Has this delusion become my reality.

63% Normal
5 Comments

Feels like I have built a fake world in my mind that I live but in reality I'm doing nothing in my life to progress. I'm 23 years old and I suffer anxiety and depression, because of it I miss out on a lot of things,I didn't apply for university , It's hard for me to find a job , I can't be who I want to be , I got huge insecurities with my body.I go to gym but for the past year I have done nothing and I just recorded myself after a year and I look horrible but In my mind I had built up a physique that look quite alright. I feel like I got mental fog and I'm dumb and I'm not good at anything and everyone around me is great but deep inside I feel like I could be good at things I like but after seeing a video of myself and seeing the real me of how I look,I don't know what to believe anymore,I have made up a fake world in my mind that I live and basically im degrading everywhere,I feel like my brain is atrophying and I'm I wont ever be able to show my parents the real life they deserve to live, to not work and dont worry about bills,anyway im really confused and Im numb, even writing this I feel numb , Im waiting for the day when I will just completely crash and accept that I will never achieve anything and all. I have already planned few ways I would like to die if it all comes to that and I feel passionate about how i would kill myself I wouldnt kill myself in some boring way, there is a part of me that tells me that all of this is depression and I can heal from it but it feels like "its" feeding me meds and just tells me its ok youll start someday but just stay this way for now , dont worry and when we decide to just die "we" will die in a fun way.This isnt all, its hard to write so maybe this will be OK.

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 8 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • TheSkyisGreen
    8 years ago

    I'm absolutely stunned by reading your post. It's almost like I wrote this. I used to feel exactly like you do back in college. I once even tried to kill myself by water intoxication(it didn't go so well). But my grades weren't my problem, my depression was. But now things have gotten better, the sudden change was surprising and unexpected, but it's something I really appreciate. So, don't let it drag you down. Try your best to make a change. Give all your concentration to one thing and you'll see what you're really capable of.
    And if you're worried about your looks or something, that's just silly in 21st century. There are surgeries for that, you know?

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  • Justnerdyme
    8 years ago

    Most of the time I feel the same way to. My online mates are religious, so though I may not be able to think of a solution, they would say 'Pray to God and he will help thee with what one cannot do'.

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  • [Old Memory]
    8 years ago

    You might feel better after you fuck some sweet cute innocent young GypsySailor asshole.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    8 years ago

    Wow this place is gonna kill me. my eyes they burn.

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  • Short4Words
    8 years ago

    All these feelings and thoughts are really typical of depression. I've been there myself and am going through it now as well. One thing I know now that I didn't before is that depression lies to you. It's gonna tell you that you can't get better and that you will inevitably lose. Just know that it's bullshit. You're not dying but you gotta stay healthy. As for the mental fog - that's just part of depression, too. You'll get over it eventually. You won't even notice it as much on your better days. But it's nothing more than temporary.

    Focus on something positive. If it's doing something that makes you happy or something productive. Focusing on your illness will not make things better.

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