Friend died from shooting himself and my boyfriend

38% Normal

Hi I don't know what to do I'm so upset I'm hyperventilating. My friend died he took his own life by gun. He went to the gas station and bought it and ended his life. He was 19.

I said I wish guns were banned OR were at least harder to obtain and not sold at gas stations because then my friend would still be alive as he had a note saying he was either going to get a gun or overdose on Advil and if he overdosed he would be alive and the hospital is only two blocks over...

Anyway instead of caring that my friend died or saying anything nice or saying I agree I wish they were banned or even I wish the gas station didn't carry them, my boyfriend says "I still think guns should be available at gas stations" that was his reaction

Me: I miss my friend, I wish he never got the gun they should be banned or not sold at gas stations

Him: I disagree I think guns should be sold at gas stations

How insensitive is that? I started crying and he didn't comfort me and then because of how he acted like he didn't care I said I don't think we should be together anymore and he got annoyed saying I was acting mean!

Is this normal??

Voting Results

38% Normal

Based on 21 votes (8 yes)

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Comments ( 54 )

Tommythecaty

2 years ago

Well I’m sorry to hear that.

But if he was determined to die then he’d have done it regardless, simple as that sadly.

While they do need far better screening for weapon purchases in the states, the problem is mental illness, not the gun.

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- Correction
  
  2 years ago
  
  The word “if” is doing a lot of work there. There’s plenty of people who are alive today that can attest to the fact that not all suicide attempts are made by people determined to die. There’s a reason 80% of people who survive a suicide attempt never attempt it again and 90% ultimately don’t die by suicide. There’s a reason more than half the people who use a method that can be stopped mid attempt - overdose, cutting, CO poisoning, suffocation, etc - do in fact abort mid attempt.
  
  Believe whatever you want to believe about guns and gun control but we need to stop acting like if somebody dies by suicide then they must’ve really wanted to die and would’ve done it no matter what. That’s just not the case.
  
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  - Tommythecaty
    
    2 years ago
    
    Well if they didn’t want to die, and survive as a result, then we wouldn’t be talking about someone who committed suicide would we.
    
    So it doesn’t really make any dent in my point at all....
    
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      2 years ago
      
      I don’t even know what that means. They don’t survive as a result of not wanting to die, they survive as a result of not having a gun. The people who use guns aren’t dying at a higher rate because they want to die more, they’re dying at a higher rate because guns are more lethal.
      
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      - Tommythecaty
        
        2 years ago
        
        Using a gun implies they didn’t want to survive it. So we aren’t talking about people who “didn’t want to go through with it” in the first place.
        
        What I mean is that your point is a non point. It’s irrelevant. I mean, hanging is far more common and has an even higher fatality rate, are you going to ban rope? I don’t see you up in arms about shoelaces?
        
        Is that easier to understand.
        
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Somenormie

2 years ago

I am sorry for your loss.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Thank you
  
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[Old Memory]

2 years ago | pl

Maybe mourn for your dead friend instead of getting involved in silly arguments/debates.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  It's not silly
  
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SkullsNRoses

2 years ago

It does sound like your ex had very low social intelligence, even though he disagreed with you that was certainly not the time to start debating gun laws. If he prioritises making his gun opinions known over comforting you when your friend has just died then his priorities are a complete mess and I’m glad to hear you ended the relationship.

I’m sorry for your loss and hope you can lean on your friends and family in this deeply sad time.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Yeah I just felt it was really rude and hurtful. Thanks maybe I did the right thing by ending it, I don't know. We barely had any issues but once in a while he would say something without thinking.
  
  Thank you for the kind words.
  
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  - SkullsNRoses
    
    2 years ago
    
    Dude, your friend died and he chose that moment to debate gun laws. In no circumstances is that acceptable behaviour. You deserve better than to go through life with an insensitive and emotionally tone-deaf partner. Is this scenario how you want your partner to treat you when a relative dies?
    
    You definitely made the right call.
    
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bigbudchonger

2 years ago

Did you go on a lot about how guns should be banned at gas stations? Maybe his takeaway from it was that you were having a debate about the avalability of guns. Either way, yes it is a bit insensitive, but I can see why he would have fucked up on this one.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  No it wasn't a debate it went like that where I said I can't believe he's gone I cried and said I wish they were banned or not sold at gas stations and he just quickly said I disagree I think they should be sold at gas stations disregarding my pain entirely..
  
