand the majority of your time and the week is spent with 'your family,' which includes only yourself, your husband and your son. Though she may not be your biological daughter, she is his, and therefore she is included in your family.

Of course she would want to spent as much time with him as possible on the couple days of every second week she does see him. That is a natural thing. She has every right to spend the little time she does with her father. 'Your family' is still well kept on the other days you lack her presence. Wouldn't you agree that those two days are far more precious to her than your days are to you? You spend far more time with your husband without her than she does with him. I wonder how much of the time she spends with her father is one on one and quality time at that. To me, it sounds as though her time is most affected by you and your selfishness rather than the other way around. You should be ashamed of yourself.

She sounds like a perfectly normal child. Children do wake up at night, as I'm certain any adult occasionally does. Not a single person can say they've slept soundly their entire life. Obviously you wouldn't want your son to get sick, but you should be just as worried for her well being.

I would normally try to neutralize my opinions and say something less cold, but I can't contain myself as well now that I'm quite upset. You are a dreadful stepmother. I only hope that doesn't reflect on your actual parenting skills and that your son would be affected. Whatever you have to deal with is quite apparently not as concerning as what you've so dramatically written. Take into account her feelings in all of this. How can you ever wish any child wouldn't have been born? I'm quite literally sick from this.

I agree that it is very difficult to understand the situation unless you are actually in the same or similar situation. Being a stepmother can be tough, and though we are more mature, some children can be manipulative. My bf's daughter tells him straight up to leave her side if he's lying next to her and to come sleep with me instead. Then she pushes him away. Then she cries uncontrollably for almost an hour for her mother, so loud that my daughter is unable to sleep. His daughter is almost 4. I try to comfort her but she blocks me out and if I ever discipline her (which I do gently and not in a mean way) she doesn't obey me or she will say "no!" Above this, my bf's mother keeps beating him down with the fact that he does not spend enough time with her when he makes every effort to spend as much time w her as possible-he simply has a demanding work schedule. She also implies that it is my fault.I DID want to marry him and have our own children but now he is saying he would one day like for her to live with us.... Again, it is very difficult to understand unless you are going through these issues as well.

omy god i feel the same way as you do. i really need help its getting me down so much i feel like i have made the biggest mistake of my life!!!

my stepdaughter is so sweet and innocent when my husband is around as soon as he turns his back shes an evil little monster!! night times are hell 2. 1day i was watching her and my son through the mirror in my car and she was bashing our 1 year old sons head into the side of his car seat! iv even caught her making him eat MUD OFF her own SHOE he was only 9 month old! and she smacked him on the head the 1st time she ever met him. she takes his seat belt off while we are driving and says she never touched it! god theres so many more things shes done.

Anyway i did tell her off when i saw her doing these things and she went off crying!! only for her daddy to go chasing after her and making her feel better and give her attention when she has done something wrong! he thinks i was being harsh on her and she didnt no any better! what aload of bull poo! but she wont listen 2 me like when i say dont that because this will happen and the baby will get hurt! she looks at me smiling and carries on doing it!!

iv tried my dam hardest with her over the years and since i had my son thats when it all happend. my husband works 7days a week!! but has every other weekend off which is when he has his daughter!

i wanted to have a big family and hes just told me he doesnt want anymore kids because he has a perfect family a daughter and a son! i am gutted i just dont no what to do anymore..... im at my witts end!

please people who have had the same experience give me some advice. thank you and good luck to every1 else who is going through the same x x x x

I can imagine how you must feel, she is the outcast and is not apart of your family, I would just try to stay away from her if you can.

I think you'rebeing mean and self-fish now that you have your baby. The little girl is only 3yrs, make her feel part of the family and you will notice how nicely the young girl will respond. Remember your husband is her Dad and she should not be deprived of that, she's too little at 3yrs, it's not her fault that her dad split with her Mum. Show her love and affection and that's what you will get in return.

