How do you deal with a man who

20 Comments

How do you deal with a male partner who won't buy any Christmas presents because he says he thinks it's overrated and you don't need gifts to be happy.

He doesn't want to give me any or anyone so last year our first christmas I gave him about 15 and he didn't get me anything. I'm okay with not receiving but I feel like it's kind of impolite. Also we had a conversation about when we have children and he said he'd maybe get them one gift. Then when I said would you be okay with me buying gifts for them and he said probably not because he thinks gifting is overrated. So he's not okay with me gifting them anything unless I buy them one only.

How do I deal with this? My friends say dump him but I've been with him over a year and it's been mostly really good this is one of the issues we have though.

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Comments ( 20 )

PurpleHoneycomb

2 years ago

I don't really do the whole Christmas thing and tell people not to give me gifts. But if I had kids, I would at least celebrate it for them.

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OSCARUK

2 years ago

Don't give him any gifts this Christmas, see how he reacts

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- RoseIsabella
  
  2 years ago
  
  That's a great idea!
  
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adobeslats

2 years ago

Well, are you happy without gifts? I mean if he proved his statement it’d be one thing but my guess is it’s just an excuse to be lazy and selfish.

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olderdude-xx

2 years ago

I highly suggest that you get yourself and him a copy of:

"The 5 Love Languages" by: Gary Chapman.

I suspect a key is that he does not understand that people have different love languages... and he needs to learn how to communicate love to you while you need to learn how to communicate love to him.

Lots of things start working better, and a lot more fun, when you both understand where you both are with your love languages and work to satisfy the other.

I wish you well with this,

ps: if you read the book and he refuses to read the book... It's most likely time to find someone else (although the book does tell how you might get someone to change if you are patient enough and they go along...).

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Do you think if he reads it it could help?
  
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  - olderdude-xx
    
    2 years ago
    
    Yes... He is not filling your love tank. It's possible that you are not filling his.
    
    When people learn how to fill the other's love tank; and then change to do so... a lot of other things change as well.
    
    I normally suggest that people buy 2 books: 1 your you and 1 for your partner.
    
    People often read at different rates. Some read the book in a day or two. Others take a few weeks (but they make progress every week).
    
    Allow for their normal reading process time - as long as they are working on it.
    
    When my GF and I read it... we both learned so much, and also we both saw why many of our previous relationships failed.
    
    I wish you the best with this...
    
    Note: Some people are combinations of love languages (a few even have a balance of 4 or all 5 of them).
    
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Mini69

2 years ago

You give him gifts, you do the cooking, I wouldn’t mind betting you also do all or most of the housework. In return you get nothing. He sounds like a leach, the sooner you get rid the better.

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DADNSCAL

2 years ago

Give only what you’re comfortable giving without expecting anything in return. A gift shouldn’t be conditional on what you’ll get in return. Give because of what it will do for you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  I know but if we have kids he doesn't want me giving them gifts
  
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  - DADNSCAL
    
    2 years ago
    
    Then you need to rethink your relationship. He sounds like a grinch who takes himself way too seriously.
    
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RoseIsabella

2 years ago

Where did you meet this guy? What kind of education does he have? What does he do for work? What was his family life like?

No offense, but he doesn't sound normal? Why are you with him? What does he do for fun?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Met him at a bbq he and I were talking and hit it off he made me laugh so hard I started crying nothing ever did that in my life before, could barely breathe from laughing so much and he wasn't even trying. He and I were friends at first then became partners.
  
  He has a bachelor's in mathematics and he just finished recently so he's looking for teaching jobs but he currently works at a fancy restaurant as a waiter full time. He's a good waiter too has reviews on google referencing his professionalism.
  
  His Dad died when he was younger and his Mom was neglectful because she had/still has severe depression. They never got gifts on Christmas actually but that doesn't mean he has to stick to that. His mom was so neglectful that he moved out lived with friends for a while now lives with his older sister. His sister is really nice, he's really nice too but sometimes he says things like this that make me confused and upset not knowing what to do. I want to make it work but I don't know how to tell him he's wrong because whenever he says something odd and I say he's wrong he says I'm wrong then we go into a deep argument.
  
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Meowypowers

2 years ago

I can kind of understand where he is coming from if he said he would prefer the money was spent on charity. Or if he would rather you guys put the money towards an experience, as opposed to things. I don't understand how someone could be so cold, and non caring without an explanation. Literally everyone gifts this time of year and if they don't anf they live in a place with internet they should understand that everone does this. He's weird, if he can't explain why he fails to gift.

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lolman787

2 years ago

He is right,
But he is wrong [kind off]

you don't need gifts to be happy.

But gifts can make you happy [if u r sad / it can increase the happiness](make u happier)

Talking about life, life is short[most of the people say that(& i hate hearing it {still})]

so make your life happier....

{you should tell him this-[directly/indirectly]}

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Lusty-Argonian

2 years ago

I hate holidays and birthday things. Just a money drain. If you expect something from you get nothing.

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raisinbran

2 years ago

Sounds like a sensible guy, plenty of other ways to celebrate. Why waste money on cheap garbage the other person didn’t ask for?

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litelander8

2 years ago

If this is the ONE issue, I would just have him pick up extra slack with other things like cooking and cleaning.

I can see how gift giving is overrated. But he could at least craft Christmas ornaments out of twigs or something.

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1WeirdGuy

2 years ago

Im gonna assume he probably loves his free handouts too

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  I cook for him if that counts
  
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How do you deal with a man who