How do i actually bathe my cat without being attacked?

Cats don't need to be bathed, just regularly groomed (combed,brushed). If it's possible and safe let the kitteh live indoors, it's much more humane and they are much healthier and live longer. And will be able to clean herself!

Take him to the dry cleaner.

Are u sure it's not a possum

I would take him to a professional groomer and let them do the work. Just once if you can afford 40 bucks or so. After that, the cat shouldn't need a bath. Just regular brushing and proper flea control. Make sure it's safe for cats.
Cats groom themselves but it sounds like this one needs a good grooming to get it back to normal.

If you've washed him before and he knows what's up, you just need to be more persuasive. He knows it wasn't the worst experience and he didn't die, but he just doesn't want to. It's a battle of wills, and you need to remain firm with him. You're the boss.

Trim the nails.
I use regular people toe nail clippers.
Just cut the tips though.
Claws are sensitive and delicate.
Good luck on the bath, some are easier than others.
Cats rarely NEED to be bathed.
I just do it to make 100% sure there are no fleas around.

Um, peculiar post. This will be LOLCats extreme entertainment if you video this cat bath. :-)

Typically, cats don't need an actual water/soap bath, nope.
If you must bathe a cat that will claw you, I suggest you just let the vet do it. There are cat bath restraint thingies you can use if your cat is dangerously hostile. Be kind, gentle, and very careful.

Cats "bathe" themselves by licking

Maybe he's getting in some trash. I can see why you're attempting to bathe him if he smells, although cats usually don't need it.

Idk if it's actually unhealthy to wash a cat in water.

Lots of body armor, jk don't really know, when I bathedvmg cat by myself he would behave wonderfully, but when someone else was in the room he would freak and climb up my arms very painfully

I'm not suggesting this, but a family friend of ours put their cat in a cage and sprayed it with a hose. Maybe you could put it in a cage and gently wipe it down with a rag.

Cats hate getting wet.

Bathing cats is always a nightmare. I've had seven different cats living in my house and mooching food off me over the last 35 years. Most of the time, they're very good at keeping themselves clean, but sometimes bathing is necessary.

Some advice that seems sensible to me on this page and it's links:

http://www.catster.com/cat-health-care/how-to-give-a-cat-a-bath

Can you trim the cat's claws?

This is why I'm a firm believer in getting a cat used to having it's claws trimmed and being bathed when it's a kitten. I wonder if wearing those thick rubber gloves that people wear to wash dishes would help? I've never had to do that though.