How do i hide the fact i’m no longer christian from my family?

Now, two things you’re probably thinking are:

1. Simple, just don’t tell them

And

2. You’re an atheist

And while for the time being, as I’m a 20 year old who still lives with them, at some point I’m gonna have to move out, and by then it might not be so easy, and I’ll explain why later in this post. I’m also not quite an atheist, as I consider myself more of an occultist, and we get a lot of flak from religious and anti religious people alike, but I’m trusting the people answering this are open minded.

Now, growing up one thing my church talked about a lot was false idols, which as someone with a fanboyish personality was tough to reconcile. The way they taught it, it was like being a fan of something more than you were of God was a terrible thing (this line of thinking is one of many things that turned me away from Christianity). It might be unsettling when I have my own house if I have posters and things for my various fandoms but little to nothing for God. I mentioned earlier I’m an occultist, and some of us see Jesus as more a philosopher than a God, and I think what I might do is put up quotes by him or from The Bible that sound good and can apply even to non-believers.

But of course this wouldn’t be honest of me, as so much of what I’ve come to believe in and aspire to are so contradictory to some Christian teachings. Since I don’t know if there’s an afterlife, I think we SHOULD love the world and the things that are in it, and one thing that me and many Christians want is to get rich, despite the verse telling us just how hard it is for rich people to get into Heaven. They may also wonder why I’m not going to church, and of course they wouldn’t like the honest answer: because I want to improve the only life I know for sure I have, instead of wasting time on a religion that frankly has done more harm than good in my life!

I know I’m starting to get on a soapbox here, but it’s how it is when you come from this type of background and have these types of goals. My family isn’t TOO crazy, I mean they let me be a fan of the things that indirectly lead me to these interests, but the slightest sign of even questioning God’s existence is enough to make them very concerned. I love them, but I definitely don’t love everything about them!

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Comments ( 31 )

ApplePine

4 years ago

If you don't tell them, you can wait until they assume that you are no longer Christian, and if they ask you should tell them the truth and hopefully they will take in the news a bit easier because they assumed for so long.

Or

When you move out, you could tell them then because they can't really do much about it, especially when you're 1. 20 years old, and 2. Not going to live with them anymore.

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Boojum

4 years ago

While you don't say which particular stream of occultism you're interested in, I don't see how any occultist can say they're even close to being an atheist.

Western ceremonial magic (Renaissance grimoires, Enochian, Golden Dawn, Thelema, Wicca) is firmly rooted in Judeo-Christian beliefs about the existence of God. Even Chaos Magic relies on a transcendent power in the universe. Carroll deliberately chose the term "Chaos" for that force in an attempt to get rid of the concepts of God that are deeply embedded in our culture and consciousness, but that's just a rebranding.

You may no longer accept the version of God that your parents and your family preacher believe in, but if you're convinced that magical practices can produce concrete results in the physical world, then you have to believe in some invisible, higher power. Many people would name that force God.

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- Hubbard
  
  4 years ago
  
  Do you mean Carroll as in the author of Alice in Wonderland?
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  I mostly follow the YouTube channel mindandmagick, which talks about “the divine.” I guess ceremonial magic is what I would describe it as, but even then I don’t exactly “worship“ the divine.
  
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  - Boojum
    
    4 years ago
    
    Fair point, and I guess that highlights one of the big divides between magic and religion.
    
    Lots of people who attend church conceive of God as some sort of all-powerful ruler or mighty father-figure that they must bow down and humble themselves before in order to keep him happy. Magicians tend to view God as a power they can channel and direct in ways that will have a practical application in their lives.
    
    I haven't watched any of the mindandmagick videos so I don't know the underlying philosophy of the channel-owner, but I note that he uses the six-pointed star that's an emblem of Crowley's Thelema religion. Crowley's starting point was a book written by a 15th century Cabalist who wrote up a long procedure for getting in contact with one's personal Holy Guardian Angel. That's just a fancy name for one's truest divine nature.
    
    As long as you've moved past the childish view of God as being some long-bearded ancient dude sitting on a throne way up in the sky, it's not a great leap to say that the HGA is also just another name for the bit of God you have inside you.
    
