Dogs are okay, but

Dogs are okay, I guess. I would prefer it if they had the modesty to wear pants but that is not enough to start any major grudge.

If anything would stir a real quarrel it would be in the area of their manners. I wish they had the manners to shut up at night while we are trying to sleep.

Take this transcript of a recent conversation among a few neighborhood dogs.

One of Them: Max! What's going down tonight? What’s up fam! What’s going down there in da hood?

Another One: Snoop! Out here we are balling! It’s lit af! Dude, we're here chewing on dem bones just. Ballin' after ballin'. Fall in, dude.

Original Dog: Dude, for real?

Other Dog: Forreal, son!

Original Dog: Like. Furreal, dawg?

Other Dog: Furreyoreeyo!

I can hear all this from my house that is, according to the sonar app on my phone, half a kilometer from both parties.

Intermittently, as Snoop makes his way to the venue of the feast he will yell out updates of his progress.

Snoop: Max! Eh, you're still there? I’m round the mango tree, with squad. They want in.

Max: Pull up, pull up! Dude, we are out here partying like human celebs! Puuuullluuuup!

That is when another dog joins the conversation.

New Dog: Snoop, where are you? You're going to Max's party? You fox! You can’t even holla?

Snoop: What do you mean? What do you call all this noise we are making if not hollering?

Max: And who is that? Dude, who invited you?

New Dog: Don't mess with me, you sons of bitches. You know it’s me, Doglas.

This is when aggression enters the conversation and it turns into an argument. Within a rapid minute, there are insults and threats flying over the suburb.

Max has squadded up and all his dogs ride or die with him. Meanwhile, the other faction also rolls deep, so there are twelve voices barking back.

Snoop, in the midst of all this, is plaintively, but loudly, howling for peace and understanding.

They will do this all night long.

That is not enough to make me hate dogs, though. In spite of this, dogs are loyal, friendly and intelligent enough to be trained when domesticated. I suspect that even non-domesticated members of the species can be trained, and if our local government authorities actually cared about us, they would go around training stray dogs in night silence, teaching them to shut up while we are trying to sleep. The fact that they have not isn’t evidence that dogs can’t learn to shut up, it is evidence that our government authorities don’t care.