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How do you know what to say and how do you know if what you'll say is good
I think some people understand how what they say will likely cause a certain response and use that to talk instead of responding with their heart or to the best of their intellect
Some people do that as bad as manipulation but I think there's a method that's more selfless, I can't really put it into words
But my way sucks and my way is using intelligence
"Using intelligence" yet you can't figure out how to have a successful conversation. đ¤
I feel like perception will help you out more in a conversation then inteligence. My inteligence just tells me to shut up... and it's usually right.
Yeah, Maybe I misunderstood but that part sounded like OP was saying "Im too smart for everyone" which would obviously be pretty off putting in conversation. If he just means that he talks more logically than emotionally, I don't think it's all that uncommon, but it can be rather boring.
Again, I can't really find the words, but people will say something for irony or humor and I'll say something that answers or explains that clearly shows I don't understand the subtext or whatever
Like maybe it's not ever this transparent or whatever, but someone could say "why is it so busy" and I might say "people are getting stimulus checks and it's Saturday"
Not that that happened, but stuff *like* that has happened
I have a charger as a rental and someone said I'm "balling it up" and I'm like wide eyed shaking my head acting out the thought "I have no idea what to say"
I don't think I'm smarter than people or better for it, but I am proud of it and value it and use it to the best of my ability
Alright I am going to explain this for you. I am very good at psychology so I will break this down for you. There is three main methods people use to communicate/interact. Empathetic, Rational and Emotional. Empathetic people are good at identifying and reading peoples emotions and often body language. Empathy based people communicate with this method and often have an easy time getting along with people. Rational people if observant can read motives, intentions and pick up patterns of behavior. Rationals treat the world like a puzzle and react to things with logic. They find it difficult picking up on stuff empaths can easily. Than we have emotional based people. Emotional based people react to situations based on how it relates to them or how it makes them feel. These people can be charismatic and can be extremely blunt and often very passionate. These people may or may not be able to read body language or intentions but how they react is based on how they personally feel. I would be classed as a rational. As a child I had no concept of human emotions and find it hard accessing my own emotions. I reacted to everything based on what I thought was the rational response. I was also told my entire life how I felt was worthless or just wrong and so learned to behave correctly. I learned how to read people by studying systems. Biology is study of life. Psychology is study of individual behavior and sociology is groups behaviors. I am also very observant, and simply learn things by watching others. So try being observant if you do not fall into the Empathy category. Since you might not have a natural skill for empathy reading.
"my way sucks" / "I am proud of it and value it"
Ok then. I thought you were asking for advice but I guess you were just asking if we are equally aloof or more outgoing.
I'm proud of my intelligence, not my communication skills
I talk to people like you all the time, and you may win the social points by getting everyone nearby to laugh, but from my perspective you're a pos who doesn't even understand you're being a pos
I know how to deal with people like you, I can talk shit just fine. It's the people who are actually worth talking with that I want help on
Have you thought about LISTENING to other people rather than focussing on what you're going to say to them? That could give you better results in terms of getting to know people and making friendships, assuming that's what you're looking for.
I do listen, it's what I say that's hard to figure out. I've seen people try to talk to me and realize halfway through I'm an idiot when it comes to talking and just lose all interest. I use eye contact and facial expressions, I keep it about them and what they're saying.
Someone could be telling me a really cool story and I could be laughing and doing all the right sub communication but then they pause and wait for me to say something with more substance and I struggle. My best results are stuff like "omg that's funny/unreal/crazy" and I can only do that like once or twice and I go into like panic modes where they just look at me and I can feel my heart weighing heavy in my chest and I just want to break down crying because I want to have awesome conversations but when I get the opportunity I can't do it right
I havenât had a proper conversation with someone I donât know in such a long time I couldnât really tell you.
It sounds like you take things at face value, by your own admission you struggle with subtext. Remember that socially awkward people are still likeable, if you focus on being kind rather than being âsmoothâ you will likely have more success, thatâs what I do at least.
I do focus on being kind but people act like I'm a snake in the grass waiting for the chance to strike. That's happened so much it's become something I look out for when talking with people
I think it's because I'm so unsure of what to do and I've been told I wear my heart on my sleeve so they can see that I'm trying to figure out what to say and it's probably easier to think I'm a bad person, like that guy from the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers who kept the king of Rohan under Saurumon's control
I start out by making a negative comment about their appearance and see where that goes.
Politely....
I suggest you read a modern book on Etiquette... It will likely help a lot.
When you say you use intelligence, what do you mean? How do you define intelligence? How do you normally conduct yourself in conversation?
It means I think about the most practical response
I guess one in general definition for intelligence I can give is the ability to process information and respond in ways that are optimal or yield the best results
Normally in conversation I try to think of what to say so that I'm not annoying or something, but it's like if I was driving and I dodge a car but then I swerve into a ditch
I don't lol. If someone talks to me I respond politely.
I don't know how I talk to friends, we just talk and it entirely depends on the topic how.