I am so depressed

6 Comments

I am so depressed. I have no job and I am sending applications like crazy. Even on CVs where I lie about my experience to fit the job description I do not get interviews. I have like $20 left.

My marriage is a ruin and I have to leave the house where I am currently living in some months.

This morning I was thinking that it would be great if I had a cancer or an accident and die. I am not contemplating suicide but I often think about someone coming here at night and killing me. I really want to die but I don't want to do it myself.

I have a diploma in software application, a bachelor's degree, work experience and still I cannot find a job. How am I suppose to stay positive when everything in my life just seems to get worse.

So I'm here struggling. The worst part is that I just go along with each day: I talk to people, I laugh, I joke but deep down I feel like shit.

My life is a complete ruin. But nobody seems to notice because they all think that I am this strong woman who can face anything. Even when I tell people that I am struggling and that I don't know where my life's going they seem to consider that it's not that bad. Do I need to cry to be taken seriously?

I want comfort, I want to be able to go to bed without worrying about how to pay my debts. My hairs are getting grey with worry and I am losing weight.

To be honest I really want to disappear.

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Comments ( 6 )
  • jethro
    1 year ago

    Where do you live? Does your wife work?

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  • noid
    1 year ago

    If you are acting like you’re fine, people will keep treating you that way. Also people tend to think things willl work out for others, when they aren’t experiencing pain themselves.

    My opinion is cancer is worse than death, and not a good way to go.

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  • Curiouskitten444
    1 year ago

    I'm sorry to hear that.

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  • kikilizzo
    1 year ago

    Welcome to the club

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  • JellyBeanBandit
    1 year ago

    I know it doesn't seem like it now, but this is just a bad time in your life that will pass. You will find a job and pay off your debts. There's nothing you can do now but keep applying and try not to worry. I know that's obviously easier said than done, but do really try to put in the effort not to ruminate on it and to look after your mental health.

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  • DADNSCAL
    1 year ago

    You need to count your blessings and shape up. Your life is worth it. Things may look dark now, but you can turn it around if you want to. Start by doing volunteer or temporary work. It my lead you in a whole new direction. Good luck!

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