Depressed about college and life

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11 Comments

I'm going to graduate college this year. But I was supposed to graduate in 2012, it took me 6 years instead of 4. And I'm graduating with a terrible GPA, 2.8 and I don't have any jobs or anything lined up right now. My life just feels so pointless.

My entire time at college has been a disaster. I have social anxiety so it's hard for me to interact with people or ask for help when I need it. I didn't have any friends, I didn't get any internships or job experience. I also completely abused the freedom I had in college compared to high school. In school everything is regimented and they try to make you disciplined by making you go to class and have a structured lifestyle. In college nobody really gives a @#$% because they treat you as an adult and they assume you will assume responsibility for your actions.

As a result I ended up usually never attending class and staying in my room watching porn, playing games, or doing anything except studying. My parents paid most of the undergrad tuition so I don't have any loans to pay back. But I'm not getting a job anytime soon so I would be pretty fucked if they didn't do that.

I failed a ton of classes. First semester wasn't that bad, I failed one class with B's in everything else. But then it got progressively worse. I got an F and all C's the next semester. At this point I probably needed psychological help. I knew I had to buckle down and study but couldn't force myself to do it. Another thing was I had no direction in life. I really did not know what I wanted to major in so I ended up taking a bunch of classes I had no interest in. My dad would even tell me what classes to register for.

After that I failed at least one class every semester. 1 F, 2C's, 1 B. Then an F, a D, a C, and a B. At one point I was on probation and about to be dismissed from college, that was the semester I got 3 F's and a D. That was an all time low for me.

That's when I knew I had to turn around. Right after that disaster I took a class in the summer and got an A, the first A I had gotten in a long time. That kept me in college for the time being because it brought my cumulative GPA over a 2.0

The two semesters after I was on the Dean's list, with 3 B+'s and an A in each. The next summer I took a class and got an A again. My parents were happy I'd turned myself around. Then I'm not exactly sure what happened, probably a combination of higher level classes getting harder and me losing focus/getting lazier, as my grades dropped slightly. Not as badly as before though. After that 3 B+'s and a B. Then 2 B+'s and 2 B's. Then a C (tough class), 2 B's and a B+.

The final semester (this one right now) I only need 2 more classes to graduate, but my GPA is an abysmal 2.8. The classes I'm taking right now are extremely tough and I'd be happy to get C's in both. I managed to turn myself around, but it took me 6 years instead of 4, wasted more of my parents' money, and I don't have any job prospects lined up. Since I can't get any jobs I've been applying to graduate school hoping I can at least find something to do to get my life back on track.

I don't really know why I'm typing this, maybe looking for some motivation. I will say one thing though, it may be cliche but time flies. If you don't look where you're going you're not going to get anywhere at all. That's what happened to me. I couldn't find myself or know who I was.

Then reality slaps you real hard in the face. My major was economics but to be sure I wish I could have done something else that has more demand like engineering or computer science. Because in the first couple of semesters the only classes I did well in were math (calc 1/2...3 was tough). Sure I failed the programming class but I would've passed if I took it again. And I did fail biology but I almost got an A in astronomy. I do really like science. Truth be told, no matter how much of a jerk or badass I tried to act in the early years of college, I really do feel that I am a nerd at heart. I just wish I couldn't embraced that more and been comfortable in my own skin rather than trying to be someone I'm not.

Thanks for reading

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Comments ( 11 )
  • Anime7
    10 years ago

    If you want motivation man then you have to believe in yourself. I don't have any answers on how to fix a person's life. Wanting and doing are two very different things. Ioncecamywaytoohard is right about finding something that you're passionate about but I think we all feel at times that what we trained for isn't always something that makes us happy. You sound like you want to do well in your classes, well learn from your mistakes. Try harder next time, study more on your classes. Yeah being on your own can suck but you know what life's a bitch so bend it over a table!

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    It seems like you never really wanted to go to college in the first place. So many people end up going to college or doing things in their lives just because they felt like that is what they have to do. Maybe you should think about what motivated you to go to college in the first place. Was it because you truly wanted to learn and find a career path? Or was it because people around you made you feel like you were obligated to attend? Just find out what you truly want in life and do it. But don't do things because everyone else you know is doing them. You could end up missing out on a lot of opportunities that you never knew existed for you before.

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    • Anime7
      10 years ago

      To be honest, a college degree is pretty much required in the American workforce. I'm not the OP but I sympathize with him. Whether you want to go or not doesn't really matter because unless you're some sort of genius, like Mark Zuckerberg, you're not going to make it in America. Personally I don't want to go to college, but I know that in order to have the life that I want my future self to have I need a college degree, thus I'm forced to go to put myself in debt for an "education" that might not even get me a job with a livable wage.

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      • SvenTheBold
        10 years ago

        As a person who grew up in a poor household, I assure you; your expectations are skewed if you think Zuckerberg has merely "made it." Mark Zuckerberg is the 20th richest person in the richest nation on the planet. NO S*** you're not gonna make it like Zuckerberg; Ninety-nine point nine nine nine nine percent of us aren't going to make it like Zuckerberg.

