Drinking triggered depression
So I have three moods when drunk. Either I am a sadistic person who will do stuff like trip someone down the stairs for a laugh. I am freindly and will hug anyone near by. That or I become severly depressed and start talking about my parents disowning me. Recently I accidently triggered where I relieved where my dad tried commiting suicide. Now I am stuck questioning it and need to find someone to talk to. My dad told me I needed to kill him but I escaped out the window of my room. I feel like it waz my duty as his child to honor his wishes and take his life. They say to honor your mother and your father but my paremts always ask me do really fucked up stuff. This is a memory from age 18 and that was over 10 years ago.