I’m really ugly
I’m really ugly and I am stressing out so badly. What should I do? I’m 18 so I doubt my glow up will still come
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I’m really ugly and I am stressing out so badly. What should I do? I’m 18 so I doubt my glow up will still come
There's no way you're that ugly. Everyone has a certain type that they find attractive. I'm sure there are tons of people who find you attractive.
Beauty is subjective! Trust me, there are plenty of people out there who will find you attractive!
18 is still very young. There's still plenty of time for some sort of "glow up" as you say to happen
Besides at 18 you're usually surrounded by other people and their herd ideals and trendy opinions. At 18 most people haven't even taken the time to get to know themselves and what they actually find beautiful
People told me my skin was too dark, hair looked like a blow dried poodle, my nose was too big, I was too fat and I believed it all because I never really thought for myself when I looked in the mirror. All I ever heard was their own words in my head persuading every thought of my own to turn into the same negative things they always told me
Long story short..
I ended up dropping out and was unemployed as well and felt kind of lonely because I didn't really have anyone around me anymore and basically lived by myself with little to no contact to any people in the outside world
I cried some tears. Thought about life. Looked in the mirror almost everyday judging myself but one day I realised no one else was around to tell me what I'm supposed to think of the new changes my body was going through... So that only left me to think for myself for the first time
Fast forward and I started to like how I looked more. I became a little happier in life and took up dancing by copying dance cover videos I'd see on YouTube or copying the choreography that the back up dancers would do in concert videos. I felt free while dancing and it gave me a huge confidence boost
Fast forward some more and I finally decided to rip the bandaid off and look at some old pictures of myself and was expecting them all to be horribly ugly and that I'd want to throw them in a fire after I saw them... But they weren't even that bad honestly
My skin wasn't even that dark
(i just wasn't white looking like a lot of the other kids),
my hair was big but it looked cool and full of life and volume
(unlike that flat straightened uneven garbage look I went for to try to get rid of my naturally curly hair look after they repeatedly made fun of my hair),
my nose wasn't big like AT ALL it just wasn't pencil thin like all the plastic faces that were popping up in media in numbers at the time
(my nose was pretty much the same size as everyone else's at school but their words blinded me from seeing that),
and I wasn't even fat I just looked plump(thick I guess you'd say)or a little squishy rather than skin on bones like what I ended up turning into
I wasn't as ugly as everyone told me I was imo but being told the same negative thing over and over again really changes your mindset and ability to actually think for yourself or come up with your own opinions of what "beautiful" actually is in your eyes
The worst thing about me in those old pictures was probably my acne(which most everyone else had at the time too)and maybe my fashion sense
But the acne was mostly do to my diet(which I didn't know at the time) and the bad fashion sense was simply because my family was poor so we didn't have money to buy lots of clothes or outfits that looked nicer and whenever new cheap outfits were bought, my oldest siblings were the first to get them and I'd have to wait around a few years before they made their way to me and by time that happened there was usually holes, tears, pieces that were poorly sewn back together and what not
... Not to mention that a lot of the clothes were colors I didn't really like/didn't like on me, or styles of clothes that I didn't like/I didn't think suit me, or were too long/stretched out/not my size
(since they were all picked out by my siblings)
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You may not even be as ugly as you think you are. You may just not know it yet because you haven't been able to make your own opinions on what is beautiful without others influence on your thoughts yet
In addition..
The things that you think make you ugly now, may be things that you may find beautiful about yourself a few years from now. Or if your lucky, your type of appearance may be the trendiest/currently most desirable appearance in a few years time
And whatever other things you see as flaws that you still have left over after that, are maybe for the most part easily fixable
Your acne may easily clear up by cutting out butter, cheese, milk, or greasy foods
(which their are alternatives for that can replace these things in your life if you feel you love them too much to part ways with them)
You may be a little over weight but maybe you'll find a love in dancing and you'll slowly shed the extra weight from being so active in a dance class, the club, on stage, in your house, in public. Or who knows maybe you'll really enjoy lifting weights or going to the gym?