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  - 1WeirdGuy
    
    2 years ago
    
    Americans can get defensive about their gun rights
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      2 years ago
      
      Yeah because it wasn't supposed to be a debate I just needed comfort and instead of saying something nice he said that
      
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      - Clunk42
        
        2 years ago
        
        That sounds a lot like me. There are some people whom you should not go to for comfort's sake.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        2 years ago
        
        Well at least you're honest
        
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Meowypowers

2 years ago

I have so many love people that took their lives through pharmaceuticals, dives off a high place, and suffocating with a plastic bag. They had opportunities to use firearms, but didn't. People should focus on the really big problem that is the mental health situation in the usa.

So many people are devastated and using drugs and alcohol more than ever because they lost their businesses and livelyhood during covid lockdowns. A lot of people unfortunately turned to crime to try and take from others.

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iEatZombies_

2 years ago

Let yourself be angry and hurt that he took his own life. I know it's easy to be upset over the gun being available, but I know you're far more upset that your friend actually pulled the trigger.
Don't argue over gun laws- not because they're silly, but because it'll make you feel isolated and alone when others don't agree. Almost as though they're saying your friend's life isn't so important when that's not what they're saying at all.
I'm sorry your friend is dead. I hope you find peace.

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bbrown95

2 years ago

I'm sorry for your loss, and I know how upset you are. I personally think with as sensitive of a topic as gun control is, it's only bound to create a disagreement. I'm so sorry you lost your friend, but hopefully he is at peace now.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Thanks and I didn't expect that response from my boyfriend so now we're broken up 🙁
  
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  - Pilum
    
    2 years ago
    
    Sounds like the relationship meant alot to you.
    
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1WeirdGuy

2 years ago

I dont see the rationale behind it if they werent at the gas station wouldnt he just go across the street to the gun store? Even if you ban them from stores everywhere guns would still be readily available through friends. You can always buy a gun from someone at work or something.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  The gas station was in walking distance he didn't drive and no there was no gun shop for miles.
  
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  - 1WeirdGuy
    
    2 years ago
    
    If he truly wanted to kill himself he was bound to kill himself. If he's in America he has easy access to guns. Im sorry for your loss but I think if it wasn't in the gas station it would have probably happened regardless.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      2 years ago
      
      No. If they didn't sell them everywhere he wouldn't have one and would still be alive
      
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      - Pilum
        
        2 years ago
        
        Ever heard of a rope? They sell those everywhere too.
        
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        Clunk42
        
        2 years ago
        
        Or knives. Or lawnmowers. Or wardrobes. Or saws. Or pencils. Or electrical outlets.
        
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      - MonteMetcalfe
        
        2 years ago
        
        Suicidal people are suicidal.
        
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      - 1WeirdGuy
        
        2 years ago
        
        Theres over 390 million guns in America. Only 6 million are registered. That means theres no paper trail of 384 million guns. They dont exist on paper or in databases. You could never get rid of guns here. He could have just gotten one from a friend or something. Weed is also illegal most states and its everywhere.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        2 years ago
        
        No that's not at all right. Most guns are purchased in a STORE. If they ban guns people wouldn't be able to get them. Most people who want a gun to kill don't go looking in the alley ways for shady dealers. They go to the store. Ban guns and it saves lives.
        
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RoseIsabella

2 years ago

I'm truly sorry for your loss. It seems to me that perhaps your boyfriend was not especially fond of your friend.

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have_a_good_day

2 years ago

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sometimes it be like dat

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jethro

2 years ago

I'm at a loss to figure out what gas stations sell guns. Where was this gas station located? Perhaps someone at the gas station sells illegal guns out the back door. Because you just can't buy a gun and walk out with it. At least not in the US, unless it is an illegal sale. In which case, you cant stop or regulate illegal activities. If they could there would be no drugs or crimes because the law specifically forbids those activities. Your friend was set on suicide and there was no way you could have stopped it unless you told someone he wanted to harm himself and had him committed for observation.

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- Clunk42
  
  2 years ago
  
  That depends upon which state you're in. Some states do not have required background checks or waiting periods for semiautomatic weaponry. Whether those follow federal law or not, I don't know, but I know there are some states which do not allow the enforcement of federal law. (especially Oklahoma, which has passed this bill)
  
  http://webserver1.lsb.state.ok.us/cf_pdf/2021-22%20ENR/SB/SB631%20ENR.PDF
  
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  - 1WeirdGuy
    
    2 years ago
    
    Is that 2A sanctuary states? My state just became on but I can tell you there is a background check here. I got denied and had to wait 15 days because I was charged with a felony before and the FBI had to check and make sure I was not convicted of one. It was more serious than I expected from a southern state. They wont just let you walk out with one here without a background check. You are allowed to buy from friends tho and they arent required to do one. Only stores.
    