I am surprised by how judgemental some of these people are being. If you have not been in this situation it is easy to think that you are being selfish and mean, but I think its a totally natural feeling and I have it myself. My stepdaughter is 13 and I resent her presence in my life too. It is not that she is a bad kid, because she is fine-the problem is a emotional one for me.

She was not part of my husbands life for several years(she lived over seas). I knew about her but she did not see us and we lived OUR lives and planned our future and she was not part of it. I finally met her when I was pregnant for about a month and she left again.

A few years after that her mom moved back and I have had a hard time ever since. I Just hate that my husband has a kid with someone else-period. It feels foreign and uncomfortable. I resent when she comes over because it feels like she is taking away my time with him and our daughter. he also works night shift and I do not see hime a lot as it is.

I am sure that it sounds horrible to an outsider because I know that I would think that too, but you can not rationalize raw emotion-i just feel upset about it.I was worried about the child part when we first met but since she was not around, i thought it would be ok.

It's so easy to talk and comment like some people did to your story... they are arrogant and self %%u2013righteous thinking they own the absolute truth.

Before you were pregnant you didn't mind your stepdaughters' presence like you do now. I think that you are a great mum, and that's why you worry so much. It's understandable that you want the best for your baby, and the best is to interact with you and his father as a united family. I see how the girl can disrupt this little time you have together as a family.

I won't judge you, because it's in your skin that this burns. I'm sure it's not easy, but try to accept her presence. It will be easier on you, on your husband and on the girl.
Try to live one day at a time. Don't waste the time she is there regretting. I understand that it would be much more intimate if the girl wasn't there, but try not minding so much. If you get closer, you will see she can be nicer. The way you talk about your baby makes me see that you are a loving woman that loves children. I'm sure that if you pass the fact that she is your husband's with another woman, you can see her as you see any other child, and treat her as such.

Good luck with everything! I'm sure it will all go for the best!

I think your fucking M.R. seriously. For one, if shes only 3 years old then shes OBVIOUSLY not in school(the runny nose and cough)(did you ever think the poor girl has ALLERGIES) so who knows what the hell your even talking about. For two, She is only 3, she cannot help that people call your son and her brother and sister. but would there be a difference if they had said Step-brother and sister? I think not. you have to fucking face it that your husband has a child and don't you think he would be hurt if he could never see his child just because of a selfish bitch like you?

You hate a 3-year-old for having a cold? Or playing with toys she finds around the house? And you cannot bear for people to even call her your son's sister? That is so horrible!!!
Since you liked her before you got pregnant, maybe you are suffering from some sort of hormone-based delusion. This poor little girl is indeed your son's sister, not some monster stealing your husband away from his "real" family. She was his family first, not you. She probably came in your son's room and was "staring" at you because she woke up in the middle of the night and came to you for comfort. She was probably hoping you would hold her, the poor baby, not realizing how you despise her. People like you fill me with despair.

Congratulations on completely depriving a little girl of her father, I had a bitch like you take my dad over also.
I hope he`s strong enough to realize how selfish you are and how much his child needs him in his life, but I doubt he will - men are weak and you obviously have him wrapped around your finger.
I hope you can`t sleep at night.

Your a bitch. If I was there I would call childline and then you would have to walk all the way to the park so you can bully little children. Be ashamed and pick on someone your own size

This is a tiny child we're talking about. This poor child only gets to see her father for a few measly hours, and you want to deprive her of this. Hopefully this man will leave you and take the children with him. You're an extremely selfish and despicable woman. You do not deserve children........

wow. You are totally normal. Anyone calling you selfish is not in your situation. Reading your story was like taking a page out of my own book. I have a 6 year old SD and I am 6 months pregnant with my first child. My husband doesn't seem to understand how legitimate my concerns are for when he is born. As it is, my SD shadows our every move and can never play on her own. Her mother has never been in her life and I'm expected to play the full role and it's total shit. It is not my fault her mother was a whore who refuses to take care of the 4 children she has neglected. I say take a stand now while she is young. What we're doing now is completely seperating her from myself. I ignore her when I am in her presence. My mental health is more important than the arrogant entitlement that little brat feels. Hang in there, you are totally normal.

