Do you want a prize or a punishment?

You are now the most beloved person among the people of Kiribati. If you ever visit the country, you'll be treated like royalty. People from there send you gifts in the mail every day too

You get a booty that just won't quit

You're sitting on a bench at the park and you feel a hand resting on your shoulder. You turn around and it's Patrick Stewart with tears running down his face. With a defeated tone, he tells you "I had so much hope for you. Where did it all go wrong?"

Lol

You discovered the secrets of alchemy and can now turn any matter into whatever you want. It's not instantaneous though. You gotta do like science and stuff, otherwise it's a little overpowered

You get tied by the ankles to the end of a windmill propeller blade and spun violently until you mummify in the wind

You have to pronounce your IIN username in a meeting before the United Nations. If you mess up, you'll be executed

You gain perfect night vision. The unfortunate side effect to this is that now you have to buy blackout curtains for your bedroom

Your self-doubt is fastened into a clamp and slowly tightened over the course of 3 days. As it tightens and you become numb to the pain, you experience a violent yanking on each of your limbs, causing your crushed self-doubt to get irreversibly mangled until it's completely useless as an appendage. Without emergency medical care, it slowly festers and rots, shriveling away until the gory remains are eaten by cockroaches and rats. You come out of the experience more confident and empowered than you've ever felt before. Later on, your dick gets shot off by a harpoon laced with Ebola

Regardless of whatever you're wearing, it always feels like you're wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! ...Nothing at all!

You can breathe underwater. Breathing under salt water makes you thirsty though, so bring some fresh water in a container with you

Your knees now bend backwards. It doesn't cause you any pain, you just look like a jackass when you walk

The James Webb telescope discovers a planet containing sentient life. It's on that planet that you find who asked

Yo momma so fat she's classified as an invasive species

You're sitting on a bench at the park and you feel a hand resting on your shoulder. You turn around and it's Patrick Stewart with an affectionate smile on his face. With a tone of deep respect, and even pride, he tells you "Look at you. I couldn't be more proud of who you've become"

I'm two weeks late with this one. Sorry about that

The Lusty Argonian Maid gets made into a wildly successful HBO series and you get royalties for each episode that airs

You get a free breast implant. Only one

The US government decides to mint a 100,000 bill. You get to choose whose face goes on it and as a thank you for doing so, you'll be gifted the first bill printed

You get sentenced to 10 years in prison. During your incarceration, you learn that you have the ability to control people with your mind

You're transported to an unending series of liminal spaces with tornadoes that are harmless to you

You get a 12-foot long metal pole shoved up your rectum and propped up like a scarecrow in the blazing temperatures of Phoenix, AZ during a heat wave

You get locked in an unfurnished concrete room. At random intervals, a set of stadium lights will turn on accompanied by a painfully loud horn and streams of ice cold water spraying you so that you can't fall asleep or even rest