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Ever since my complete hysterectomy two years ago, I haven't wanted sex more than two or three times per year. Now that I don't physically need my husband, he seems like dead weight. He works at a high paying job and is nice to me, but I feel like he is a brother that shouldn't be here. What should I do? Please don't suggest couples counseling. Counseling only jams societies values down your throat.
| Divorce him. | 4 | |
| Separate bedrooms. | 0 | |
| Tell him to go masturbate himself. | 5 |
Your husband should divorce you and find someone who actually loves him.
You are the one who sounds like "dead weight", not him.
After all I do for him? Cooking, cleaning, shopping, planning vacations, cutting the lawn, painting the house, fixing the plumbing with new pipes, managing retirement investments. I mean fuck, I've even changed the oil on his Beamer once or twice. He would be dumb to dump me. Pardon me, but you seem like dead weight not to realize this.
Yeah he only pays for the tools for you to do all that. He only works a high end job so that you can live a comfortable life. He only gives you the money to buy groceries.
I hope you divorce him because he really doesn't need you.
You are right. He gives me a comfortable life, and I work hard to make sure he is comfortable, and fed well when he comes home late totally beat from his high responsibility job. So we appreciate each other's efforts, and effort is what is still working for us. We are good at teamwork, and good at being business partners. We used to be good at sex. Good lovers, and also good fuck buddies when no time for seduction existed.
As I have said in another comment, lack of completeness haunts us. Quiet desperation has become the keynote of our lives. I honestly think there is no solution. Nor, do I think a solution exists for other couples in our situation. But I am hoping I am wrong.
I'm not your husband so how am I supposed to know this without you mentioning it?
Sometimes a good brother is a girl's only friend. The way I see it is that all your options will only cause regret.
For gods sake if he is a good husband in all those ways how could you possibly feel that he is dead weight?
if it’s just the lack of sex or you not wanting it that much is it really the worse thing? Is he complaining about the lack of sex? Sounds like you just want him for sex? (Judging by that dead weight comment) That sounds like that’s the main issue you are concerned about, if that’s the case it’s shallow I have to say and also maybe you didn’t get married 100% for the right reasons, how on earth would divorcing him solve your issue if it’s you (like you admitted) that doesn’t want sex much anymore? My advice is to try seek other avenues/treatment for hormone therapy if that fails then sounds like you have a good husband and a perhaps failing to realise or appreciate this fact.
I am only exploring my options. What I know is that this marriage isn't working. Yes, my husband is a good man. I have changed, he has not. I shared my dead weight perception so that the other women could understand how losing my ovaries has changed my mind.
Why don't you go back to the option choices and decide between them?
They are not your only three options, have you stopped to ask him if it actually bothers him, why don’t you have a chat and actually ask him if the reduced sex life bothers him? My advice is ask him see what he says and then devise a plan/next step together based on his response.
So you married someone just for sex? Shouldn't have married anyone in the first place if you don't love them.
Sex made everything work for both of us. I still love him like a brother and a friend, but a celibate relationship is not a marriage. This ethereal love concept is idealistic bullshit. Humans need to be touched, from infancy to old age. Laying in bed kissing him like high school kids is fine for 2 or 3 minutes, but there is an incompleteness that haunts us, and haunts our lives now.
Maybe you need dosage adjusted or try a different drug? Have you had a complete physical and bloodwork done lately? Thyroid issues? Are you overweight? How active are you? Are you on other medications?
I mean, do you want things to change? Do you feel like you are thinking clearly right now? Is there more to the situation with your husband besides just the sex part? I can kind of relate to the loss of sex drive (a birth control and antidepressant I used in the past had that effect on me) but it made me seek alternatives because I wanted my life back and I didn't want to lose my narriage...sounds like you have a different take on it, just wondering if it's maybe deeper marriage issues or more serious health/mental issues?
Thanks for these questions. My doctor says I am maxed on hormones right now. I am not overweight. Aerobic exercise twice a week. I may be slightly depressed but am too busy for it to affect me. I am thinking clearly and adjusting. Maybe the feminine part of my identity is adjusting, but I feel like myself and I know and am now accepting that my sex drive will never return. I am comfortable with that. My marriage however will never be the same.
Are you suggesting that I just continue and let my husband leave me if he decides someday that there is no future for us?
Max dose doesn't mean right dose, or right formulation. Get bloodwork and get a second opinion.
And no, but there is alternatives to all or nothing. Have you talked to him about this? Where is he on this right now and what does he think the future looks like?