Empty inside, like i have no soul
I feel empty inside, like I have no serious interests and nothing makes me happy. I dont really think that I feel emotions, maybe I have just made myself believe that I do.
I can't connect to anybody except my girlfriend and even then it feels like since getting together I've just taken an interest in the things that she's into. Same thing happened with my best friend and now I hardly see him and dont feel that close at all even though we had such a good relationship.
We've been going out now for nearly 4 years and I'm scared that I've been pretending to myself that I'm happy but really I'm not... scared that it's going to hurt her so badly but also afraid to let go of our relationship because I'd miss her so much.
When I talk to people if it's superficial I am fine, but any kind of lasting relationships with other people are usually really hard because I find it so difficult to relate and I can't concentrate on anything to any great extent.
I feel like I just live in the moment and a lot of things that I do are self destructive.
I am going into therapy in the new year, and hope that I can last until then, but sometimes I just get filled up with despair and hopelessness.
To be honest, I'm scared that I've got some kind of personality disorder. Is this normal (lol)