How did socially anxious/awkward people date before dating apps?

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9 Comments

Like the question says...
Seeing as many such people have no friends to go out with.
No courage to join activities alone either.
Did they just find someone at their job? Or at the store?!
How does one even meet someone at the store?! Ive heard people do that but i've literally never seen anyone approach someone at the store.
I am wondering because I am tired of apps. I cant develop attraction or love for someone via an app since the pressure is too strong and there is no natural chemistry. When you meet someone from an app and start dating there are expectations and demands from the beginning already, it's getting to know each other with ulterior motives and it's the pressure for sex to happen so it can move forward.
I usually develop attraction for someone I see often in real life, like at work or school. You talk some and it's very natural, just a co-worker and even if you flirt you don't expect anything or place demands on the other like "this is what I expect from us seeing each other...", "this is what i'm looking for..." etc. It's not forced.
Now however I havent worked in a pretty long time. Hopefully soon though. I can however not take for granted that once I have a job again I will meet my future partner there. I want to join all kinds of activities... but have no courage to go alone. None of my friends live anywhere nearby and to meet some here in the first place I need to join an activity...

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Comments ( 9 )
  • LloydAsher
    1 year ago

    You either grew a pair or died alone.

    Normally you would find your partner within where you worked/community. Heck ads were still a thing. Listed off your attributes and waited for any takers.

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  • SkullsNRoses
    1 year ago

    I suspect friends and family played a larger part in matching people up, my parents started dating because my dad’s sister thought they would make a good couple.

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  • ospry
    1 year ago

    I feel like dating apps have it made it a lot HARDER to form meaningful connections with people

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    • LloydAsher
      1 year ago

      Depends how you used it. Found my SO on it.

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      • ospry
        1 year ago

        I find myself of getting stuck in a cycle where I match with someone, we chat and flirt a bit to get to know each other, but eventually enough time passes that we kind of ghost each other. I'd like it a lot better if we'd save the small talk and chance to get to know each other a bit on a first date, although for safety reasons I can understand why most women want to get a feel for who she's dealing with before arranging to meet in person

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        • LloydAsher
          1 year ago

          Not to bring up a success story or anything but the start of a relationship is always about trust. You got to trust your potential partner that they wont stab you in your sleep and they have to trust that you wont murder them and bury them in a ditch. The rest kinda just builds up from there.

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          • ospry
            1 year ago

            Trust is really important. That's why I submitted a question a while ago asking when I should "come out" about having OCD. So many people assume that it's excessive orderliness or cleanliness, so bringing it up without proper context makes me look like I'm trying to make drama where there is none. The reality is that OCD, or at least the way it exhibits for me, is more akin to schizophrenia in that I can become solidly convinced of things that simply aren't true. Having THAT happen without previously having prepared my partner for what to expect is even worse

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            • LloydAsher
              1 year ago

              I mean in my case I just repressed hard my weirdness for like a week while explaining some of my flaws, we all have them.

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  • DADNSCAL
    1 year ago

    Yeah as a young nerd my mother or my sister would fix me up with girls but it usually never went well. My sister got me a date for my senior prom with 1 of her friends sister and I had a terrible time. We had almost nothing in common. I only started to dat in college when I broke out of my shell.

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