I know exactyly how you're feeling. I have two step children, 4 and 6 a boy and a girl. Their mother is not in the picture so they live with my husband and i. My husband is a special forces soldier so he is gone half the year, in other words, im raising his children on my own. They 6 year old has add, and sever emotional and behavioral problems. My husband and i have a baby of our own, shes18 months. I am the same way about them touching her things, they break everything they own and i dont want them breaking her things. If they go in her room i get so angry. If my husband and i are watching a movie together and my step son comes into the room i get so annoyed and angry, i dont even want to look at him. My family lives far away and i always want to visit them when my husbands gone, if it were just me and my baby i would only have to pay for one plane ticket but with them id have to pay for 3 so i rarely get to go back home and visit, because of them! I feel like my step son needs so much extra attention with all of his problems that im taking away from time with my little girl, it makes me resent him. This is the one and only thing my husband and i fight about. I love myhusband so much and the only reason i have put up with raising them on my own is for him. But im at a point right now where i honestly think it may lead to our divorce. This makes me hate them even more becaue i think if they weren't in the picture we would have such a wonderful marriage and i would never even consider divorce. So trust me i know exactly how you're feeling. I dont know if its normal but i do know that you are not alone!

Oh yes you are being absolutely mean and selfish. Being selfish isn't always a bad thing, but in this situation it is. You have to remember that the girl is only 3 years old. The behaviour you describe is exactly what 3yos do. Just wait until your son is that age and you'll find out. He'll come up with every excuse in the book to stay up.
The girl is acting exactly as she should. It's not HER fault YOU don't know how to handle it.
Maybe you resent the fact that another woman had a child with your husband before you did.
Still doesn't mean you take it out on that little girl. She deserves every little moments she can get with her father and yes.. her BROTHER.
You need to grow up. The girl is not taking any time away from you or your family. Grow up and be a woman and a good mother.

I think you are going way Overboard...just remember you Married your husband knowing that he Had a child already , You should be ashammed of yourself for even thinking so harshly about an innocent child!

OMG. Reading this made me cringe. While I understand that you can never love someone else's child as if it was your own, you need to remember that your stepdaughter had no say in her parents' parting ways just as she had no say in acquiring a selfish stepmom. She sees her father for two days once every two weeks. She misses him and is normal for her to cling to him. If you think you need to compete with a child for your husband's attention I suggest you get some serious therapy before you lose him. He seems to be a decent man but your attitude will put a dent in your relationship that will slowly erode your marriage, make no mistake about that.

I'm a LOT late to this discussion, but after reading some comments, I had to respond.

First off, yes, this is NORMAL, there is nothing wrong with anything you are feeling. You aren't acting on them, your feelings are your own, you are not a monster for wanting things a certain way for your son & your family.

I'm disgusted by the amount of hateful comments towards you on here. As if they've never had a mean thought in their life. I'm most appalled by the comments left by stepdaughters, they really need to shut up. I'm sorry that you've been painted the villainess, because that's obviously what you are, right? It MUST be the step-moms fault, because the stepdaughter DOES NO WRONG.

Whatever...

