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He’s mean. He’s abusive. Narcissistic. Angry. Controlling.
But I’m obsessed with him. I’ve been trying so hard not to want to contact him and it’s so hard. I feel like I have no one else.
Seems to me as if you have a hard time of letting go. It's best if you start to look for other people instead of just depending on one person. Like they say theirs plenty of fish in the sea.
I'm going to have to put on my fake beard, and smoke a cigar. What were things like in your childhood? Did your parents abuse, or neglect you. Does it feel familiar to you to be with a an abuser, does it feel like home to you?
That's normal. You get attached plus those kinds of people tend to be very good at getting into your head with their fake good person-act and charm until they've got you hooked. If not they wouldn't be able to reel in victims.
I dated a narc once and it was hard to get over him since I loved him but I stayed away anyway, eventually the feelings fade even if it takes time. You need time to get over the manipulation and realize that none of the good times were real, he was just toying with you.
What the fuck? No! if you have described him as abusive, narcissistic, angry and controlling then what you should do is to move on with someone who does not posses any of those personalities you have described him. Second of all this isn't normal.
I would guess you were abused as a child, probably by your father. But since we want to believe our parent(s) loves us, we associate the abuse with love. I suggest you seek professional help before you get hurt.
Can you offer some details of the abuse, how you met, and how you broke up?
Sounds like you have some sort of mental problem if you're longing for someone who was abusive to you. Or maybe you're just lonely
It’s because of your low self esteem. You need to realize you’re worthy of better.