        But if all you want a livable wage, all you have to do is move to where the jobs are. If I remember right, North Dakota and Utah have the current lowest joblessness rates; if you don't expect something fancy, just a reasonable internet connection, a house in town, a TV, money to pay the bills regularly, a gaming console, groceries, and occasionally enough left over to drink at a bar and meet potential love interests once in a while, you can do just fine for yourself in America. The problem with America is that everybody wants an apartment in the rich city, so they can live a rich lifestyle with rich friends; and you're right, that's a rat race no one really ends up winning, only escaping to.

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        • Anime7
          10 years ago

          Honestly I grew up in a poor household as well. When I brought up Zuckerberg, I was meaning that he dropped out of college and was smart enough to actually get away with that decision. Starting his own company and in the process becoming a billionaire. Not many people can do that.

          Rich isn't what I'm after, however, I still have to go to college in order to get a job that pays $20 an hour. I feel like not too many actually aim for being rich in America, if they did then I would imagine our economy wouldn't be so bad since then you have a lot of people starting their own businesses.

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  • notthecenteroftheuniverse
    10 years ago

    I live in Boston. A city covered in college grads in every which way with taxi drivers that have high degrees from other countries. My dad has a PhD. My mom has an M.Ed. My brother goes to Harvard. I felt a shitload of pressure to go to college when I graduated high school.

    But I ended up dropping out after two years. Failed so hard and I'm still mourning it today. And I can very much relate.

    Try not to look at how long the degree took for you. And even if the GPA isn't optimal, there are always skills that people can dig up. I beat two Master's recipients who were interning at the company I currently work at (no degree) at their own game. Alone. Practical skills ultimately beat theory.

    Things will look up eventually!

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  • GreatArt
    10 years ago

    Don't waste your time on the entertainment crap dude, it just wastes valuable time. You need to get out, get motivated. Find something that inspires you, even a mentor.

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  • Shiroyasha
    10 years ago

    The only thing that I can tell you is that... college is not for everyone. Or at least, it is not something you necessarily need to do right away. You gained motivation on these last years, which is quite good. Maybe you can start over or try to get a master with this new-found confidence and ambition.

    Your post really touched me, because I felt similar when I was finishing college as well. You should feel happy that you were able to turn around things in the end. Some people are never able to do so.

    My final recommendation would be to work more on your social skills. You will need it for your professional life someday... and you will also enjoy more college when you have more friends :D.

    Thanks for the good read! Good luck!

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Yes, cathartic is the right word. I have read that before but couldn't recall it here. That is a good point that one will basically stay the same person one was in high school, unless really trying to become different. I have toughened up since getting to college, but I'm still essentially the same person.
    I hope you find (have found?) something that makes you happy (as you said is important) and the direction that you are looking for (:.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Okay, WOW. I relate to a lot of this, even though I'm only a freshman in college. The part about how time flies. Yes, it does... I am starting 2nd semester and still only have one friend, who I haven't even seen since I got back from winter break. What scares me is that the hours I spend on my laptop alone in my dorm room I will never get back. I do study a lot and it has paid off yet I constantly feel like an idiot who will never amount to anything.
    You say you could have taken engineering or CS, even though you did something else? Good for you. I mean it. I wish I were half as intelligent as someone who is able to succeed in those subjects. Also, you say you are a nerd at heart. Again, good for you. I wish I had the faintest clue of what the &%$# I am at heart.
    I relate to not knowing why you type out many long paragraphs about your life. I have found that it is somehow self-soothing (not sure if that's the right word).
    Good luck and feel free to reply.

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    • Mersaphe
      10 years ago

      Thanks I really appreciate your comment.

      btw here's a better word for self-soothing:
      'cathartic' (meaning liberating + therapeutic)

      I will say this...the person you are/were in high school carries over to college and beyond. Yes people do change but it takes conscious effort. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person than I am today. I had a rough time in high school (got bullied, no friends, bad academics, and low self esteem). That didn't magically go away when I went to college. In fact it's still not gone. Life is just a big domino effect.

      Also, nostalgia is bittersweet. When I was in high school I kept remembering my times in middle school and elementary. When I went to college I kept thinking about high school. Now that I'm out of college I reflect back on it with regret. People usually say things like "I don't regret anything, all my experiences even the negative ones made me a stronger person". But that's sometimes a cover up for their past failures.

      It's important to have goals. I didn't and that is why I wandered around aimlessly without any direction in my life for a long time. I kept doing things that other people wanted/expected me to do. That didn't bring me happiness because it wasn't what I really wanted, and that led to lack of motivation.

      Keep your head high. You might not who you are today, or tomorrow, or next year. But if you find something that makes you happy and you keep doing it, that's what will make all the difference in the end.

      Good Luck, all the best =))

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