I am a step-mom, have been for 13 soul crushing years to a deceptive, manipulative, hateful step-daughter. When I met my husband, she was 5 years old, a little spoiled, a little bratty, but we got along. The arrangement was she see her dad on Sunday, from 12-5 & Monday, from 3:00-6:00, not a lot of time. She had never spent the night with her dad, not until she was 8 years old. No, her dad is no saint, but after years of suffering at the hands of her mom he had enough. This prompted him to leave & her mom to use that child as

Comments from women - mothers - who loathe their stepchildren are disgusting. How would you feel if another woman felt this way about your child and treated him or her differently? Try therapy because you need it. I have two stepchildren - both 19 now - and my husband and I have a 16-month-old son. We've recently discovered some troubling issues with my stepdaughter, whom by the way, I consider my daughter. She has been feeling neglected since our son was born, and it's recently all come to light. ALL children, whether babies, toddlers, teens and teens entering adulthood need our love. How would you feel if you didn't receive the love and comfort you needed when you were a child? Please seek help to overcome these feelings. You'll feel better and your stepchildren need your love. And your family as a whole will benefit. It makes me so angry when women don't accept the whole package. You went into your marriage knowing there was a child/children. Accept it and do what it takes to show them they ARE LOVED JUST AS YOU LOVE THE CHILD YOU BIRTHED. If you can't do it, then please realize you need help. Seek help through therapy. Ruining a child's life is certainly not worth your selfishness and childish feelings. By the way, your stepchildren and the child you gave birth to ARE siblings. Why deny them that relationship? All we need is love, right? We really do.

You are dusgusting. You knew he had a child and you knew that somehow this child would be part of your life when you decided to live with him. Whether you like it or not this child is part of your family and telling your husband that you don't like his daughter will only make him love her more because he will feel sorry for the poor child. You are an horrible person.

I hope your husband leaves you! You're a fucking idiot. If your husband left you and got remarried again had another kid would you want her to hate your fucking dumb as son whos just so lovely i hope you realize this girl had no choice who her parents or step parents were and if she had a choice wouldn't be you which means your child wouldn't evbe here! So if you truly want to be a family change or burn in hell while she plays with her brother and her father without you! You're a dumb fucker! Have a nice day!

I have a 3 yr old step daughter and at times she is difficult. There are a lot of reasons to dislike a step child. They might resemble the other parent that you greatly dislike. Remember that they are not the other parent. They are a completely different being on to them selves. They might display the attitude of the other parent because that is who they are raised by. It is not their fault. If they are older explain to them that they are at your house and they can't behave a certain way there. Another reason you might feel resentful is due to your instability. They know where they stand. You and your spouse need to sit down and have a conversation about where you stand. Suggest things that would make you feel better and come up with realistic ways of making you feel needed. You might also have your expectations too high. Everyone wants to have a perfect house. Lets be honest no one is perfect. Now a days it is normal to be divorced and have broken homes.

sandienna;

You are a noble person. I have a 7 year old from my ex. My girl is with me and my current girlfriend for almost 5 + years. She thinks that she has a family, she loves my current and believes that she is her mother.

2 years ago , I had a boy with her and another is due next month. For past one year or two my GF has started treating my daughter with ridicule, nagging and verbal all treatment all the way.

So I will have to choose between my daughter and my GF. So of course now I have to move out, find a different school ( my daughter is in gifted children program and very kind nature) she is adored by her teachers, neighbors and she brightens everyone's day.

So now I will have to relocate , and go for custody of my boys and struggle with emotional and social harm done by a mean spirited women I choose to live my life with.

So all you mean spirited women up there, life gives you test first and lessons later. Now one day your mean spirit will cause you to be dumped then you all will now be getting into a relationship someday and guess what ???? The lessons have begun. Now you have children and your new partner must accommodate. How would you like him to be a mean step father. You all will learn. That 3 year old needs to be removed from your presences and you women are disgrace to good girls. All husbands dump these wicked and ugly people. Dump them , let them find out the hard-way, in the m=meantime, let all good guys go and find a bride in Russia...huh. Disgraceful and shame on you so called mothers abusing children badly. Children are not bastards parents are.

Wow! seriously"..Wow! You women are truly EVIL!

Not all women, but you women that posted your story"s of being jealous of little inocent children and totally despizing them". I can understand(from experience) of a teenage step son/daughter that has grown defiant and disrepectful because you are "not my mother/father" and "your not the boss of me" situations.

its probably just because the child belongs to your spouses ex, and you see him/her every time you see the child.

