Fear to poop

In a very young age I had constipation/it was very hard to poop,I use a lot of water probably a 2-3 bucket of water While I poop, I live in a place where water is not an issue so I haven't used/seen toilet paper physically.
I use toilet probably ½ or 1 hour, I feel it so hard and soo sweaty, my parents used to complain about water and time.dad use to knock on the door-{what the hell are you doing🤬😡}. So I tried to stop using toilet in a min of ½ hours or less, but I still don't feel satisfied about it.

After a long time,now, I dont like to go to toilet when there is someone on home [parents incl.] Maybe it's a fear like do they treat me like a patient.idk

I don't know when does this happend -

I just stopped going to toilet if they are home / I only do it if I can't handle it. I feel like it is somehow effecting me [mentally].
I feel like brain is smoked.
I can't concentrate on anything I feel like I reached a dead end of imagination.
I feel like shit.

Now I dont have a shedule for anything, I know it's bad.

Sometimes I felt like 'nobody teach me how to poop😆'

Even today morning I felt like I have to go to toilet, but something is blocking me,
[Mymind: your parents are blocking you],I won't accept it.

I stopped eating as much as i want, because of this,i hate vomiting.

They compain about eating less food.[fair]

I have no idea what will I do if I'm like this.