Maybe you can start wearing clothes you enjoy or that you think really suit you well. I think when I was finally able to start getting my own clothes(not living off hand-me-downs) the biggest mistake I made was "this looks so pretty I gotta have it!" then going to the dressing room and seeing that it doesn't look all that good on my body shape or the color is really cool toned like an icy pale blue, and so that coupled with my warm and more vibrant skin tone would make me look like my skin was some alien color in comparison.
I think the best thing I could've ever done fashion wise, was to stop getting things based off of "it looks so pretty on the rack!" or "it's just sooo cute I have to have it!" and "if I just get it now I'll probably like it more later"(which is pretty much never the case) and instead try to find a middle ground
What colors do I like? What styles do I think look good on me? "okay now let's find something that will look good on me, is in a color I like and doesn't make me look sick or like an alien, and I think is pretty. If I can't find it here, then there's always plenty of other stores I can go to!"
And maybe I think a shirt or pants are too bland for me? Well in that case I take it home and whip out my markers to draw designs on it, sew decorative buttons on it, or hot glue on some jewels... Anything to make it mine... Anything to take it from being "a shirt that I like the style and color of that looks good on me" but "is still a bit too boring for me"
If you want some fashion inspiration I think you could also find a lot in K-pop. I'm not a huge K-pop fan and don't know a lot of songs or groups or anything but there's no denying that they have great fashion sense
It can be sexy, flirty, classy, cute, but not show off too much skin if your not comfortable with that. They're hair always matches really well too
All in all...
Just some stuff to try that can hopefully help a little
I think also finding a hair style that shapes your face/facial features well helps a lot too! And if you wear glasses it's always great if they shape your face and eyes well too!
I find my hair looks best when I have bangs. Not because my forehead is big or anything(its actually rather small) but it just shapes my face really well and gives me a totally different look
Certain little things can make a pretty big difference as well like for instance some people could really use that extra volume in their hair to help even out their face/head shape a bit and bring their whole look together.
Where as some people already have so much extra room on the top of their head that's covered in hair, that I would be more beneficial to not add the extra volume because it could make their hair look kind of like they stacked 2 or 3 wigs on top of each other JUST at the top of their head
Also some things with hair can vary from look to look. For instance, I think bangs does wonders to the shape of my face, but having the bangs in the front, seems to make the top and back of my head seem a little more flat in comparison, so I usually add a little extra volume to help even it out
Meanwhile, on days where I wear my hair up or back without any bangs hanging on my forehead, I feel like adding any extra volume isn't necessary as it already looks full enough on it's own
And these things obviously vary from person to person/head shape to head shape/facial features to facial features. For instance while full bangs can give me a fun/playful/girly kind of look,it could give others a more mysterious/gloomy/emo kind of look. Or in other instance, for me having my hair pulled back away from my face can give me a more mature/classy/elegant look while for some people it may just look like they tied their hair back because it was in their face
There are pros and cons for everyone. Like down braids could be a total pro for somebody giving them a sweet look, but for me they make look like I'm 40 and trying to 8 again. For one person a braided updo could look really elegant/vintage/wedding-ready/prom-ready/princess-like/fairy-like and for me it just makes me look like village girl(from back in the times when they used to burn witches) who spends her days churning butter and scrubbing the floors with a old rag and waiting for a husband to return who isn't coming home tonight before dinner gets cold
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Lol this is SUUUUPER long. Sorry. I just thought I'd try to think of some things that could be helpful
I feel people usually give general advice but don't really go into detail and when I was feeling like an ugly duckling I really wanted more details on how to improve a bit and not the typical "just wake up tomorrow suddenly happy with yourself!" stuff
I hope this helps
If I remember I'll come back with a link to a few youtube videos that really speak well on the subjects(and aren't just the usual "be positive and wake up magically loving yourself!" or "if you look this way then you're screwed because the ideal way for your _this__ to look is like this, but here's how you could try to make yourself look like _that__)that I think you'd find really helpful
There's also a webtoon series you should check out called True Beauty(I think) which is about this "ugly" girl who was bullied and always told that she looked ugly and stuff.
