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I can't do anything successfully and with joy unless a close friend wants me to AND encourages me to do it. How do I overcome it?
This way of thinking should be treated as depression. One of the best ways to come out of depression is to exercise regularly. I know it sounds dumb, and to people like this, difficult, but it actually truly works. Exercising several times a week has helped most people with depression and made them happier and more ready to do things, even on their own.
There are numerous studies that show potatoes help depression as well, and even a great book called "Potatoes, not Prozac" that have helped many people. An addition, or alternative, to exercise is to get used to doing things, which sounds weird, because doing things is what you are having trouble with. To overcome this is going to take lots of time and effort, but will become completely worth it once achieved.
First, make as many people aware of your situation as possible, then do things with them as much as possible. Something as simple as going shopping, or cooking/eating over at their place. Going to the park for no real reason, or just anything that gets you out of your house. Do this enough, and your body and mind will adjust, and then you will start to do somethings on your own more and more.
It's difficult, and you will have to force yourself at first to do anything on your own, but will be easier every time you do so. Go to the park a few times with friends, and just walk, talk, roller blade, bike, Frisbee golf, or play with pets. Then force yourself to go by yourself. It will be super boring by yourself but will start to train your brain.
This is not true for people like this. A person who requires another person to do anything can't simply motivate themselves to do things. This is actually a condition that almost always leads to depression.
That's so nice to hear but telling myself "You can do it!" sounds like setting expectations on myself that feel heavy to fulfill and when I don't I get stressed.
You have a crippling fear of failure. You need to work on making your 'inner voice' friendlier. When you treat yourself better you will be less afraid of making mistakes, because you won't be so hard on yourself.
For most people who feel this way, it's not a matter of fear, it's just a lack of motivation. The other person (or people) are providing the motivation to do something/anything. And if left on their own, will do nothing but become a couch potato watching tv, or browsing the net.
I disagree. Or at least, I'm hitting the source while you're touching the symptoms.
Motivation is really very fleeting and nowhere near as powerful as fear. Inertia is a very real thing--spend a year not leaving the house and see how much fear and uncertainty you have about going outside.
We are goal-oriented creatures: just going to the bathroom is a goal. Motivation isn't the issue; it's fear that makes OP need more willpower.
I agree with you completely. For most people this is completely true.
But for some people it is just a social aspect. I am one of these people. I don't fear failure or going outside, I just find it so horribly boring when I'm by myself that I just don't want to do anything.
Once paired with at least one person, I change. I am motivated, energetic, and just happy. I don't know which is true for OP. I just wanted to provide the other perspective (the one I live with everyday).
I like your reply, Bubsy and didn't mean any disrespect. It was 1am here, I was tired and didn't word my stuff properly.