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    - Clunk42
      
      2 years ago
      
      Most 2A Sanctuary States have a law that goes something like this:
      
      https://www.akleg.gov/PDF/26/Bills/HB0186Z.PDF
      
      As you can see by reading them (they are quick reads if you haven't), gun laws can be very different between states, with Oklahoma obviously taking the most conservative approach available, while other states still don't quite claim the NFA to be unconstitutional. According to Wikipedia, some states do not have legally required wait times for purchasing firearms. It's possible that you live in a state that does have one (since many do). I don't think there's a single state that allows convicted felons to purchase firearms legally (until after a certain period is up), so I understand why a gun store might enforce a background check themselves to ensure they aren't legally responsible for selling a firearm to a criminal.
      
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- 1WeirdGuy
  
  2 years ago
  
  Ive bought a revolver before from a gas station (it was a little 22lr for 70 bucks LOL) but ive always had to do a background check. I have bought guns from friends also and the law doesnt require them to do a background check because its a personal sale
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  I don't feel comfortable revealing my state but they are actually available at most gas stations here. I don't even know if they do background checks or maybe they do but the people buying them are sometimes underage maybe they use a fake ID of their brother or something.
  
  It's been a problem because a lot of shootings have occured with minors because they get them at the gas station. My neighbor's son was shot in the neck by his friend who is 16 and died that was about a year ago though he got his at the gas station too that's where they typically get them as if it's candy I guess, I don't know too much about it tbh
  
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Grunewald

2 years ago

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine how it would feel to be in your position.

You're right - he should have been more sensitive, even if he did feel cornered into agreeing with your point of view on gun sales when he didn't want to, and maybe expressed discomfort with this situation before he had a chance to express sympathy.

If he is your boyfriend he should already know your views - and you should already know his. If you are both mature:

1) You should remain respectful of his views no matter what, and not put him in a position where the prospect of upsetting you hangs over him if he doesn't agree with you on gun laws.

2) He should comfort you no matter what.

A person with better honed communication skills would hug you and then gently take control of the conversation from you, steering it off the topic of your mutual disagreement about gun laws, and onto something that would provide you the comfort you need. He might say: 'My love, can we put gun laws to one side for a moment? I'm so, so sorry about what has happened and I don't know what to say. There are no words.'

But these are things you've got to learn - very few people are 'naturals' at being sensitive around disagreements while upholding their own point of view.

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olderdude-xx

2 years ago

My best friend in High School killed himself with a hunting rifle at age 15 or 16. So I do know what you are feeling; and it is unfortunate that some of us have to go through this. But, you are stronger and wiser than you think at the moment and you can grow into being a better person - as I did.

I was also interested in his sister (we were casually dating) and that ended too... So I lost my best friend and my GF at the time... which left me more alone that ever.

The first thing I encourage you to consider is that there had to be something else very major wrong for your friend to go down that path. The gun was just the tool. What was the motivation that caused your friend to get and use that tool? That is the real issue here.

Every state has guns available for sale in various stores that are accessible to the public. Your state must allow the sales in gas stations. If not the gas station where are the other nearest stores that sell guns.

Every state has some kind of background check system, and perhaps a waiting period for certain guns (that varies state by state).

It sounds like your friend legally purchased the gun and followed all the state and federal regulations. Any other store that sells guns would have sold them one.

That does not ease the loss of such a friend; I know. Just think about it. Also think what you would do differently in the future if you have a depressed or suicidal friend or acquaintance.

There are suicide hotlines - and you can call them if you are concerned about someone else. I have done this - and it helped me a lot. You might find assistance from one of them now.

One of the changes in my life after my best friend committed suicide is that I started referring people to all kinds of help lines and community services for various things. If I can prevent another death - or just abuse... it means something to me now.

I wish you the best, and know that I really understand and care... and that you do have a bright and prosperous future ahead of you if you pursue that...

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Billy24

2 years ago

You're boyfriend isn't really required to comfort you or care that your friend died. Also, did you even tell him you think they should ban guns because your friend killed himself? Because it seems like you just told your boyfriend that you think guns should be banned lol

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Are You Normal?

Friend died from shooting himself and my boyfriend