I’m kinky and sexual but with my partner i’m jealous af

So since I’m in a relationship for the first time in 6 years obviously there were some walls I had to climb over and remove... I’m still working on them. I knew I was getting some crazy anxiety jealousy issues in the end of my last relationship so I knew it would probably creep up again when I finally find someone trust worthy enough for a relationship.

I got a bunch of trauma issues with men and some without women. But this also boils down to my own insecurity and jealousy / anxiety.

Walking down the street can be a nightmare and I can be triggered all too easily. Almost any girl can be a threat... I also know where all this stems from but it’s a daily struggle and it’s getting sickening.

While I sway between the idea of monogamy and non monogamy, having been and still wanting to do sex work... having wanting to learn about loving more openly than within monogamous rules... I find myself in a monogamous relationship crippled by almost any girl on the street, tv, a picture or even a comment that my partner makes about nothing that my brain turns into ‘he likes women more like that’ *threat brain turns on*

It’s normal in some ways but yo I wanted to open a discussion. I got my therapist and I’m aware of working on mental health so please don’t come at me with any abusive or aggressive tones - it’s totally useless