Dealing with social anxiety alone

After dealing with social anxiety for about 5 years i have come to realise the most important way to help yourself is to accept and understand your irrational behaviours. I first realised there was something not quite right when i began to get panic attacks in social situations, sweaty palms, rashes on my chest, the whole thing. At 14 I couldnt understand what was happening to my mind, and unfortunately discovered alcohol. In SECONDARY school i was drinking atleast 4 out of five days a week secretly to make myself feel more confident. By the time i was 16 i had developed a fear of being sick as the amount i was drinking made me wake up at night feeling ill, this fear was irrational but i couldnt help how bad it got. I began to scratch at my body when i felt sick so badly that i now have scars, this fear created more panic attacks and more anxiety. By the time college came around the corner i was not ready. Not atall. I left after 3 months of what i thought at the time was my worst nighmare. Still not understanding what was happening to me i went to see a doctor, who then referred me to a councillor. I was never honest about any of my problems to anyone, including the councillor, therefore it seemed to be a waste of time and did not help me. I was prescribed an anti anxiety called propanalol which helped a bit at first, i was taking 6 pills a day and so it started to make no difference. The next few months were up and down me trying to go to different colleges and trying to find new jobs, this helped me to gain some confidence, doing something a bit different. I still feel emotions far too strongly and stupidly still do not speak with people about my problems as i feel ashamed, but i am better. I sleep at night now. I have moved on from hurting myself and try extremely hard to rationalise every situation that makes me feel angry/jealous/upset because im sure 90% of the time my thoughts are not correct. I was brought up by a depressed mother who unfortunatley rested all her problems onto her kids and refused to help herself, this was between the ages of about 11-14 and so i had no understanding of what was really going on and how this has affected me, this changed my life but i am moving past that. I am changing myself for myself and trying to become a stronger person. The realisation that no one is perfect and everyone has shit to deal with helped me, along with the realisation that the majority of my thoughts were coming from the anxiety monster in my head and meant nothing really.