What you need is some "VERY SERIOUS" phsycological counciling" to help you realize that you never matured from your own childish idiological behavior.

Your absolutely sick and disgusting!

To the EVIL stepmothers that have posted on this page. It's actually scarey to see how many of you mothers think of children. The daughter was around before you and I personally think you feel threatened because there will always be a bond there between your husband and their daughters/sons. How you evil witches can sit on your high horse and point fingers at children. Well guess what it takes a man and a woman to make a baby a child doesn't just decide hey I'm going to make this ladies life hell...in fact she probs isn't even thinking this way at all. The fact the kid is clingy is most Likly because he/she picks up on the bad vibes coming from your sorry asses. Evil bitches so cruel. Disgusting actually absolutely disgusting.

-Okay so my story is the same as you guys. I knew my hubby had a daughter (who was 2 when we got together) She is now 4 , well we ended up pregnant in Oct & Had Our daughter In June... When we finally got to come home , my hubby went right back to work and that was okay but on his first day off since we had her home he had to Go Get his daughter (Well she fell on my baby at a week old , I didnt smack her or anything but I DID Yell (Nor did i tell my hubby) But i went off on her , Because i just told her where she was and not to go Near her and what did she do as soon as i turned my fucking back fell on her! So that started it (From that day on i CANT STAND HER & She`s nothing but a brat and messes up my home when she is her , cries in the middle of the night just to keep us up til after midnight.. And Im so over hearing well Mommy doesnt do that or this or blah blah blah! I asked my hubby if he would think about moving to another state to get away and Just have our FAMILY. & he said you only want that to get me away from my other daughter and i agreed to it because im not lying to him. But it really is different then how it was with just her and not having my own child. I cant stand her mother (Her & I fight weekly and she had the guts to ask if MY DAUGHTER WAS HIS?! Uhm now this woman cheated on him 5 times in a 4 year marriage let alone i DOnt think his daughter is his. But a (DNA TEST) is not something i want to bring up to him. But it would be nice to know the truth so i could just kick her out of my life for good. And just have MY FAMILY NOT THAT LIL BRAT. & His mom is so pushy with wanting him to spend time with her and what not and i just want to SCREAM. We have her maybe 6 days out of a month and i think thats to much , And you can tell the way she looks at me that she knows i cant stand her. Everytime im around she cries or wants daddy. Im over it. But one thing i can agree with is that she does love my daughter but i think thats an act. Just to please everyone.

You people supporting this lady are sick.

You better hope your husband never leaves you and YOUR poor kid ends up stuck with a bitch like you for a stepmom. Poor baby.

whether you like it or not she is your sons sister . she is not your daughter , or even related to you . you do not have to like her . you do have to treat her as your sons sister . what are you going to tell your son when he asks why you treat his sister badly ? you are supposed to be the adult . if it makes you sick to hear them called brother and sister then you should have had your son with someone else .

I can't believe what i have read on here. My boyfriends daughter comes to us every weds after school and every other weekend. She was 3 years old when I first met her. She hated me because her mother filled her head that I was evil, stole daddy and all the rest of it. Do you know i was strong and mature enough not to say anything bad about her mum and never have to this day. The bad comments to her daughter stopped after about a two years. She has the occassional flare up but nothing too serious and nothing i feel i can't handle. Firstly I have decided not to have children with my partner, partly due to the fact i know how much it would upset his daughter - THEY ARE CHILDREN!!! They do not have a mature mind to think like us and yes they can be manipulative, jealous, mean, sulky - they can also be very loving, happy, accepting children but you have to give them the chance to do this. you have to explain things over and over because they don't know. It will not be ok overnight. These kids are harbouring SO much hurt - you have to understand that to be a good step parent and always always try to put yourself in their position, think how they would feel!

