I am fed up with being praised like a child.

86% Normal
7 Comments

Hi all.

I am a 30-year-old with an intellectual disability as a result of being born with a developmental delay. I have two support workers one of who is very kind and respectful and we get along very well. The other who I should call "heather" is also very respectful but whenever I do something I can do independently, she praises me like I am a 10-year-old.

"You're doing so well," "Good Job" and she says it like I couldn't do anything on my own, to begin with. As I am a full-grown adult, yes I can clean on my own and do a pretty good job, I can do my laundry, and cook. I can also do other stuff like how to spend and save money, and use public transport but when I do the simplest things like cleaning my room, she praises me like how my mother would.

If you are wondering why this upsets me, my mother who is a narcissistic, emotionally and financially abusive parent would try to hide behind the identity of a Good parent by praising me and my siblings in front of others just exactly how "heather" does it and it pisses me off. I don't say anything to her and just nod my head because I do not want to say anything that would hurt her and I don't want to get into trouble with the support
team If I snap at her for it.

I understand it's not much of a big deal, but I have had too many toxic people in my life do this, ultimately treating me like a child to the point where it triggers me. I have suffered years of abuse before I got support, and have dealt with depression and anxiety that it's gotten me to the point where I just don't react to anything anymore.

Compliments and praises don't do anything for me, simply because it's like I'm dead inside. I haven't sought therapy for it and I don't know how to go about it because therapy is expensive. I don't want to go to the doctor because If I tell them I have been suicidal, they will probably admit me to a mental health institution.

My support workers know about my issues and have tried helping me which I am so grateful for, but the fact that I do not want to burden them with my pain so I just act like I am fine when I'm not. Heather is a nice woman but her constant praising is driving me insane and I don't know how to kindly tell her how to stop.

Can anyone please give me advice?

thank you.

Voting Results
86% Normal
Based on 7 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • 1WeirdGuy
    1 year ago

    I think you'll just have to tell her in some way to stop. Maybe laugh and say "you say it like im a child"

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    • Grunewald
      1 year ago

      Yeah, a light-hearted, indirect approach might work if you can stomach it, because then a naturally defensive person might not feel 'criticised' by the comment, nobody needs to make themselves emotionally vulnerable, and you might still get the change you need to see.

      If it doesn't work, a more direct confrontation might be necessary, and that would require vulnerability.

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  • Grunewald
    1 year ago

    Ignore Tommy.

    I have no advice but I want to say that your experience must be awful. I hate patronising comments, myself - normally it happens when I enter a new work environment and people (especially male colleagues) treat me like a complete ignoramus in the field. But you seem to get it on another level. What is wrong about the way she is talking to you is simply that she is praising you like a child at all - whether it's triggering or not. A 30-year-old is not a child. You have acquired some life experience and skills for your 30 years on this earth.

    For the time being that's all I can offer. You might be able to have a candid conversation with this person, depending on her character, and let her know that she is doing it. You'd need to do it gently, and in the spirit of making change happen so that things can get better, rather than in the heat of the moment when you can't take it anymore and you are furious. People aren't always aware of how they come across. My students often surprise me when they ape my mannerisms and little phrases that I don't know I have/use. Perhaps things will change when this person becomes aware of what she is doing, and how it is affecting you.

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  • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore
    1 year ago

    I know Heather means well, but I completely understand where you are coming from. Workers and people in general need to understand a mental disability doesn't mean "dumb". You seem very functional and very able to explain yourself clearly here. I do not know how clearly you are able to explain yourself verbally, but one idea I have is perhaps writing a kindly worded letter to Heather saying you deeply appreciate her help and her encouragement on larger challenges, the praise for smaller, basic things bothers you and explain the reasons why. They aren't explicitly because of her, but her actions are unintentionally triggering a trauma response I'm sure she is not trying to do.

    I wish you the best!

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  • Kyleyoung1640
    1 year ago

    😋🍆

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  • Orphan
    1 year ago

    Well, if u are feeling suicidal it is worth it to check into an institution.
    Just to talk u out of it. If u commit suicide, someone out there is gonna laugh about it. So dont

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  • Tommythecaty
    1 year ago

    Good job on those paragraphs kid.

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