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Clunk42

4 years ago

Which church were you a member of? I say this because I feel as though some of your thoughts on Christianity are just wrong. Unless you start worshipping one of your posters, it isn't considered a false idol. We should indeed love the world and the things in it, as God made the world all the things in it. The Bible talking about how the rich don't get into Heaven is the Bible saying that people who are ungrateful and ungenerous with their wealth while others are starving have no place in Heaven.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  I’d rather not say as I don’t want to give away my location, but it’s not so much that I literally WORSHIP other things, but they make it seem like God has to be at the center of your life all the time. They talked about how kids are more into electronics than God. And I remember my mom saying how she wanted us to be a Churchy Family and to stay away from things like Halloween and Harry Potter and DnD (all things I’m a massive fan of). And I remember one sermon where they talked about a verse where Jesus said you couldn’t follow him unless you hate your family, and their interpretation was that your love for Jesus had to be so great that your love for your family had to be like hate by Comparison. They want us to be absolutely OBSESSED with Christianity, which frankly I don’t think is very healthy!
  
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  - Nikclaire
    
    4 years ago
    
    Believe what you want to believe but dont spread mistruth. Nowhere does it say you have to hate your family. That's utter rubbish.
    
    If you can't be truthful and proud of your beliefs then that says something. I wouldn't believe anything I wasn't willing to share with whomever.
    
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  - Clunk42
    
    4 years ago
    
    I meant were you Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, what? Also, though I think halloween is stupid (though there's nothing wrong with it), none of those are evil. DnD is fun. Also, from what I can tell, you're referring to Matthew 10:37: "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." This verse never mentions wishing for your family to go to Hell in any version of the Bible I've seen. (KJV, NIV, GNV, TPT, NLV) Which Bible do you use, and is this the verse you were referring to?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      4 years ago
      
      I was Protestant, the New King James Version, and yes I think that’s the verse. Idk i may be misremembering.
      
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RoseIsabella

4 years ago

I wish this post had a poll, I love voting on polls! Damnit!

Seriously, don't lie about yourself, and pretend to be someone you aren't just to please your family. I'm assuming you are a legal adult if you are posting here. I have a cousin who's mother married a Pentecostal guy, converted, and made my cousin go to church three times a week for several hours at a time. Anyway, when my cousin turned 18 he just quit going, because he was legally an adult, and I don't think they hassled him too terribly much about it. Although I will say he has never moved back to our hometown, and I suspect that it's, because he wants to not be pressured to go back to their church.

I think you should be true to yourself. I'm a Roman Catholic Christian, but I don't believe people should push, and harrass others into going to church. Besides, I'm not a fan of fundamentalists, because they have a lot of weird shit that they do, and push on their kids.

Anyway, I wish you well, and I'm sorry if my comments haven't helped very much. My mom was raised Roman Catholic, and my dad was raised very maintain line Protestant, like Methodist & Presbyterian, so they weren't very strict about religion at all which was probably quite a good thing for me in that I don't have the kind of issues with organized religion that a lot of people do. The only problem I really had was that I didn't get to go to confession, or receive communion until I was 14, whereas most kids do that stuff when they are seven, or eight years old... but enough about me.

I hope you are doing okay, and I sincerely hope that your family won't freak out too badly if you don't want to go to church anymore. I don't know if you plan on going to college, but if you are planning to do so I would highly recommend going somewhere far enough away to where you can't commute, and can have some freedom as long as you can study, and keep your grades up. Another possible option would be to try to join the military, and get the G.I. Bill. Finally you could always get a job, and try to find some roommates to move in with so ya'll can share an apartment.

I think now that you are an adult you shouldn't have to live a lie.

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- Doesnormalmatter
  
  4 years ago
  
  What do you think about not telling them for their own sake? My mom is a really emotional person and I know she loves me a lot. She would be absolutly devastated. Also I'm going to an expensive school and they are paying 75 percent per year. They are already upset about paying that much and I'm sure they would lower it if I came out. For these reasons can I temporarily justify not telling them?
  
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  - Boojum
    
    4 years ago
    
    It's a challenging situation.
    
    Lying isn't good for your self-respect, and most people your age are very sensitive to hypocritical behaviour in others. If you recognise that you're saying one thing and doing and believing something else for mercenary reasons, that can cause a lot of internal conflict.
    
    It's easy for others to tell you to be true to yourself and your beliefs. That's a good principle to live by, but you're in that awkward phase of life where you're transitioning from being primarily your parents' child to being an independent adult.
    
    As far as I'm concerned, parents have no more right to expect their children to belong to a particular religious club and comply with its rules than they do to expect them to have particular political beliefs or have the same favourite colour. But your mother may be one of those people who believes that you'll burn in hellfire for eternity if you don't follow the rules she believes in, so she would be upset about you becoming a non-believer because she cares about you.
    