I have been with my boyfriend now for 5 years, i am 36 years old. There will be times when you question yourself if it's worth it, to me it is because my boyfriend is lovely and i am accepting that he came with children. People have a job with their own children, but there is a blood bond from birth so they are able to accept and forgive more bad behaviour than step parents. I will never give up trying my utmost to ensure my stepdaughter is as happy as she can be, given the fact that she partly lost her daddy! half her world and security has gone, she is vunerable and scared. If any of you were decent humans you would recognise this and try to help these poor kids, not dismiss them as used goods who only get in the way of your happiness. I am happy, it is hard work but i am happy and see the results being paid off for my efforts slowly. Even if she turns out when she is an adult to hate me at least i know that i will have done my best and thats all that i can do.

Good look to decent step mothers and fathers - it isn't an easy task. You only get out what you put in.

OK for starters... I raised another mans children.. his oldest was 7 and the younger was 5 and there was 2 different baby mama's... I got pregnant with my own child and I wanted the girls around even more. me and the girls father is divorced and the girls still call me mom and we still see eachother and talk to eachother. you know what you can hate a kid all you want but you know what if your husband hadn't stuck his thing in someone else you wouldnt have to deal with it now would you. and if he was truely the father he needed to be then he would be there all the time and not just on weekends... and let me tell you what else... what the heck makes you think you and your kids are any better then those women and those kids?!?! how do you know that the other woman and other kids dont think that way about you and yours.. if he could end up with the likes of you he can run around and find someone better... get over yourself!

Whoever wants to talk sht and judge, judge yourselves. You do not know what something is like until you've had to live it. If you are a child that had a horrible step parent, ask yourself why. Maybe you were trying to manipulate, cause arguments, make competition between your biological parent and step parent, almost always, regardless of the age the step kid brings some kind of drama. I disagree 100% with mistreating an innocent child, but the fact is that if that child is causing that many issues in your marriage something is wrong. If you cannot find it within yourself to have peace while the child visits, or like in my case, the visits turn into a full time thing that you simply cannot take, leave now. It is better for your own child to leave, than to be raised in constant competition with a child that came before him or her.

When I met my husband he claimed he didn't love his daughter. She was the product of a drunken 2 month relationship with a whore. He claimed he was trying to do the right thing by seeing her every once in a while and sending her money. He sounded honest and i commended him for it and for manning up to his responsibilities since he made that child. But i knew we could never go anywhere and i told him. He chased me relentlessly. He vowed that she would never live with us and that her mother or her would never cause issues in our relationship or marriage. He made all these promises because I would not let our relationship go further because of the fact that he had a kid. It was my cardinal rule. I knew what I wanted, what I didn't want, and I was very clear. Before I knew it, the ex was making more and more bad decisions, quitting her job, getting evicted, and we were driving 7 hours each time to pick up the little girl because she couldnt take care of her. Fast forward 4 years, the little girl is 5 and claims the ex's new hubby molested her. I believe her, but it has destroyed our marriage. She has used it to manipulate her father to the point where I had to move me and my son out of the house. I caught her dry humping my sons leg and her privates were wet. I feel sorry for her, but she is lost. When I see her at school when i go to drop off my son, she tells me " dad and I did this, but not your son because he doesn't live with daddy anymore only I do. Daddy likes to live with me only. We do so much funstuff without your son" she goes on and on doing things like this about when she sees her grandmother on hubby's side, etc. she's 5 and she is evil. She has caused issues since day one and even though I have taken care of her and loved her better than my own husband, it has bitten me and my son in the ass.
Point of the story, if you resent your step child, you need to figure out why because odds are it won't end well for anyone. If you're lucky, you're husband will understand the hierarchy of a things without having to make the child feel left out while giving you and yours the place that's rightfully yours. If you're like me, you're SOL.

