I am going nuts

67% Normal
4 Comments

I am going nuts because I have no understanding of emotions.
I have good days where I feel very positive and motivated but most my days I feel empty, angry or confused as well detached from reality in the sense that I feel far away. I can handle it most the time but it affects my love life the most. I am not capable of making relationships work. I cant feel normal things for someone. I am dating now and ive been dating with the same person for a few months. I am unable to commit physically (often being touched by a man seems to trigger me but I dont know why) or fully emotionally. I have started hating him many times and pushed him away. Then when I have my good days I want to be with him all the time and hes my fav. Its very confusing. I am always worried, not just in relation to relationships, that I will make decisions on my good days and vice versa that I will regret when my mood swings again.

I have tried to look for answers on google and I always get the result borderline disorder but thats not me. I have been diagnosed with aspergers and anxiety so I have never been impulsive, ive never engaged in risky behaviours (im like the biggest coward ever), ive never experienced emotional outbursts. I am always outwardly so calm and collected that it triggers people a bit. This is because I have always been scared of the consequences if I were to allow myself to get visibly upset. I have really bad anxiety and I fail to understand why. I dont have a job and when I have worked it doesnt tend to take long until something goes haywire inside and I start getting sick constantly with migraine attacks and physical sensations in my body. I get more and more exhausted and more and more angry and take it out on my loved ones. Often I can barely remember how bad it was when its over, its something my family talks about. For me its a fog. I had many bad days this summer and I barely remember the summer so... No memories really...

I am worried how bad it can get and that im going nuts especially because I dont even know what the problem is so I can understand

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67% Normal
Based on 3 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • dx
    1 year ago

    I get similar feelings, I think it is just part of autism/aspergers (and probably some trust issues).

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      Ive never been told in autism centered therapy that this is a symptom of aspergers thats all. Its possible maybe

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      • Grunewald
        1 year ago

        It's had to know how to talk or think about aspergers, but if you go to autism-centred therapy, aspergers people probably part of your 'tribe'.

        It seems derogatory to treat aspergers or autism like an illness in itself, because it isn't all bad: I've seen for myself how it sometimes gives people awesome talents, steely perseverance, nonjudgmental friendliness and a tendency to get intensely into things and become very knowledgeable and willing to share that knowledge. It's a kind of brain-wiring and I've seen it play out as a whole way of life. I don't have aspergers but these people are my tribe. I feel at home around them and drawn to them before I even know they're on the spectrum. With any luck I'll probably end up marrying one if I end up marrying at all.

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  • 555
    1 year ago

    I have Asperger's too, and feel the same way. Can't connect with people. I can't commit to most of my duties, as I have a hard time following a routine. And I hate touching and being touched.
    I realized that I'm actually pretty happy when I'm alone and the times I've tried to "like" someone, it was just because I wanted feel adequate, like a proper human. At this point I'm just learning to accept myself.
    Don't try and force yourself to act neurotypical, because that will only make things worse. Don't expect people to understand you either.
    Embrace your "weirdness".

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