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do cheaters even care they cheat on you? why do they say they won’t cheat again and then jump at the next second they have to go behind your back and do things they know you wouldn’t like?
are they sociopaths? narcissists? how can someone sleep at night knowing they would be hurting the other person and risk loosing the relationship over
Here we go again, the same girl who is too kind to break up with her boyfriend, who cheated through Bumble. I hope, that you will finally understand, that your boyfriend is just a scumbag, who will not change for you.
End it and save your good heart & time for someone who is worthy.
And answer to your question, it really depends, no one is really the same and there are definitely cheaters who care and feel bad about it, but I would understand them only if it happens once and when they are drunk/high. The other group of cheaters probably doesn't really care too much about you, they take relationships like a game and they will always try to cheat you because they are so arrogant and think, that you will not see trough it.
You can trust a cheater. You can always trust a cheater to cheat again, and again. They are what they are, and they don't usually change.
Cheaters are gonna cheat. Do yourself a favor and find someone new. They're not gonna change no matter what you do. Move on.
if i confront him with evidence do you think he will try to get me to stay? or if i try to break up with him will he try to win me back?
Love is a drug little one and it's damn hard to quit. Trust me on this though. You deserve someone who is faithful period. As hard as it is, and believe I know the pain, it will never work with a cheater.
Are you delusional? You clearly love him and it's hard to tell yourself the truth, but it's not worth it in the long-term. How old are you, that you don't see it?
i’m 22 he’s 24. i am probably delusional it’s just hard. i really want it to work and i believe he does love me. he’s just depressed and is acting out perhaps
I feel so bad for you. I've been here. It's so horrible. It's almost as bad as someone you love dying.
Whether or not he loves you depends on your definition of love. He might would go out of his way to help you with some things (just not this). He would probably cry if you died. He might even occasionally plan something just to make you smile.
If your definition includes not wanting to cheat on you and unwillingness to put you through one of the worst feelings of your entire life for mere fun on his part (which isn't a lot to ask), then no, he doesn't.
Situations warrant you keep tab on cheating spouse when you feel they are been shady lately, exhibit new attitude and characters etc. They no longer care at home, come home late nights and being clingy to their phone that’s a sign of cheating. In my own case, I was able to catch my cheating wife in her way when I employed the services Webhubghost at gmail.. Who gave me access to all her texts, calls and many more there I could get vivid proofs to confront which she couldn’t deny. This info really helped our home, are you in need of a similar help don’t hesitate to write Ben. Give this a try
If they care depends why they cheat. If they cheat I think likely there is something missing in your relationship or else your relationship lost something it initially had. I believe most cheating could be avoided if couples were upfront with each other. I think cheating is 100% a communication issue. Since in any case you could bring up to your partner the problems, explain your feelings or just break up with them.
Reason A. Your relationship is missing something or lost something recently. Like say your partner has a higher sex drive. Maybe your partner is kinky and you are not. Maybe your partner is bisexual and wants to have both. Maybe your partner wants to try a threesome but you not down. See there could be a lot of issues but one or both partners are obviously not able to bring the issue up.
Reason B. You are a cover up. In some cases and I can say 100% I am guilty of this. People will date others as a cover up. I tend to be a bit clinical in mindset and people find my behavior odd. I am apparently very charming though. So I would date because it made me appear normal to the public. Of course I did everything to keep my partner happy because I needed them for appearance sake. Others however could be covering up they are gay or into some kinky stuff and so go looking for something on the side.
Reason C.
They just want sex or something casual but not SMART enough to tell you. I say NOT SMART enough because someone with a brain would be upfront about this apposed to stringing someone along and wasting their time.
Reason D.
They are a narssist and just want you as a trophy. But you know again this could be avoided if they would just be like "Hey! I want you for this reason" since you know some people might be into that.
Reason E.
They are NOT MEANT to be minogomous. This is not to say some people cant but some people either like the freedom of being with different people or just like the idea of a poly relationship. People like this enjoy threesomes, poly relationships, open relationships and swinging.
AGAIN THOUGH
100% of this could be avoided if you just communicate with your partner.
i always communicate and always do the things my boyfriend wants to do. i have a very high sex drive and could have sex multiple times a day. my boyfriend was once like this, but now it’s not so much because he “doesn’t like the way he looks” and he’s “depressed” but he’s cheating.. and looking at other women. so i don’t really know what this could mean
You are missing the point. That is not how a relationship works. A relationship has more than one person. If one person is communicating but the other refuses to than its not going to work. Point is he is not communicating with YOU, not the other way around.
I don’t understand you. You made plenty of post venting about your situation and everyone told you he will cheat again, to leave him, and that he doesn’t care about your feelings. But here you are still here posting about him, which gives the easy assumption you haven’t ended it. It’s obvious to see you love him. I see that. But if you aren’t here to listen to people when they give you their genuine opinions that you asked for, then what are you looking for? Validation to stay with him? Actual advice? Because we gave you that and you clearly don’t listen. Like what are you looking for?
i know. but i feel as though my different posts are talking about something different each time, and i’d just like more imput on the subject
Yes something different but the subject is always cheating. How many times have you caught him cheating?
twice. haven’t confronted him about finding his bumble page. he says it happened one time but it was more than that
Oh girl. Two and turn to three and then four and so on. Do you really wanna stay with him? Even if you give him a chance, if he keeps cheating that hurt you get could affect you. You can become toxic or just incredibly insecure and have low self esteem. Everyone is different but when it comes to dating toxic people, we get affected and the results aren’t ever good.