SHOCKED but not surprised!

and for every one who understands what your going through... whose going to understand what SHE is going through??? :'(

i want to be non judgemental on your story and just so you know i know what toddlers are like and how annoying and crazy they can be. but they can also be the greatest gifts on earth . they how you trear them. i come from a situation like your step daughter. it has taken years of therapy to even come close to healing the pain my step mother and my dad for letting it happen inflicted on me. it was the little things that really made a difference... like the lack of pictrures of me with my father and my "family" and the way she would cringe every time i called my dad "dad" and my step brother my baby brother and how every time i went to my dads house it was obvious how (like in your situation) i was a guest not a member of the family. i hope you can mask your true feelings for her sake because trust me even though you may not think you are inflincting damage... you are. i loved and adored my father and it pushed my step mothers buttions to see a father love his daughter. just consider yourself very lucky because she sounds like a particularly well behaved three year old and you have an amazing opportunity to have a great influence in her life. if you never learn fto accept her then you might as well get her into therapy now because she will have the pain of losing the relationship she has with her father as i did and girls really do need a father. please put yourself in her shoes. the shoes of a child who is hated for doing absolutely nothing! being hsted for being BORN!

I really need some advice. My husband has a little girl from a previous relationship. I used to love it when she came over to visit. As she got older and my little girl got older, My stepdaughter started to get jealous and started acting out. I then became pregnant with my son and (my daughter was one and stepdaughter was 2) My stepdaughter was excited. She wanted her mom to have a baby. Her mom has met someone who she is now calling "Daddy" even though her biological daddy hasnt left the picture. I watch all 3 kids full time. My stepdaughter has become so mean to her brother and sister. She always takes things from them when they are playing with it, she says things that a 3 year old shouldnt be saying like "f you" or "your dead". Its difficult. She teaches things to my kids that they didnt know. My stepdaughter knows a lot about things that she shouldnt know about. She can be extremely protective of her siblings, but there is a jealous side to her. My daughter was in her dora tent and My stepdaughter jumped on top of it when she was in there! She tells my kids to clean up messes that she made. When my husband is home, there is no way I can have a convo with him. His daughter just keeps interrupting saying that she wants him. I understand she has a tough situation, but I have tried with her. I notice that we are both pulling away now. It bothers my husband. But it kills me when my kids come up to me and say that their sister has been mean to them. Please, what can I do? I love my stepdaughter, but things need to change! HELP!

I admitt, if I wasn't in a situation similar to you, I would be saying " ur a mean bitch" . But I am. I have a 4 year old step son who before I was pregnant, I got along with great with him. But becoming a new mother is a very exciting thing and we want the full experience. I do not think that is selfish one bit. toddlers are fricken hard to deal with on a good day and being pregnant on top of it mixed with the hormones and the new changes in ur life is a lot to handle.they aren't our children. It's not up to us. I feel he is taking away the specialty of this first pregnancy . I hope it changes after but right now I do not love him. Toddlers are brats. I love my nieces but that's family.and hey arent with me 10 dy out of the month being cling to my h . Trust me I've tried to have a connection with Ss but he's annoying and a bad listener and it's not my job to teach him how to be polite . My h has all the love in the world for him so I put up with it and try my best but m very disappointed that I ended up in this situation. You can't choose who u love. But to all of us in this sitatation I feel for ya and wish there was a solution I know all of us wish that we could just have unconditional love to hand out but we don't and it doesn't make usbad people or parents

This post is VERY similar to mine. I have very understanding fiance also. It really is comforting knowing that these feelings are common.

Cont too long!

I honestly believe if you find a way to get your resentment under control, a lot of the issues you have now will just disappear. Resentment by its nature creates more resentment. As for the will, why do you have to leave her anything? It is my opinion that kids should only inherit from their biological parents, unless you want to of course. Assuming her mother has also repartnered, she would in that case get four inheritances where your children would only get two. This is a common problem and I'm sure a lawyer would have ideas how to handle it.