Her bullies one day tell her that she should wear makeup because she looks so ugly and so she went home and took their advice and came back the next day with makeup on... Which looked horrible... So she got made fun of so more, went home and cried about it, then made a post on an online forum talking about it and people gave her some makeup tips and recommended products and tutorial videos for her.
She ended up becoming good at makeup and suddenly people start to find her more attractive but she ends up leading a sort of double life switching between her "pretty"self and her "ugly" self
It's pretty interesting.
Another commenter talked about how sometimes people aren't as pretty as they may seem they just are presented very well and I think that kind of relates to this story.
This girl is by nature what a lot would consider "ugly" but people find her attractive when she presents herself a little better(better clothes/style, acne take care of, more confident, out of line eye brow hairs taken care of, hair actually done rather than just being thrown in a ponytail/bun or left messy and uncombed)
All that stuff is extra work and of course you don't have to do it if you don't want to. Or maybe you'll choose to just do it on special occasions(The choice is up to you) but if you're feeling a bit blue and want to be a bit more presentable by societies standards, or even by your own standards, then trying these things could help
It also doesn't hurt to have a good sense of humor
(people love to laugh and love when they can tell a joke and have you laugh to it. Not a fake laugh, but a laugh that shows you genuinely can find what they said to be funny. For a lot of people there's nothing worse than telling a joke to a group of people and there's that one person in the group who not only can't find the humor in what you said, but also go out of their way to try no to even grin and then proceed to tell you how unfunny they thought it was or how they don't find anything funny because they're dead inside as if that's something to brag about)
smile more
(genuinly. When you try to force it it can come off... Weirdly...or fake which makes you seem like someone people can't trust)
know yourself better
be more confident not only in your appearance but in your presence
Confidence when speaking
(that doesn't mean you gotta be some confident flirty chit-chatter like you see in the movies. You can be a bit shy when it comes to love. In fact it can be quite sweet at times. But being confident in expressing your feelings/interests/thoughts can go miles and make you seem very genuine and like you have yourself figured out. Not to mention that both men and women tend to love when someone is confident enough to ask them out or even just come up and talk to them. Again it doesn't have to always be all flirty and sexual. It just makes them happy and you approaching them or your kind words could stick with them all week)
Telling jokes with confidence
(they may not all be winners but you appear more like a naturally funny person without appearing like your TRYING to be funny and ONLY doing so for the sake of getting others validation)
thoughts/opinions
(be open minded about things and open to listening to others thoughts/opinions but don't constantly change your opinions or morals just for the sake of trying to fit in to whatever group of people you happen to be around. Eventually you'll get caught in your web of multiple public personas and come off as fake)
Be kinder/more considerate/more loving/more caring
(nothing better than that. Everyone loves when people are kind, considerate, and loving towards them and the world around them. Little kind things you do throughout the day can really make people feel happy around you. It's inviting and makes you feel more like home to them. Like they could relax around you without fear of harsh judgment or that they can come to you if they need a little help with something/advice because your heart is very caring to all around you)
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Holy smokes this is even longer! Peace out mate! Hope at least one of these things listed helps you!
Remember big change doesn't usually come over night, which to you, could feel like forever, but fear not as your effort and patience will make you more beautiful with time ♡
2 options, or a combination there of. Work on it and or learn to accept it.
Confidence and personal hygiene (brushed hair, clean nails, ironed clothes) can make anyone more attractive no matter what you look like. Sometimes if you see someone attractive and take a minute to actually think if you are attracted to them you might realise they aren't even your type, it's just their energy and cleanliness that made them stand out!
Hello ,I'm also 18 years old ,I feel u so much,I tell u smth :i'm also ugly since my birth...I'm sure you only discuss that with us because u're affraid u will never get gf or bf in the future ..I'm a man and I'm somehow sure u are..but will one day meet an ugly girl and fall in love ,and u will both see each other like the prettiest couple...god bless u..and I know how u feel...I'm also ugly but I believe that where I live people are more ignorant...
Don't compare yourself to other people. Just try to be the best version of your self that you can be.