I am lubed up and inside your house

Treat this like a choose-your-own-adventure story. Pick your action and in a day or so check back to see what the outcomes for each action was

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You arrive home from a Halloween party super late. Or super early, it's hard to tell. Despite your exhaustion, you force yourself to go about your regular bedtime routine, intent on getting a good night's sleep. You climb into bed and pull the covers over yourself. Just as you're about to close your eyes, you hear a faint giggling outside your bedroom door followed by two words:

L U B E D. U P.

Stricken with fear, you...

claim this happened once and ask if it's normal that straight but loved taking a 9 incher up the ass 3
invite LustyArgonian over for a good and weird time 1
hope their lube is flammable and toss a lit match in their direction 7
switch to excited and yell "Aww, hell yeah! Pass some my way!" 2
begin shrieking and throwing your shit in the direction of the voice like a pissed off orangutan 4
throw it back and chase the intruder off with the thunderous sound of your cheeks clapping 2
tell them to fuck you harder than the IRS 5
demand that they prove it 1
inform them you're not ready and you need to find your collection of AOC feet pics 4
take action. They can't rape you if you rape them first! 13
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Comments ( 21 )
  • KholatKhult

    We beat eachother with hammers and I tell the police you broke in
    P.S. call me

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    • MonteMetcalfe

      I want to know if Paul was wearing his underwear at the time or Nancy's?

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      • KholatKhult

        Where’s Hunter Biden with his 45 GoPro cameras when you need him

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  • raisinbran

    I'm waiting in the dark with my Glock pointed in the general direction of the giggling.

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  • Vvaas

    depends on my mood i'd either pull the covers over me and go back to sleep or invite you in to talk about chickens

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  • Cuntsiclestick

    This is highly convenient. I've been looking to try out my new handgun. A criminal breaking into my property is the perfect excuse to use it. XD

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  • Iambillythemenacetosociety

    *Stares blankly*

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    • Rocknrolla81

      What are you thinking as you stare blankly

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      • Iambillythemenacetosociety

        That whoever is in my house needs to go bother someone else.

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  • Anonnet

    Gender: unspecified
    What exactly is "lubed up": unspecified

    I gotta say... depends. If it's a dude and it's his dick, I'm grabbing a knife and hoping he's a masochist.

    If the voice sounds female... I'm running for the light switch to see if she's hot.

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  • megadriver

    You can't sneak your way around, because to get to the bedroom, I have to go through the living room/ dining room, probably have a drink in the kitchen (connected to living room) and use the bathroom (connected to the bedroom).
    Also you can't fit in the wardrobe. My wife has a lot of clothes, there isn't even room for some of my stuff.

    And if I see some random lubed up mf in my house, I'm gonna beat the shit out of 'em. I have zero respect for breaking and entering.

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  • rkive

    Omg yaas lube me up too 😔

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  • Rocknrolla81

    Lube me up as well

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    • You didn't finish with "cap'n"

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      • Rocknrolla81

        I’m not capn

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  • litelander8

    How do y’all have this much time?

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

    youdve been long since chewed up by the dingo

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  • Greywolf69

    Is the person male, female with a strap-on, or transfem? If they are male, I’d let them come closer and then stab them with the pocket knife I keep in my nightstand before calling the police. If they’re female or transfem, on the other hand, I’d say come get some. Of course, if they also try to harm me or steal from me, then it’s stabby-stabby time.

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  • ApolloEna

    Nowhere near enough information. Who's lubed up? Me or them? Who has the lube? Who's planning on fucking who? Are they women or men? Too many unanswered questions. Therefore, I cannot give any reasonable response. One thing's for sure, I'll fuck them before they fuck me, without my permission.

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  • CMFINC

    im the one who giggles back. than brake out into a laughter. as all that is heard and seen next is bright flashes and loud bangs from a simi auto 12g with a 25 round drum magazine rings out..

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  • Tommythecaty

    To which Tommy asks the op,

    “Does anyone else know you’re here?”

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