I know you say that your husband is understanding, but what is he doing to help the situation? Is he making sure that the weekends you have just the three of you are special? Is he telling his daughter to play with her own toys? Is he encouraging her to be less clingy? Is he looking for a day job so you have more time together? Or is he just essentially saying: 'I understand but I'm not willing to make an effort to do anything to change this situation. You have to change to suit me. You have to change how you feel about my daughter to make this work'.

I say this because a big factor in me overcoming my resentment for my step daughter was recognising the part my husband was playing. He never set any consequences for bad behaviour, didn't pull her up on bad manners, let her leave her mess all around the house, gave her what ever she wanted if she cryed. Its easy to not like a kid who's a rude, messy little you-know-what. But who's fault is that?

Research in to step families shows it takes 5 (or is it 7?) to 12 years for a step family to work through all the rubbish and start 'working'. I am no where near there yet. My advise to any step mother is to read 'Stepmoster' by Wednesday Martin. I cryed reading it just because it so nice to see someone who understood without being judgemental (she's a stepmother herself).

Good luck to you and all other step mothers out there. Remember to be kind to yourself. xxx

I had a step mother just like this who hated me for no reason right from the day I was born. Im glad im nothing like eithet of you. I have 3 step children 18 year old male, 10 year old female and and 8 year old boy as well as the 16month old son we have together. I love them all as if they were my own.

I know we're talking about living and breathing but caring is sharing. It may be hard because she's not your biological daughter, but she's a child, and you should accept her and care for her, she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, she prbably wants to fit in. It's like parents who adopt a child; they adopt because they love, right? They don't do it just to shun her. It's a child we're talking about, a human! What if it were you or your child? You would want to be/want to care for, right? So, just put yourself or your child in her shoes. She's a child, she doesn't know.

:(

the poor girl

while the post made me all sad.

ilovemyfamily's story actually made me smile.

I am surprised you're taking it as good as you are!
dont worry honey, i'll stand up to the rest of these stupid a$$ people with you and defend you, because *I KNOW* how you feel!!!! i would give ANYTHING for my husband to forget about the daughter he had with his sl*tty little ex-girlfriend! i wish that b*tch would've lost the baby or better yet, never been able to get pregnant by him! i want my husband all to my self, and i want him with me and (when / if we have one) OUR baby! i know exactly how u feel!!!!

Okay people are immature yes u love ur son but not liking the little girl is normal because she is not YOURS...u just got to give it time and learn to live her as ur own and wen she was staring at u and ur son that night she was Prolly wishing u lived and held her like that she just wants ur love and approval u have to remember that she ur stepdaughter and she needs ur love caring support to ull get use to her just show her that u live her....ur the one she looks up to ur resenting her and she most likely feels that negative energy from u just show her live and compassion

YOU ARE AN EVIL STEPMOTHER. She was with your husband FIRST mind you- YOU are the outsider because she already had him for herself.

You don't think of her as your daughter and I hope when your old and shitting on yourself and your son is off in another country with his wife (SONS LEAVE DAUGHTERS STAY) that she won't see you as her family either and lets you sit in your mess.

Karma is a bitch.

reading all of the comments of your supporters above makes me realize there are a ton of wacko women out there. i have a daughter and i met my husband when she was 3 and he treats her like his own. my husband and i have 2 sons together and both times he was thrilled to bring my daughter to the hospital to meet her little brothers. this might just be an issue with the woman here telling their stories here.

Those children BOTH deserve to be brought up with love and kindness. People like you and the rest of the moms that hate their step kids are the reason people grow up to be dysfunctional people. There is not a three year old on the planet that does not deserve the love and respect of every adult in her life. If you treat this child like shit you are going to teach your precious son to treat people like shit. Have some compassion.

-.-o for gods sake you allwho hate ur hubby's kids shouldnt have kids of your own and you shouldnt have the guy your with--they can get better your all bishes