No, they do not.
If one cared they wouldn't cheat, simple as that. Temptation exists always, that doesn't mean you are forced to give into it. You're a pretty disturbed human being if you posess 0 self control or empathy.
There's a real easy solution for if you want to sleaze around - be single. Or have a fwb or look for someone who is poly.
Many cheaters simply enjoy the sneaking around or have no self confidence so they're desperate for validation 24/7 and then they don't feel bad because in their minds they needed that validation. It's pathetic
I'm not sure if they're 100% sociopathic every single time but I think they are as far as cheating goes. They just don't think it should be a big deal. They also somehow don't think they're going to get caught and feel what you don't know won't hurt you. As far as if you don't find out, they're 100% sociopathic.
I have a lot of experience with cheaters.
i understand that.
in your experience when cheaters are confronted with evidence how do they react? / do they try to get you stay?
Yes. How they go about it depends on if they think you'll actually leave them or not. Usually they think you might and they beg, cry, and even sometimes resort to drastic measures like self-harm to convince you to stay. You think there's no way someone so seemingly sorry could do it again but they do it again every single time.
When you bring up how sorry they said they were the first time after catching them again they usually cry things like, "I know. I'm really a piece of shit!"
Sadly, this is the only part that's true, but they're only saying it in hopes that you'll baby them and feel sorry for them for saying such mean things about themselves, even though it's frankly just the truth, although they don't really believe they are that bad at all and expect you to react like they aren't.
It's almost like they try to turn the whole thing into something to pity them over instead of letting you be sad.
First group;Some don't care at all.
Second group; Some do care; but have not learned to control their behavior, or there are other factors.
In some cases their are other things influencing their behavior. Example (and this is a true story): A female Olympic Athlete was put on a drug with a known side effect of hyper-sexuality. She started being a call-girl and escort to satisfy her sexual needs, as her husband could not. The husband knew about it and was at a loss on what to do. Eventually, they got her off of that drug, and she reverted to normal - and was really sorry for the mess she had created for herself and family while under the influence of that medication - which included the press busting her and publicizing her activities. However a good thing about that was that it was the key item that helped her family to get her off of that medication.
I also believe that the Dr who prescribed that drug for her was run through the state medical license board for discipline for using that medication without monitoring her and changing medications when she was starting to feel hyper-sexual).
A lessor (and more common example): I underwent minor outpatient surgury which required fairly heavy drugs to narcotics to put me under and control the pain. When I was coming out of that I got up and danced with the nurse.
My wife was there and was horrified... Why didn't I dance with her? The nurses told her that don't worry or be offended - that my dancing reaction was the best possible way for me to come out of those drugs. My wife grudgingly backed down - a bit; but, continued to remind me for years..
Now my wife works part time in a hospital. She has seen all the ways people come out of that kind of anesthesia; and really understands the truth of what the nurses told her that day. Now she is very happy that I danced with a nurse coming out of it.
Finally, people who end up in survival situations (which could be fairly short duration if trapped in a collapsing or burning building) often engage in sex with someone helping them. Very instinctive. Take the survival situation away and they never would have done it. MY advice: Just forgive these situations. They are alive and well. You cannot predict what "rocks" will appear in your future. Are you in a relationship just for sex - or for other reasons. I married my wife for all kinds of reasons - and sex was fairly low on that list (if not on the bottom of the list). There was no reason to get married if if was just about sex (which we were having).
The Third group; is that some people also realize at some point that they made a very big mistake and change their behavior in the future, and dramatically change.
I have no idea which group your friend fits into.
I did not say that.
1st, I did not know that you were the lady who posted the other thread.
I would not forgive someone in my 1st group. They won't stop.
The 2nd group - that's a situational thing. Is this a one time or rare situation - or a continuous situation. Which is more likely? I'd suggest learning to accept and move on for one time or rare situations. Relationships are about working out issues and problems, not about not having any.
I'd not suggest the same for relatively continuous situations; although, there may be unusual situations where its worth putting up with it.
Based on your descriptions, I don't believe he is yet reached the maturity to qualify for my 3rd group. Of course, you can usually forgive someone who truly realizes that they messed up and are willing to really change for the future.
What I can say now that I know that you are linked with the other tread.... You're not happy, and you don't see his condition changing for the better in the future. It's likely time to move on and find either a better match for your morals or a more mature individual that can admit their past mistakes and build from there.
I wish you well with this,
They're not some subhuman group. Of course many of them care. Their priorities are just immoral.
There's so much that can be said on the topic of cheaters and why they do it but nothing will change what your response should be towards someone that cheats on you.
By the way, your repeated questions are fine. You're going through a lot and you're asking about different aspects to help you make a big decision for you. I can't think of the site being better used than for that sort of thing.