Ask Your Question today
Whenever I come to my boyfriend and tell him something positive that has happened for me, at first he’s happy but then quickly just gets sad, relates it to his own struggles, starts talking about himself and his shortcomings, and I end up comforting him. Every time. I feel like I’m not allowed to be happy about my successes, or that I have to downplay them
Why do you stay with him? He’s an egotistical boor who will never nurture you.
I'll take the other view point.
If you know that he is already struggling either in his personal life, job, or whatever part of his life, then it can feel like you're rubbing salt in a wound.
"I know your life is shit, but look how well mine is going"
The fact he is initially happy for you may be showing he wants to be happy for you, but just struggling with it.
It can be really hard on a relationship if one person is seeing a lot of success while the other is seeing nothing but crap.
It can make a person wonder, so what are they doing that I'm not. Success when others can't seem to have any, especially in a work environment (also in relationships), is where derogatory comments come from, like, kissass, brown nose, screwing their way to get what they want. They may not be true statements, it can be nothing more than being jealous of the success. Rather than accept their own shitty situation they want to make the person having success the bad person.
Instead of talking or bragging of your successes, have you thought about how you can help him out of his struggles. Maybe then you can both celebrate in both of your successes!
I appreciate this viewpoint and we do both talk to each other about our struggles and successes when they happen. I have been there for him through thick and thin. I don’t neglect his struggles. Not everything is crap for him right now, he actually just got a big promotion and I was/am so proud and happy for him. He deserved it. Now he’s adjusting to the new role and it has it challenges as well, and I do what I can to support him. It just feels very one sided. I know I shouldn’t need validation from someone, but I just wish he’d be genuinely happy for me the way I genuinely am for him. I feel like I should be able to share those things with a partner without it being considered bragging
I'll take back about half of what I said. You made it sound in the op that he was really going through some rough times.
But if he is working,and just got a promotion, and just has a few challenges of the new job, then you're not wrong in expecting a little bit of support and happiness for your successes from him.
I'll just say this, some people just can't celebrate or enjoy other's successes. Life is all about them and you'll get a "that's nice", "good job", or some minor pats on the back, but they just don't know how to enjoy somebody else's victories or success.
Wanting your partner to be happy for you isn’t too much to ask. If your partner won’t be your biggest supporter who will be?
Very toxic and not good, I hope he isn’t controlling aswell. People who can’t see the good in anything and aren’t willing to support others aren’t ready for relationships and that’s the hard truth.
Covert narc. Might be better to leave now than stay for 5 years and never see him change.
It doesnt sound good. You might want to communicate this to him instead.
Thats not good. He may or may not grow out of it. Does he have the victim complex?
Maybe he is actually depressed, then its somewhat valid. But I dont know, he could be just selfish. No need to share those things with him