    It sounds like there's nothing to be gained by telling your parents the truth and a lot to be lost. I seriously doubt if there's any point in you talking to your parents about this; they believe what they believe, and you believe what you believe. It is possible to have calm, rational discussions with some true-believers, but they usually end up hunkering down in their faith-fortress. In this case, the chance of a rational discussion is reduced because of your parents' emotional investment in you.
    
    If you're ever directly challenged on your beliefs by them, maybe the best thing you could do is to ask them if they believe they raised you correctly, and to suggest that if they truly have faith in God and you, then they should believe that you're just going through a phase, and you'll see the light eventually.
    
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    - Doesnormalmatter
      
      4 years ago
      
      Yeah the internal conflict inside me is so thick you could cut it with a knife. For example me and my mom will talk about purity and how porn is terrible and tempting modern Christians and I'll agree. Then she says good night, closes the door and I go straight to porn hub. I would say keeping this secret isn't doing me any good, its just less bad of an outcome than It would be if I stodd them up.
      
      Then comes the next reason you brought up. I know my parents wouldn't want a rational discussion. They never have on anything. Its always been : "Thats what we believe and we won't change our minds!" So like if I came out, The response would not be 'lets talk about it', it would nore likely be an emotional shit show. And I know my parents would feel like failures.
      
      Also, good idea for if they happen to find out. I'll just play the I'm struggling game and act like my heart still has good intentions. Then they can trust God and pray for me while I continue on my way.
      
      I can't tell you how helful your response was boojum your the best! And I'm not even OP lol.
      
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    I think not telling for their own sake, is probably understandable. When it comes right down to it you have freewill. In the end it's really just between you, and God, or the Higher Power that created the Universe.
    
    You can choose to temporarily not tell your parents about your loss of faith. In the end you're the only person who has to live with your life choices.
    
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    - Doesnormalmatter
      
      4 years ago
      
      Well actually based on what I beleive now, its between me and me. I'm an athiest and I have no idea who made the universe. And neither does anyone else so far as I'm concerned.
      
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  Idk how this would work as a poll, there’d be A LOT of options (it’s been a while since I’ve done polls I don’t remember if the answerers can add their own answers)
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    Okay.
    
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Ummitsstillme

4 years ago

As long as you're not a Muslim, they will still love you. Shit, ideally you can become a Jew, then you won't murder or harass anyone.

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jethro

4 years ago

Start wearing a yarmulke or a kufi. That will give them a hint that something has changed.

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GaelicPotato

4 years ago

You don't.

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gaz3912

4 years ago

You are judged by your actions, not by some religious phobia. Tell the truth.

FREE JULIAN ASSANGE.

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LOLFanProductions

4 years ago

I'm no longer Catholic from my family. I'm a mix of Spiritualism and Animism.

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Doesnormalmatter

4 years ago

Lol was this post by me? I am 20 years old. Family Christian and still think I am. I have struggled with this a lot and its tough I know.

For me, it was sex that deterred me. I wanted it super fucking extremely bad but was supposed to wait until marriage. My parents even thought masterbating was sinful lol. So for high school, I went to church and played along with it. Then I went to college and splurged on premarital sex and many other things my parents would despise. They never know. They are paying me through big time so I don't wanna tell them. I also don't want to make them feel bad if I don't have to. So I am lieing that I go to church, and banking on my pretty good odds that they never find out i've even had sex.

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- [Old Memory]
  
  4 years ago
  
  I thought this was you when I first read it.
  
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  - Doesnormalmatter
    
    4 years ago
    
    Lol! I totally understand. Lots of people accuse me or being the OP now, even on a post aboit wrecking my phone with semen haha.
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  Unfortunately for me most girls think I’m ugly or at least unattractive, so such an endeavor would be easier said than done for me.
  
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  - Doesnormalmatter
    
    4 years ago
    
    Well thats not really the point of this discussion. I think you should consider how much you rely on them and then either tell them or wait and hide it. Do you still live with your parents?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      4 years ago
      
      I do, yes
      
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dimwitted

4 years ago

You worship money? Lots of folks do. As for your family...wait. Wait until you are out of the house and tell them the truth.

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- Doesnormalmatter
  
  4 years ago
  
  Why not wait until they find out? Because there is probably a chance they never do. Or at least not until the bond is less close so the emotional damage is less.
  
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Are You Normal?

How do i hide the fact i’m no longer christian from my family?